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The Kid Mero is the Voice of the Internet. He offers his opinions on everything from Justin Bieber's graffiti to octogenarian thots to cab-farts twice weekly on Complex.com. Mero speaks for himself; his views do not necessarily reflect those of James Dolan's secret Caribbean lover, the squeegee man at the corner of Myrtle and Nostrand Aves, Big Medicine, or Mike Woodson's life coach. You've been warned.
YO WHAT'S REALLY EXCELLENT DIGITAL INTERNET? IT'S YOUR BOY THE KID MERO AKA THE PERSONIFICATION OF THE BX9 BACK WITH SOME MORE FASHION KNOWLEDGEDARTS FOR YOUR CRANIAL MYOPATHY. VERY QUICKLY THOUGH I WANNA SHOUT OUT EVERYONE THAT'S BEEN FUCKIN WITH DESUS VS MERO (THE PODCAST, NOT THE SLAPBOXING MATCH). YOU ARE GREATLY APPRECIATED AND THANK YOU FOR SUPPORTING OUR PATH DOWN THE ROAD TO DESTRUCTION VIA DRUGS AND ALCOHOL AND STRIPPERS THAT ARE PROSTITUTES BUT PRETEND THEY ARE NOT PROSTITUTES.
ANYWAYDOE, THIS PAST WEEK OR SOME SHIT WAS FASHION WEEK IN MILAN WHICH IS A BIG DEAL BECAUSE #FASHION AND ALSO #AESTHETICS AND #HASHTAGS. HERE'S SOME "LOOKS" FROM DIFFERENT "HOUSES" OR WHATEVER. ACCOMPANIED OF COURSE BY VERY ASTUTE OBSERVATIONS FROM YA BOY.
JOHN VARVATOS
AS FAR AS FASHION DESIGNERS GO JOHN YOU ARE KINDA BORING MY GUY. YOU ALMOST TRICKED ME INTO THINKING THIS OUTFIT WAS SOME NEXT LEVEL SHIT BY HAVING AN AFRICAN DUDE IN KISS FACIAL PAINT STRUT DOWN THE RUNWAY WEARING THE SHIT. THIS IS VERY EXPRESS FOR MEN SWAG BRUHBRUH. LEMME GUESS YOU ALSO HAD KISS WALK THE RUNWAY? HAHAHA!!! HAHAHA IMAGINE HE HAD KISS WALK THE RUNWAY?! THAT WOULD BE FUCKIN HILARI----OH SHIT, NAH B.
VERSACE
DOGGIE, WHAT IS THIS? IS THIS CLOTHING FOR MUSCULAR GANG MEMBERS WHO ARE ALSO VERY OPEN ABOUT THEIR SEXUALITY? WHY DO YOU HAVE A MOPED HELMET MY GUY? IS IT FOR YOUR DICK? BECAUSE I DONT THINK THAT BANDANA CODPIECE IS GONNA SAVE YOUR DILZ IF YOU FIND YOURSELF IN A VIOLENT 15MPH MOPED COLLISION. PANTS ARE VERY INTERESTING. I SAT DOWN WITH GIANNI TO TALK ABOUT THIS AND HE SAID HE WAS INSPIRED BY MEXICAN DRUG CARTELS AND S&M. HAHA JK I DIDN'T REALLY SIT DOWN WITH VERSACE HE GOT KILT QUITE A WHILE AGO, WHICH MAY EXPLAIN THE DIRECTION HIS SHIT HAS GONE SINCE THEN. IS DONATELLA DOING THIS SHIT? DONATELLA GOT A CRISTAL IV AND PROBABLY HAS NEXT LEVEL ITALIAN BENZOS B, SHE SHOULD BE GETTING EATEN OUT ON A BEACH NOT DESIGNING MEXICAN SEX CHAPS.
ICEBERG
MAN I HAD SOOOOOO MANY FUCKING ICEBERG KNITS BACK IN THE DAY AND THIS IS EXTREMELY INCONGRUENT WITH THAT SHIT. THIS LOOKS LIKE A COOL SCIENCE TEACHER FROM THE FUTURE WITH A NOVELTY NECKBRACE. THIS DOES NOT REMIND ME OF THE TIME I COLD-CALLED A SALACIOUS YOUNG WOMAN FOR A BJ IN THE PARK FRESHMAN YEAR. THIS REMINDS ME MORE OF GOING TO A SPORTY FUNERAL AFTER I GOT INTO A CAR ACCIDENT AND GOT TREATED AT CAREBEAR HOSPITAL.
MISSONI
OK THIS IS COOL THIS IS REALLY COOL. REALLY "ETHNIC." I ENJOY THIS HUMAN SNUGGIE LOOK. IT'S VERY SPARE YET TECHNICAL. VERY BOHEMIAN YET VICTORIAN. VERY AFRICAN YET INDIAN. IDK WHAT THE FUCK I'M TALKING ABOUT B BUT THIS DUDE LOOK LIKE A BIRACIAL GIRL B. YOUR MAN LOOKS LIKE A DOMINANT CENTER IN THE WNBA. THE CASUALITY WITH WHICH HE THROWS THAT DORM ROOM AREA RUG FROM ANTHROPOLOGIE OVER HIS SHOULDER JUST SHOWS YOU THAT YO, HE DON'T GIVE A FUCK CUZ THE CHECK ALREADY CLEARED AND I'M STEALING THESE $4000 GRANDPA TROUSERS SO FUCK YOU BOOKING AGENT FOR TRYING TO BLOW ME WHEN I PASSED OUT IN THE HOTEL AFTER TOO MANY PERCOCETS.
