Image via Complex Original
Let’s be honest here: Men’s style is a kind of a no-brainer. You don't even have to dress well to get by, and a little grooming goes a long way. People just don't expect much. Keep a clean cut, avoid bogus trends, and you’ll save yourself mounds of embarrassment decades down the line.
Who you should be embarrassed for is these guys. These are the attention whores, better known as celebrities. Whether it's spray-painted Caesars or white dudes with cornrows, leave it to those in the spotlight to step out with the most cringe-worthy ‘dos.
Sure, some styles are a product of the times. (Everyone had a bowl cut in ’88.) But it’s the extreme mullets and desperate combovers that are not only unnecessary but now immortalized in the pages of Google Images. Thanks, Internet!
With that, we present to you the 50 Worst Celebrity Hair Styles.
50. Riding Conan O'Brien's Crimson Wave
Lifespan: 1995-present
Reminds us of: There's Something About Mary
As they say in the South: "The higher the hair, the closer to God." Judging by the late-night host's ever-rising bangs (and that shockingly egotistical documentary last year), it appears he believes himself to be Irish Jesus.
49. Simon Cowell May In Fact Be Wearing Sod
Lifespan: 2008-2011
Reminds us of: A poorly mowed lawn
How the hell does one even part a flat top? The American Idol judge started the series with a pretty decent cut, but sometime around David Cook (if you can even remember who that dude is) Cowell evidently forgot he was filmed for national television every night sitting down. Though, it looks like Britney's fleet of engineers (er, the X Factor hair and makeup team) returned him to a less embarrassing state these days.
48. When Joel McHale Was Bald
Lifespan: 2000-2008
Reminds us of: A bottle opener
Before he was in Gap ads and played the guy "more handsome than the guy who's famous for being handsome," Joel McHale was...balding? However much those plugs cost, they were worth it. Jeff Winger wouldn't be who he is today without them.
47. Cristiano Ronaldo's Sad Attempt at Irony
Lifespan: 2005-2010
Reminds us of: Junior high school
So even with a greasy rat tail, you can score serious amounts of ass? Oh, only if you're an internationally renowned athlete worth $160 million? Got it.
46. Steven Seagal's Lifelong Dream of Being Asian
Lifespan: 1988-present
Reminds us of: Every anthropology professor ever
If ever there were a posterboy for the Asian fetish, it'd be Steven Seagal. His signature slick ponytails would have bern enough to convince us, but of course he can't resist throwing in a healthy collection of embroidered jackets and asian-themed music videos (please watch "Girl It's Alright") to squash any doubt.
45. Steve Harvey and the World's Only Non-Hipster Mustache
Lifespan: 2008-present
Reminds us of: A bushy eyebrow
We're going to go ahead and count the 'stache as a hairstyle for this one just because it's so damn ridiculous. As soon as the former Def Comedy Jam comic shaved his head (but kept the tickler), he assumed he could confidently dole out life advice to women, via self-help books, and bad Tyler Perry-knockoff movies. That alone earns him a spot here.
44. Busta Rhymes' Gravity-Defying Dreads
Lifespan: 1990-2005
Reminds us of: An ill-fated Cabbage Patch kid
Taking a more theatrical approach than his rap competitors of the early '90s, Busta Rhymes somehow made flamboyant costumes, humorous characters and lots of fish-eye lenses seem totally legit. And he couldn't have done it in a Caesar cut. Sure, he looked like an utter fool, but you gotta hand it to him for originality.
43. The Hippie Mobster, Starring Mickey Rourke
Lifespan: 2005-2010
Reminds us of: Play-Doh spaghetti
Mickey Rourke had already been back on the scene for a couple of years before The Wrestler, but it wasn't until the media zoo surrounding that film that he fully adopted this rare blend of pimp meets yogi. The fedoras and scarves and vests without shirts certainly complemented the look—but they don't excuse it.
