We all make mistakes. Luckily, the majority of us have the privilege of being nobodies. Our follies are shielded by anonymity. Get suckered into a pyramid scheme? Shart during communion? Accidentally send a dick pic to your 23 twitter followers? Walk into a road sign? Very few people will find out.
Unfortunately, celebrities don't have that luxury. If it's not paparazzi, they have to worry about zealous fans clutching smartphones with video recording apps at-the-ready. Such is life for the famous. Whereas actors and actresses show flashes of everyday human qualities, musicians don't, specifically rappers. A rapper's job is to rhyme words together and then be as cool as possible when they are not rhyming words together. Occasionally, their swag-laden persona crumbles like the walls of Jericho. And, when it does, we have TMZ, smartphones and paparazzi to capture it for our enjoyment.
Let us collectively enjoy The Top 20 Hip-Hop Fails of 2013 (So Far). Schadenfreude ahoy!
Written By Justin Roberson (@BauceSauce)
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Lil Wayne Sexualizes Emmett Till Tragedy
Date: 2/10/2013
2008 Lil Wayne would rap words from his codeine-coated mouth, and we would say "Whoa. What did you say, Lil Wayne?" His lyrics were quotable and rewind-worthy. 2013 Lil Wayne raps words from his codeine-coated mouth, and we say "Why would you say that, Lil Wayne?" His lyrics are laughable and a fast-forward-worthy.
"Beat that pussy up like Emmet Till??!!" Whoa! Reducing a horrible, historical instance of racist violence to a punchline is already suspect. But a nasty, sexual, kind-of misogynistic punchline? And then that gross little gremlin giggle after it? And at the one-year anniversary of the Trayvon Martin shooting to boot? Thanks for tainting a Future song, Lil Wayne. Wayne lost his Mountain Dew sponsorship, and not a moment too soon.
As the old adage goes, treat the pussy how you would like to be treated.
Rick Ross' UOENO Controversy
Date: 2/13/2013
Here's what you don't do when you allude to raping a woman in a song. Not apologize. "Woman is the most precious gift known to man. There was a misunderstanding of a lyric... the term 'rape' wasn't used. I would never use the term 'rape' in my records... we don't condone rape, and I'm not with that."
I dont condone rape.Apologies for the #lyric interpreted as rape. #BOSS
— Mastermind (@rickyrozay) April 4, 2013
Easiest way to deflect responsibility is to put the burden on everyone else. You're right, Ross. We totally misinterpreted "Put Molly all in her champagne, she ain't even know it/I took her home and I enjoyed that, she ain't even know it." You didn't say rape. That was our bad for misconstruing the situation.
If nothing else it's apparent that Rick Ross has no earthly idea how Molly actually works. Rappers have to name check the drug du jour; it's in their contracts. "U.O.E.N.O." was near the end of the month, and Officer Ricky needed to meet the quota. Ross would eventually lose the Reebok sponsorship he would allegedly have died for.
Related: Activists Want Rick Ross to Apologize for "U.O.E.N.O." Lyric
Gucci Mane Changes Name to Guwop
Date: 3/4/2013
Gucci Mane had lowkey (like the far left of a piano) been going by GuWop—or at least shouting it out in songs—for a about a year before he dropped this bombshell on Twitter.
July 2nd I'm officially changing my rap name to Guwop and retiring the great GucciMane Thanks Fans, for 8 years as Gucci now it's Wop turn
— Gucci Mane (@gucci1017) March 4, 2013
OMG! NO! GUCCI MANE HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY DO THIS TO US? HOW WILL WE EVER COPE WITH THIS CHANGE? I GUESS IF YOU GAVE US ABOUT 35 MINUTES WE MIGHT BE ABLE TO COME TO TERMS WITH THIS UNWELCOME SURPRISE...
I am officially NOT changing my name to Guwop it will officially stay Gucci Mane due to my Fans' response.. Trap House 3 & Juug House July 2
— Gucci Mane (@gucci1017) March 4, 2013
WHAT IS WITH THESE SHENANIGANS SIR GUWOPINGTON, ESQ.? JUST AS WE WERE GETTING USED TO CALLING YOU GUWOP YOU GO AND PULL THIS TRICK? WERE YOU EVEN SINCERE ABOUT CHANGING YOUR NAME IN THE FIRST PLACE?
Thankfully, Gucci Mane lives on, in our hearts and in our iTunes libraries forever.
