Life imitates art and art imitates life, but please for the sake of Christ, don't imitate this furry mess. A lot of y'all animal intolerant fashion apprentices are breathin' heavy for this kind of swag. That's cool and everyone has an opinion, but to KEEP IT 100™ with you playboys, a haircut is for one place and one place only and that's ya damn dome. SIMPLE. If you copped these or even entertained the thought of copping these fuckin' Swiffer duster shoes for one second, you gon' have ya barber lookin' real confused. SIMPLE. You will have your city's streets lookin' real spotless with these forreal, but after you clean them up, you can't even cop a subway shoeshine, playa. So just be proud of your community service if you choose to walk the earth in these, fam lmfao.
Now, I can finally understand why this fashion god has been sufferin' half his damn life. How you gonna walk on water in these fuckin joints, playboy smfh. Jesus definitely walks ma dude, but NOT IN THESE FUCKIN' JOINTS, PLAYBOY. Not in these joints. EVER. NEVER. Jesus had the open toe sandals and got his dogs washed by the ladies back at the crib. He didn't walk around with no damn permed out furballs on his fuckin' feet. That pimp walked around the desert lookin' more like Luke Skywalker then Chewbacca, juheard?
It's not my problem if some of you fashion mortals payed $975 for these Rainforest Cafe Kicks. Just remember that Steven P. Jobs reincarnated over there is selling you a cotdamn wig for all ten of your toes. I honestly don't have a problem with how you spend ya hard earned money, but I will not be babysitting ya fuckin' Furby while you and ya kicks run at the next My Little Pony-sponsored Kentucky Derby.
Scooby Wu is a private investigator usually seen sauntering in the streets of London and pissing on the doorstep of 221B Baker St. London NW1 6XE England. You can troll him in the comments below and follow him on Twitter here.