42. David Spade's Unsolicited Shampoo Commercial
Lifespan: 2000-present
Reminds us of: Pretty much any local female news anchor
First things first: David Spade was blessed with a damn good head of hair. But just because it's the color and texture girls would kill for doesn't mean it needs to be styled as such, especially on a grown-ass man. Scale back the blowouts, dude.
41. The 25-Year Part: A Mike Myers Story
Lifespan: 1988-present
Reminds us of: A washed-up JNCO model
The man has literally parted his hair the same way for the better part of three decades. No one outside of the mid '90s should ever be subjected to a butt cut (or any more Austin Powers sequels, for that matter).
40. Justin Bieber's Helmet Swoop
Lifespan: 2008-2011
Reminds us of: A softball player
Teen pop stars are a low blow, we'll admit. But can you honestly have a "worst hair" list that doesn't somehow involve something so meticulously brushed, sprayed and sculpted? That'll be a rough Google search when he's in his 50s. Poor thing.
39. Paul Malignaggi Is a Douchebag Beyond Even Normal Douchebag Trends
Lifespan: 2005-2009
Reminds us of: The hair gel aisle
In and out of the ring, the super lightweight chose a look and stuck by it: frosted tips with a functionless sweatband, purely to highlight said tips. And that's just before he momentarily opted for a braided weave. Any and all punches are warranted.
38. The Physics Wiz That Is Pauly D
Lifespan: 2009-present
Reminds us of: Something you'd scrub your tires with
For a process that has been filmed so intensely, we will still never understand how the Jersey Shore housemate manages to get his hair so perfect (meaning symmetrical) so consistently.
37. Mario Lopez, B.J.S. (Before Japanese Straightening)
Lifespan: 1989-1993
Reminds us of: A loofah
Ah, the plight of the Saved by the Bell kids—immortalized by stereotypical early '90s coifs. Mario Lopez certainly has manicured himself within an inch of his life these days, but no amount of ab shots or episodes of Extra will ever make us forget the tight, curly mullet that defined AC Slater.
36. John Stamos' Big Break as a Fake Rockstar
Lifespan: 1987-1988
Reminds us of: Any one of our mom's old Olan Mills portraits lining the hallway
Another victim of sitcom-character hair, John Stamos no doubt pulled some serious tail from that original Uncle Jesse 'do. But thankfully the show lopped off the extra length in the back fairly early on in the series. The totally authentic, rebellious rocker attitude remained...
35. More '80s Embarrassment From Siegried and Roy
Lifespan: 1970-1995
Reminds us of: Have you ever seen a pagent judge?
These two count as one, because really, who knows which is which? Before being associated with their unfortunate accident, the flamboyant performers were known for manes that rivaled only that of their jungle friends.
34. Going Back to David Bowie's Future
Lifespan: 1972-1990
Reminds us of: Tilda Swinton
In a time before MTV and celebrated androgyny, there was the greatest glam rocker of all time: David Bowie. Whatever character he portrayed—Ziggy Stardust, the Goblin King from Labyrinth or well, just himself—some version of a sky-high 'do has played a part. We can't let him escape the list, since some getups are truly terrible. But hey, the guy goes home to Iman every night. Maybe there's something to it?
33. Jared Leto's Fauxhawk Is as Confused as His Sexuality
Lifespan: 2010
Reminds us of: That toothbrush you keep forgetting to throw away
No stranger to worst lists, Leto's exceptional brand of wannabe punk-rock alien meets doe-eyed wood nymph never fails to baffle us—mostly just how disingenuous all his style choices are. But among the many offenses, his evolving mohawk of 2010 solidified that the whole "pretending not to care" jig is up.
32. Vanilla Ice Launches a Generation of Vertical Bangs
Lifespan: 1989-1993
Reminds us of: A mortifying parallelogram
There's really not a lot to say here. Overly styled white guy with a striped fade? It's embarassing for everyone. Moving on.
