The Lord delivered this decision via a nephological phenomenon, as he is wont to do, on Saturday morning. In a stunning display of omnipotence, God took time out from his presumably hectic schedule to craft Trump's profile out of a cloud.
Executive Vice President of the Trump Organization and legal counsel to The Donald himself, Michael Cohen, first took notice and shared the news with Twitter.
Cohen then tagged Trump surrogate and conservative talk show host Sean Hannity, among others, in the tweet, which refers to Trump as "the people's messenger." We're not just talking a businessman—we're talking messiah.
If God really is voting Trump, it is statistically likely that the Lord is a Protestant white man with "long simmering economic dysfunctions."