I would like to start off by giving every god ever worshipped in the history of civilization the glory for some of your cousins being dead wrong about Joseline Hernandez’s alleged suspension for multiple episodes of Love and Hip-Hop Atlanta. I don’t know where that rumor came from, but I wish nothing but bad things to the DVR of its originator. As far as this show goes, Joseline’s name holds weight like kilo and most of the other girls be acting so corny like Fritos. Yes, I like Mariah Carey’s new single “Infinity.”
In any event, not only was the Puerto Rican Princess back, she even managed to display a little growth. You see, after knocking on Stevie J’s door—yes, as if she doesn’t live in that rented mansion with him, but let’s pretend—Joseline lovingly straddled her man and told him in the same way that she needed help managing her anger, Stevie needed to seek treatment for his substance abuse. Stevie was in denial about said drug use, but Joseline loudly noted, “EVERYBODY KNOW STEVIE J GET HIGH.” Stevie J’s line of defense is “I failed a few drug tests along the way.” ’Round these parts we call that a problem, playboy.
Stevie J’s line of defense is “I failed a few drug tests along the way.” ’Round these parts we call that a problem, playboy.
Speaking of the wrong brand of piss, Stevie J had failed yet another round of drug tests—resulting in him being ordered to a rehabilitation facility. Part of this all has to do with the legal trouble he has stemming from his indictment over owing $1 million in back child support. In his confessional, Stevie explained, “I got one baby mama trying to eat off my old salary.” That could very well be true, but you know what would’ve solved that problem? Paying the bill when you were poppin’ like that.
I love that Joseline is the one encouraging Stevie J to seek treatment. I love Joseline even more for saying she doesn’t want to go upside the heads of the women clucking at her and talking that big girl talk her way—this means you, Mimi Faust. Stevie J wants Joseline to meet with Mimi so the two can get along while he spends 30 days in a group circle, explaining why he fell in love with the coco. Joseline was down for it and even managed to give Mimi a compliment over her daughter and stepdaughter, Eva. Mimi, on the other hand, was weary, but this is LHHATL, so clearly the two are meeting on the next episode.
Hopefully the meeting goes better than Stevie J’s encounter with his knockoff version, Nikko. Stevie J may be a lot of things, but he told the absolute truth when he told Nikko that he was a “ho” and a “bitch.” Mimi would later go on to aptly surmise him as a “fucking ho ass nigga.” I also caught Mimi telling Nikko to go fuck another man. Somewhere K. Michelle is bouncing that lifted butt in hilarious irony and celebration.
There were other kinds of ho chronicles told last night and they starred a returning Yung Joc and Captain of All Creeps, Kirk.
So, Yung Joc has eight kids with multiple women but is presently dating Khadiyah. You know, the woman who looks like a plumper Nivea who has multiple job titles and got into it with Karlie Redd over Mr. “It’s Going Down.” Yeah, they’re together now and she’s tricking on Joc something terrible. Not surprisingly, Joc is still caressing one of his baby mamas in front of the camera crew. The baby mama in question is throwing it at him something heavy, which means those two are fucking and Not Nivea is going to be performing a violent version of “Don’t Mess With My Man” in the not too distant future. Let Joc tell it, “I ain’t a player. I just love a little too hard sometimes.” That’s a ho Psalm, y’all.
I’m trying to figure out how Yung Joc supports eight kids with one-and-a-half hits and a VH1 check. But let me shut my ass up since I’ve been treating my kids—my student loans—like I’m a deadbeat dad lately.
As for the other ho, Kirk, yo, someone explain to me why Rasheeda is still married to this man? Rasheeda finally meets Kirk’s new “artist,” Ashley Nicole, and Ashley Nicole is praising Rasheeda, though in a shady ass way. Ashley Nicole made it very clear that she loved Rasheeda’s “My Bubble Gum” back when she was like two and just waiting for the day she could throw herself at some married creep on basic cable. But if nothing else, she did provide Rasheeda the intel that Kirk was renting an apartment and calling it an office. With the help of nosy ass Karlie Redd, Rasheeda found out Kirk’s fake office and rolled up in there.
I still don’t believe anyone is paying $3,500 to rent an apartment in Atlanta unless the apartment is the Tyler Perry Studios lot, but I guess.
Lastly, Momma Dee’s ex-husband returned. They were at the strip club (of course) and Momma Dee apologized for putting his ass in jail after discovering he stole meat from Lil’ Scrappy. I appreciate Momma Dee’s dedication to speaking as if Huggie Bear is her arch nemesis, if nothing else.
Before I go, a few notes:
Kirk and Joc are “friends,” but he doesn’t know he has kids. You don’t know that man.
Lil' Scrappy talks like he is gargling marbles and scrapple at the same damn time. No shade.
In his confessional, Nikko acts like he’s been cast as a villain on Gotham.
I shouldn’t be surprised Mimi Faust’s ghostwriter for her book is “The writer in the barbershop.”
Joseline is back to dressing like Sensational Queen Sherri.
Michael Arceneaux hails from Houston, lives in Harlem, and praises Beyoncé’s name wherever he goes. Follow him @youngsinick.