31. What Lies Beneath Bret Michaels' Bandana
Lifespan: 2007-present
Reminds us of: Some terrible Mattel doll version of Bret Michaels
Maybe it's the eyeliner. Maybe it's all the bedazzle crosses on cowboy hats. But whatever methods of distraction Bret Michaels (post Poison) is using to shy people away from the apparent weave stitching below this bandanas is not working. You're not fooling anyone, Bret.
30. Dee Snider's Slick Backed Perm
Lifespan: 1990-present
Reminds us of: Draco Malfoy after a few stints in rehab
Radio personalities are weirdos. Radio personalities that used to be the lead singer of Twisted Sister... Well, let's just say the greased curly ponytail is possibly one of the least offensive routes he could have taken. But it still looks stupid.
29. As If It Were Possible to Make Chad Kroeger Any Lamer
Lifespan: 2001-2006
Reminds us of: A goldendoodle caught in the rain
As hard as it is to believe, the Nickelback frontman is considered a sex symbol in some cultureless Canadian circles. And yes, these moppy locks (and their lady-straightened version of late) have been the star of many a lonely Ottowa woman's wet dream.
28. Stevie Wonder's Ever-Receding Braids
Lifespan: 1978-present
Reminds us of: Suede fringe
Before the comment section explodes on this one: Listen. There was a time and a place for the braids, Stevie, before they migrated behind your ears. It's been a good 30-year run. Let 'em go. (We still love you, though.)
27. Joe Biden's Valiant Effort to Fill In the Holes
Lifespan: 2008-present
Reminds us of: Our favorite drunk uncle
Not as agressive of a combover as, say, Donald Trump (don't worry, he's coming), but the vice president sure is doing his best to try and fool us. Sorry buddy, people can photograph you from behind, too.
26. The Redneck Millionaire: Randy Johnson
Lifespan: 1989-1997
Reminds us of: A extra from the set of Roseanne
The MLB pitcher is 6'10'' and yet his sandy mullet, worn far beyond the excusable '80s window, is still what many remember most about him. Maybe it's a personal expression thing professional athletes have with their weird hair sticking out from uniformed hats and helmets, but guys, just save yourself the trouble (and that inevitable stalactite sweat thing that happens back there).
25. Justin Vernon's Hipster Combover
Lifespan: 2012
Reminds us of: Dudes who wore elbow patches before they were cool again
Those with indie cred have had Bon Iver on their radar for some time now, but those new to the band got quite the introduction to frontman Justin Vernon (or should we say Justin Vernon's bald spot with bangs) when they played SNL this year. One Justin Timberlake impression later and that hairline might as well be considered a band member.
24. Bow at the Thrown of Nicolas Cage's Forehead
Lifespan: 2010
Reminds us of: Riff Raff from The Rocky Horror Picture Show
Nic Cage does not give a shit about what you think of him—or so it seems by his career-long forehead confidence. But despite his most-memorable attribute growing wider by the day, even we were surprised to see him rock it so boldly during the Kick-Ass press tour in 2010. Although it does seem fitting for a dude about to impregnate the Statue of Liberty.
23. Brad Pitt's On-Again, Off-Again Love of the Scruff
Lifespan: Various
Reminds us of: That dude you met at Burning Man
At any given moment, you never know if Brad Pitt will show up to an event impeccably groomed with a fresh shave (to promote his latest blockbuster) or all Widespread Panic-roadie-style, a look he clearly prefers if left to his own devices. Hell, even Chanel managed to wrangle a combination of the two out of him. But honestly, that may be the worst of them all.
RELATED: The 10 Best Parodies of Brad Pitt's Chanel Commercial
22. Mel Gibson's Colonel Sanders Moment
Lifespan: 2009
Reminds us of: Need it bear repeating?
Okay fine, the style was for a movie role (aptly in The Colonel), but nothing thrills us more than the slippery slope that is Mel Gibson's personal image. And as long as that menacing photo lives on the Internet, a brilliant on-demand meme is only a click away.
