For most people, your 20’s are a turbulent time. During this period, a person will truly discover who he is (probably a shithead) and start to explore his dreams (before he has kids and his life is ruined). There is often a great deal of change occurring for people this age, and, for some people, change means stress, anxiety and psychological dysfunction.
Not me though. My mind is a temple. It’s like an arrow perfectly gliding through the air to its destination, unharmed by any external stimuli. Wait, why are all these arrows shaped like dicks? Ahh! Get out of my head! You can’t control my thoughts!
Matt Rimer is a writer living in Boston. Follow him on Twitter here.
1. insane
2. screaming
3. spoiletalert
4. auditoryhallucinations
Small Penis Psychosomatic Auditory Hallucinations
Small Penis Psychosomatic Auditory Hallucinations can be caused by a number of factors. The most prominent trigger is when an ex-girlfriend tells a male that he has a “Lil Jon”. Symptoms include hearing non-existent sounds of people talking about how small your package is, as well as getting angry at someone before realizing that they were only talking about The Pianist with Adrien Brody.
5. mouthdiarreah
6. paulwalker
7. walletkeysphone
8. shower
9. toilet
10. bookhoarding
Hoarding Trendy Books You'll Never Read
Hoarding is a serious problem, and trendy book stockpiling is the worst kind of hoarding. If your apartment looks like the staircase of an Urban Outfitters, you’re probably a huge tool and also a trendy book hoarder. You’ll have Kurt Vonnegut, Irvine Welsh, as well as, The Karma Sutra, Quran, Atlas Shrugged and even Mein Kampf, as to appear to have an eclectic understanding of the world, while you look down your glasses at your guests. You’ll be buried in a mountain of paper and binds—a suffocating pile of your own artificial self-image.
11. delusionallifting
12. bronson
13. cheezit
14. daytimeinsomnia
15. pregant
16. bouncer
Restless Greg Syndrome
If your boy Greg keeps blowing up your phone asking if you want to go to the club, you have what is referred to as Restless Greg Syndrome. In this situation, your friend will repeatedly text and call you, claiming that he "totally knows the bouncer, so you won’t have to pay the cover." This is, of course, a complete fabrication, whether he realizes it or not, because everyone knows the bouncer and he can’t let everyone in.
17. mcrib
18. florida
19. kevinware
20. GOVTPARANOIA
21. mgmt
Bipolar Feelings Toward MGMT
One moment, you’re on top of the world, happy as can be, listening to Oracular Spectacular and then next, you’ve dropped $15 on their salty garbage self-titled album with not a single beat worth noting. If this describes you, then you are MGMT bipolar.