Bill Maher Channels Donald Trump in Imaginary State of the Union Speech: "Lick My Balls, No New Taxes"

Bill Maher tells us what we want to hear.

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Complex Original

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Given the current Republican front-runner is someone who who calls his rivals "pussy," pledges to "bomb the shit" out of ISIS, and wants to murder terrorists with bullets dipped in pigs' blood, Bill Maher is just reading the writing on the wall. In a segment on Real Time with Bill Maher yesterday, Maher noted that the tone of political discourse in America has changed. "The voters have decided that not only do they not mind their leader swearing, the kind of like it," he said. 

With that in mind, Maher offered us all a look at what a future State of the Union speech might look like, provided we continue down the path to Idiocracy. He mounts the presidential podium himself to deliver such stirring declarations as, "I stand before you tonight to report that the state of the union is fucking awesome. Thanks to the programs that we've put in place, inflation has been kicked in the taint, we are job-creating like a motherfucker, and our deficit is shrinking like a cock on a cold morning."

He goes on to shout out two members of the audience, one who "busted his nut sack for 27 years assembling break pads" only to lose his job when the hypothetical company moved to Mexico, and one who works at a country strip club called "Puss In Boots" to make ends meet. "Let us make this pledge," he says on her behalf, "that in the richest country in the world, no one should have to do a lap dance or suck a dick to make ends meet. Which is why if Congress asks me to raise taxes I'll say to them, 'lick my balls—no new taxes.'" 

He finishes up with a threat that sounds eerily Trump-ian: "Let every nation know that if you fuck with the United States, you are fucking with the most balls-out, badass swinging dicks the world has ever seen, and we will not hesitate to skull-fuck you, tear your head off, and shit down your neck." A statement befitting an alien warlord, indeed.

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