Greetings. If you’re reading this, you may have a pre-existing condition. Welcome to club! There are nearly 24 million of us and we may lose our health care. Unlucky for us, Paul Ryan has wet dreams about exploiting the vulnerable. Lucky for us, a handful of rappers have dedicated lyrics to exploring (limited) alternatives to health insurance.

(DISCLAIMER: While we have no data to support success rate. Assume that since our laws are relics of the middle ages, I expect our mortality rates will be too.)