What's a person to do when their husband attempts to have them killed by hiring some freelance hit men who happen to possess something called a conscience? For one Australia woman, the answer is pretty clear: Crash your own funeral just to fuck with him. "I felt like somebody who had risen again," Noela Rukundo tells BBC News.
Rukundo's bafflingly triumphant story of survival begins in her native Burundi, where she received a call from her husband Balenga Kalala. "I didn't think anything," Rukundo reveals. "I just thought that he cared about me, that he was worried about me." In Africa for her stepmother's funeral, a distraught Rukundo started to open up about the difficulties she was facing in the wake of the sudden passing when Kalala suggested she step outside for some fresh air.
"I opened the gate and I saw a man coming towards me," Rukundo recalls. "Then he pointed the gun on me." Another man covered her face with a scarf and forced her into a car before driving "30 or 40 minutes" to a predetermined location. Tied to a chair and still blindfolded, Rukundo is questioned about why someone had paid to have her killed. After the would-be hit men place a quick call to their client, that someone is revealed to be Balenga Kalala. "I knew he was a violent man," Rukundo admits to BBC. "But I didn't believe he can kill me."
However, unbeknownst to Kalala, his hired hit men had a very strict policy: no women and children. After placing another call to Kalala to demand even more money, the hit men spared Rukundo and she promptly made her way back to Australia to confront her husband. "When I get out of the car, he saw me straight away," Rukundo recalls of the February 2015 encounter, which amazingly took place at what Uproxx reports was supposed to be her own funeral. "He put his hands on his head and said 'Is it my eyes? Is it a ghost?'"
Following his admission of guilt regarding an incitement to murder charge in December of last year, Kalala has now been sentenced to nine years in prison.