Grandmothers everywhere are tagging themselves as Grandmaster Flash on Facebook. As most dutifully revealed by a Tumblr entitled, appropriately, "grampaandgrandmasterflash," the world is now full of octogenarians paying homage to the rap pioneer, who, in light of these events, really doesn't seem that old school. In fact, many of these grandmothers were probably bumping "The Message" around the time that their children graduated from college. But even the hippest of early rap listening grandpeople couldn't have foreseen today's struggles. Specifically, when trying to tag yourself on the elderly dating website called "Facebook.com," you can easily trip up. We looked into it. Apparently, if you type in the word "Grandma," and then simply press Enter, you immediately and automatically assume the government-issued identity of Grandmaster Flash.
Since this phenomenon began, the Grandmaster Flash Facebook account has taken notice. In fact, it has encouraged the joke. Last night, the verified account posted a status that reads "My Grandmaster Flash made the best biscuits. Your turn, now GO!" Good one, Grandma Ster. But let's look a little deeper. Don't let the world's elderly manipulate you like this. All evidence points to the idea that a collective of internet-savvy grandpeople is trolling the youth—and trying to put us all on to classic rap. They don't fuck with Young Thug, they don't fuck with Chief Keef, they're trying to save real rap. Think about it, the Tumblr is probably run by deep-web probing computer nerds who have generations on generations of descendants under their belts, a.k.a. the real influencers. The Grandmaster Flash Facebook account is clearly run by a nursing home full of grandmothers and grandfathers with nothing better to do than bring us all back to the glory days of 1982.
They're all giggling behind their community's 2004 Dell, and you're the victim. So before you give old people a pass for their "innocent mistakes" due to "an inability to use modern technology properly," stay woke to the fucking facts.