Related: Gucci Mane Changed His Name to "Guwop" for 10 Minutes
Brad Paisley and LL Cool J's "Accidental Racist" Controversy
Date: 4/8/2013
If Nelly and Tim McGraw couldn't solve racism with a rap-country duet, no one can. LL Cool J and Brad Paisley's attempt was so very much worse. How bad is this song? We're pretty sure every bigot who listened to "Accidental Racist" became more bigoted after listening to it. Brad Paisley crooning "I'm just a whiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiite man"?! While LL Cool J equates a du-rag to a confederate flag!!! People who weren't even bigots before probably became bigots after listening to this song.
Related: Brad Paisley and LL Cool J Team Up For "Accidental Racist," Which You Should Listen to Immediately
Jay-Z Gives Obama Unneccessary Headaches
Kanye Walks Into A Pole
Drake's Dada Meme
Tim Dog Fakes His Own Death
Young Money Signs Paris Hilton
Yung Berg x Superhead
Papoose Crashes Summer Jam
Drake's Awkward "FIFA 14" Introduction
J-Kwon Disses Pusha T & Odd Future
Date: 6/12/2013
J-Kwon should have heard the riffs from Pusha and Tyler, and not made a diss song. He could have then sat patiently and taken the compliment Kanye West gave him during his New York Times Interview, made a clever tweet about it, and supplant himself as briefly relevant. What he did instead was make an awful diss song attacking Pusha T and Tyler The Creator. What's funny is that his diss record came out in April, but no one knew until the Ye interview quote made people Google search "Is J-Kwon still alive?"
At least J-Kwon gets to join the esteemed company of Lil Zane and Rah Digga as another tertiary hip hop artist that got dissed by and then dissed Tyler The Creator. See you in 2018, J-Kwon!
Related: Kanye West Just Gave J-Kwon His 16th Minute of Fame
Chief Keef Goes In And Out of Jail
J. Cole Disses Us For No Reason
Date: 6/22/2013
J. Cole was busy not doing anything leading up to the release of his sophomore album Born Sinner. He hopped on Twitter to deliver a diatribe to nameless critics and publications. (By the way, we can assure you our reviewer listened to the album numerous times).
Projections fucking up hip hop
- J. Cole (@JColeNC) June 19, 2013
First week tally’s fuckin up hip hop - J. Cole (@JColeNC) June 19, 2013
Your 1 listen reviews are fucking up hip hop. - J. Cole (@JColeNC) June 19, 2013
To keep it real, your whole publication is fuckin up hip hop.
- J. Cole (@JColeNC) June 19, 2013
- J. Cole (@JColeNC) June 19, 2013
- J. Cole (@JColeNC) June 19, 2013
After his rant, Cole hopped on Drake's "Jodeci Freestyle" and rhymed, ""Yet your covers keep perplexing me/Maybe it's too Complex for me." It's all fairly weak and whiny, but we suppose Cole had to let some frustrations out after letting Nas down.
Related: Drake Drops Four New Songs in One Night and Announces Album Release Date
Rappers Old Tweets Resurface
Date: 6/24/2013
Rappers be lying, bruh. Every day. User @SargeWP used Twitter's advanced search features to find old tweets from rappers talking about other rappers. Calamity ensued. He unearthed such gems as French Montana calling Kanye West gay:
Kreayshawn saying racial epithets:
And much more. For the full run-down Read These Old Tweets Where Your Favorite Rappers Diss Each Other.
Action Bronson and ScHoolboy Q would own up to it. Saying their opinions have changed over time, and that if they said it at one point that's how they felt at the time. Real. You know who didn't? Travis Scott, who not only dissed Big Sean and Jay-Z (despite being buds with them now), but also insulted T.I., the boss of the label he is currently signed to. Instead of standing by his older opinions, Travis used an app to delete 15,000 of his tweets. What a stand up guy. Big Sean even spoke with Cosmic Kev about the Travis tweets earlier this week.
Rappers from Freddie Gibbs to Danny Brown to ScHoolboy Q and more all had negative things to say about Wale. He seems to be universally hated. It would appear Drake's ubiquitous "no new friends" mantra rings true. Be wary of rappers' opinions.
RELATED: Here Are a Bunch of Old Tweets Wherein Your Favorite Rappers Diss Each Other
Havoc Gets Hacked
Rick Ross Thinks Africa Is A Country
Date: 6/24/2013
It's been a great year in failure for Rick Ross.
Just landed in the beautiful country of Africa..I can tell you that the world is excited for #TheGifted
— Mastermind (@rickyrozay) June 24, 2013
For all the kids out there, Africa is a continent, not a country. Word to tectonic plates. We're also confident Africa is way more excited to stop famine, genocide, oppression, disease, etc. than a fucking Wale album.