21. The Don King of All Bad Hair
Lifespan: 1980-present
Reminds us of: Some lame electrical-socket joke
The man from which all bad-hair jokes are born, ladies and gentleman: Mr. Don King! We have to hand it to the guy, though. He has tirelessly picked that gray fro for decades, never letting a single hater bring him (or it) down.
20. Tim Burton Increasingly Moves Into Mad Scientist Territory
Lifespan: 2003-present
Reminds us of: Edward Scissorhands, duh
Tim Burton is the epitome of an eccentric. But it wasn't until around Big Fish that his somewhat unruly mop began to venture outward. And it's showing no signs of coming back in. At least this way he and Helena Bonham Carter can share the same dry shampoo.
19. Weird Al Yankovic's Curse of the Curls
Lifespan: 1980-present
Reminds us of: The clown from your first-grade birthday party (he's in jail now)
Weird Al has always been and will always be a great guilty pleasure. But even though batshit crazy is exactly what we expect of him, the parody singer's perfectly defined ringlets—all part of the act, surely—still deserve a spot on the list.
18. The Ass-Getting Anomaly That Is Adam Duritz's Dreads
Lifespan: 1991-present
Reminds us of: If Joey Lawrence, Sideshow Bob, and a few cheeseburgers were able to procreate
Who would have ever thought dreads could take a Jewish guy from Maryland so far? Or that it could also score the likes of Courtney Cox, Jennifer Aniston, Mary-Louise Parker, and Emmy Rossum? That said, we don't blame Duritz for never chopping them off. They've got a pretty good track record.
17. The Namesake Plight of Carrot Top
Lifespan: 1994-present
Reminds us of: Far too many carpet/drapes references
From a pulled-out triangle to a fluffy bounce and even a Kathy Griffin-level blowout, Carrot Top not only sticks with his namesake locks, he also continues to make it the centerpiece of his persona (if you don't count whatever the hell is happening with his delts).
16. Axl Rose's Braided Comeback
Lifespan: 2002-2009
Reminds us of: The Bratz Doll you got your niece for Christmas
If you thought the lady-like manes of '80s rockstars were bad, would you have ever been able to guess that the Guns 'n Roses legend would resurface years later with a head full of...braids? Following that style's seven-year stint (SMH), Rose went back to his feathered layers—this time with a lot more going on besides hair.
15. Nick Nolte Wins for the Most Notorious Mug Shot of All Time
Lifespan: 2002
Reminds us of: A wet shih tzu
So easily—if it weren't for this little gem in pop-culture history—Nick Nolte could have slipped through the celebrity cracks. But nope, he somehow managed to pull off the mug shot to end all mug shots, locking him into Internet lore for generations to come.
14. The No Man's Land Between Mr.T's Mohawk and Sideburns
Lifespan: 1988-present
Reminds us of: No comment for fear of a serious ass kicking
You gotta hand it to the guy for consistency. While he may have eased up on the chains these days, his commitment to shaving his exact hair pattern (a stripe between his mohawk and his beard) for nearly 30 years is, well, possibly something he should discuss with his therapist.
13. The Platinum Dye Job Guy Fieri Will Be Buried In
Lifespan: 2006-present
Reminds us of: Every dude you've ever seen at an air show
To the platinum tips that will never die, we have nothing witty left to say. All we have left is this: Bobby Moynihan, you're our hero. FULL THROTTLE.
12. Russell Brand's Animal Sanctuary
Lifespan: 2005-2009
Reminds us of: Obviously a bird's nest
What better to top off a gangly, feminine, loud, crass, comedian than a tuffet of ratty hair? Strangely, we guess it makes sense. Although, Katy Perry's influence (er, publicists) smoothed it all out, it couldn't help this lost cause.
11. David Beckham's Brilliant (Drunken) Idea
Lifespan: 2003
Reminds us of: Your redneck cousin
For a dude who's widely considered one of the best-looking in the world, this drunken decision (he said it, not us) proves there might not actually be much more beyond skin deep with him. We hope you enjoyed embarrassing all white people, David.
