Folks are stoked! Raconteur, gadabout, visionary, and occasional rapper Kanye West will be releasing his very highly anticipated sixth solo album Yeezus on Tuesday, and somehow, against all odds, it has yet to leak.*
Everyone expected the record to leak by this point. Our theory is that 'Ye has hired armed guards to protect the trucks shipping the CDs across the country. Faces covered like narco-embattled Mexican law enforcement officers, trusted long-time Kanye associates (GLC, Consequence, CyHi the Prynce) have spent years training with Canibus in an underground bunker, learning new techniques in CD protection, multis, and running 20 miles in soft sand.
Online, fans were desperate for the record to leak, so they could unleash snap judgements on the Twittersphere and shore up their credibility as "taste-makers," ensuring that the Internet economy continues to hum along in a healthy way.
Which "taste-makers" are most thirsty for new Kanye Kontent? (Other than those of us in the media industry, of course.) We've picked out a few of the funnier tweets we observed calling for an early, pirated Yeezus release.
*Subject to change.
RELATED: The 100 Best Kanye West Songs
Folks are stoked! Raconteur, gadabout, visionary, and occasional rapper Kanye West will be releasing his very highly anticipated sixth solo album Yeezus on Tuesday, and somehow, against all odds, it has yet to leak.*
Everyone expected the record to leak by this point. Our theory is that 'Ye has hired armed guards to protect the trucks shipping the CDs across the country. Faces covered like narco-embattled Mexican law enforcement officers, trusted long-time Kanye associates (GLC, Consequence, CyHi the Prynce) have spent years training with Canibus in an underground bunker, learning new techniques in CD protection, multis, and running 20 miles in soft sand.
Online, fans were desperate for the record to leak, so they could unleash snap judgements on the Twittersphere and shore up their credibility as "taste-makers," ensuring that the Internet economy continues to hum along in a healthy way.
Which "taste-makers" are most thirsty for new Kanye Kontent? (Other than those of us in the media industry, of course.) We've picked out a few of the funnier tweets we observed calling for an early, pirated Yeezus release.
*Subject to change.
RELATED: The 100 Best Kanye West Songs
12
Source: @Dour_Lord
Be safe out there, y'all.
10
Still no Yeezus leak! Can't we go back to the good old days of 2010 when movies and films leaked earlier than a Titus Bramble lead defence
— Dave Johnstone (@DmrJohnstone) June 13, 2013
Source: @DmrJohnstone
I know, right? That's our Titus! Just kidding, we know nothing about soccer, or why you've misspelled "defense." /SmugAmerican.
08
Hey NSA, what're the chances you could use that #PRISM thing to leak Yeezus? #CantWaitFiveDays
— Scott Harris (@scotth541) June 13, 2013
Source: @Scotth541
First they came for Yeezus, and I did nothing...
07
Will work for Yeezus leak.
— Shizzy Sixx (@SuicideSixx) June 13, 2013
Source:@SuicideSixx
So back in the day, before albums "leaked," they were "sold." You exchanged currency, which was earned through labor, for albums, which made that labor more enjoyable. It's pretty crazy to admit that you'd go so far as to work for someone's art. Music is supposed to be free, maaan!
05
Leak Yeezus right now or else I'm jumping @kanyewest twitter.com/NikesOnMyTweet…
— Andre (@NikesOnMyTweets) June 13, 2013
Source: @NikesOnMyTweets
Well, at least he's not thinking of doing anything rash.
03
Leak Yeezus or i'll kill my mom @kimkardashian twitter.com/HeyBun/status/…
— Huber Lopez (@HeyBun) June 12, 2013
Source: @HeyBun
02
The Gods want us to sacrifice a rapper before we can get the #Yeezus leak. I nominate Pitbull.
— Jay (@PresidentBhagat) June 13, 2013
Source: @PresidentBhagat
Pitbull takes a lot of undeserved heat in the rap game, man. Let Pitbull cook. I hope Yeezus has a jam on par with "Hit the Floor," which sounded like silly string put to song:
01
In order to get the Yeezus leak, you must carry Madam Zeroni up the mountain.
— Joseph Anid (@josephanidxviii) June 13, 2013
Source: @josephanidxviii
This is a reference to Holes, a book by Louis Sachar, or more likely, since kids don't read any more, a reference to the 2003 film Holes based on that same story. In the story, a character named Elya Yelnatsa is cursed when he fails to carry Madam Zeroni, played by Eartha Kitt in the film, up a mountain.
I don't know why anyone would miss out on the opportunity to spend quality time with Eartha Kitt, but if Yeezus doesn't carry her up a mountain then his entire album will be cursed with being less replayable than her 1983 song "Where Is My Man":