10. Andre Agassi's Infamous Tennis Toupee
Lifespan: 1987-1995
Reminds us of: A Koosh ball
In his 2010 book "Open," the tennis great revealed that he didn't cut his legendary mane because it was slightly thinning on top, he was actually supplementing it with a wig the whole time. He goes on to say that the stress of it possibly falling off affected his game, even causing some major losses. We'd feel sorry for him if it weren't such an ostentatious choice of hair piece...
9. Keith Flint's Reverse Mohawk
Lifespan: 1996-1997
Reminds us of: Krusty the Klown's "after meth" photo
Intentional male-patterned baldness is a ballsy move. But in this former dancer's case, it launched him into rock infamy. His performance in the "Firestarter" video solidified him (okay, really just his lawnmower stripe) as Prodigy's official frontman and the face of the '90s electronica movement.
8. Ugh, This Guy: Donald Trump
Lifespan: The beginning of time?
Reminds us of: A car wash mitt, accidentally left on the driveway, then run over 14 times
Like this jackass needs any more attention, but let's be honest, you can't have a terrible-hair list without including the man synonymous with the world's longest-running combover. Seriously, we can't even date when this shit birthed from his eyebrows.
7. The Disappearing Act of Coolio's Trademark Braids
Lifespan: 2011
Reminds us of: Black Homer Simpson
Everyone's got their signature look, we get it. But sometimes a grown-ass man has to make a decision about how to deal with age. The "Gangster's Paradise" star seems to have subscribed to the "if it ain't broke" school of thought. The only problem is that thinning vertical braids (often pulled through a hole in a fedora) are most definitely broke.
6. Troy Polamalu's $1 Million Ringlets
Lifespan: 2003-2011
Reminds us of: Mmmm...curly fries
It's entirely possible for something to be horrible and awesome all at once. Case in point: The Pittsburg Steelers strong safety's notorious curls. As we've said, long hair peeking out of helmets is the equivalent of going to a gas-station bathroom barefoot. But Polamalu's Head & Shoulders commercials (yes, that first photo is doctored) are legitimately hilarious.
5. Billy Ray Cyrus' Contribution to Society
Lifespan: 1992-2006
Reminds us of: Any given truck-stop diner patron
Take notes: This was THE panty-dropper in its day. Aggressively business up top and party out back, Billy Ray Cyrus' situation was the original form of peacocking. While we would never advise it now, it's a fascinating study in what fucking lemurs we are as a society.
4. Don't Try This Sisqo Style at Home
Lifespan: 1999-2001
Reminds us of: The abominable snowman's left nut
Y2K sent a ripple of fear through the country over. Some thought all their digital information would be wiped clean; others conspired more along the lines of some Rise of the Machines-type shit. But little did we know all that would come out of it was some asshole spray-painting his head silver and singing about thongs.
3. Michael Bolton's Long Journey to Letting Go
Lifespan: 1989-1998
Reminds us of: The guy that lead anti-drug assemblies in school
This, my friends, is the end-all, be-all trifecta of terrible cuts. You've got balding, a patchy bleach job, and frizzy, shoulder-length curls. Throw in a power ballad or seven, and you've got a time capsule of the legend that is soft rock.
2. Justin Timberlake's Edible Curls
Lifespan: 1998-2001
Reminds us of: Ramen noodles' "natural" state
The late '90s were a very confusing time. Boy bands replaced garage bands and it was an all-out battle of the crunchy bleached curls. And the clear winner (loser) was Timberlake. Eventually, the N Sync soprano ditched his bottle of L.A. Looks (and his band for that matter) for a sleek buzz cut and a slim suit. A decade and handful of pretty good SNL clips later, we've almost forgotten about where he started. Almost.
1. Dennis Rodman's Chemistry Experiment
Lifespan: 1993-present
Reminds us of: Skittles...post barf
As if our No. 1 spot could go to anyone else? A pretty brilliant basketball player who is known as much for his mulitcolored fros as his rebound game, Dennis Rodman has devoted his career to desperately begging for our attention. For whatever it's worth, he got it.