VIVIENNE WESTWOOD
OK VIVIENNE I SEE YOU!! YOU GOING HARD AT VERSACE'S "MAKE MALE MODELS LOOK LIKE FUCKING DICKHEADS MORESO THAN USUAL" CROWN. YOU MAY HAVE POTENTIALLY TAKEN IT, LET'S SEE WHAT WE GOT HERE. RIDICULOUS BUBBLE JACKET, NEON UNDERWEAR FROM 1908 AS PANTS, HIGH HEEL GALOSHES MADE OUTTA KITCHEN GLOVES, AND TO TOP IT OFF A TOTE BAG YOU GET FROM THE LIBRARY WHEN YOUR KID READS FOUR BOOKS OVER THE SUMMER. WOW YOU ARE KILLING THE "I LOOK LIKE A FUCKING STUPID DICKHEAD ASSHOLE" GAME RIGHT NOW MA NOBODY IS TOUCHING YOU!
PRADA
YO MY GUY, WHAT IS GOING ON WITH THIS SLEEVELESS NAZI COAT STEEPTECH APRON? THE MAILMAN PANTS ARE A NICE TOUCH BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND THE FUNCTION OF A SLEEVELESS DRESSCOAT. IS THAT SHIT LINED WITH PITBULL FUR? IS IT WARM? IT LOOKS WARM, EXCEPT FOR THE ARMS BECAUSE THERE ARE NO ARMS. THIS IS KINDA DUMB MY PAL, YOU SHOULD UTILIZE THAT LARGE ASS POCKET TO HIDE YOUR FACE SO I DON'T THROW IT IN THE FUCKIN GARBAGE B. THEY MADE THIS BALLBAG WEAR A DRESS MADE OUTTA FLIGHT JACKETS, NOW I DONE SEEN IT ALL.
MONCLER GAMME BLEU
YO MONCLER IS THE LATEST "MUTHAFUCKAS IN THE HOOD WILL KILL YOU FOR THIS" FASHAWN ITEM. EXCEPT IT'S JUST THE SHINY JACKETS. I DON'T THINK ANYBODY ON MY BLOCK WOULD SHOOT ME FOR THIS ARGYLE DROP CROTCH SLEEPING BAG GAME SHOW HOST BLAZER ONESIE. I FUCK WITH THOSE GLOVES THO THE GLOVES ARE COOL BUT ULTIMATELY MONCLER IS DUMB FOR DOING A RUNWAY SHOW IN A BOWLING ALLEY BECAUSE THEY MADE ALL THE MODELS WEAR BOWLING SHOES INSTEAD OF THE CROSS COUNTRY SKIS THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO BE WEARING ORIGINALLY. PRODUCTION MANAGER DEFINITELY GOT FIRED BEHIND THAT.
PHILIPP PLEIN
YO THIS IS REALLY COOL B. IT'S ALWAYS REALLY UPLIFTING AND NICE TO HAVE THE YOUTH SHOW WHAT THEY CAN DO IN INDUSTRIES DOMINATED BY ADULTS. "MERO WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT MY G?" I'M TALKING ABOUT MR. PLEIN GETTING A 12-YEAR-OLD GIRL TO DESIGN A LOOK BASED ON HIS INSTRUCTIONS OF "DRAW ME A REALLY HOT SEXY GOTH COWBOY THAT IS TOTALLY COOL AND NOT LAME! OH AND HE RIDES A MOTORCYCLE!!" BASICALLY THIS MESS OF LEATHER PUBES CAME FROM THE MIND OF A 12-YEAR-OLD GIRL THAT LIVES IN THE MIDWEST AND THAT IS REALLY WHAT FASHION IS ALL ABOUT. BLOWING PEOPLES MINDS WITH INTOLERABLE AMOUNTS OF FUCKSHIT.
ETRO
WHAT IS THIS MY GUY? "MAD MEN" DIRECTOR'S CUT FOOTAGE? WHY ARE YOU DRESSED LIKE A PICNIC TABLE? WHY IS THERE TWO OF YOU? WAS IT "BRING YOUR SEXUALLY AMBIGUOUS SON TO WORK" DAY? WHAT'S IN THAT BRIEFCASE? IS THERE ANY FUCKS IN THERE? BECAUSE I NEED ONE TO GIVE ABOUT THESE DUMB ASS SUITS B. THIS IS SOME WILLY WONKA DR. SEUSS I-JERK-OFF-IN-THE-SHOWER-LISTENING-TO-MICKEY-MOUSE-SING-THE-HOTDOG-SONG TYPE BULLSHIT. I DARE YOU TO WEAR THIS TO WORK B. THEY'LL PUT YOU ON SUICIDE WATCH AND HR PERSONNEL WILL HIT YOU UP LIKE "IS EVERYTHING OK?" YOU LOOK LIKE THE WALLPAPER IN MY NANA'S HOUSE.
DOLCE & GABBANA
WOW B. FUCKING WOW. IS THIS A JOKE? WHY ARE YOU DRESSED LIKE AN AUTISTIC TODDLER AT BURGER KING?
"JILLIAN I DONT MEAN TO OFFEND BUT...WHY IS TYLER DRESSED LIKE THAT?"
"I LET HIM DRESS HIMSELF IT MAKES HIM FEEL EMPOWERED!"
THAT'S COOL AND ALL BUT WHEN HE GOES TO SCHOOL AND MUTHAFUCKAS THROW ORANGES AT HIM IN THE LUNCHROOM BECAUSE HE'S DRESSED LIKE A JAPANESE RAPPER GOING TO GET HIS TAXES DONE, DON'T BE MAD AT THE OTHER KIDS. TAKE THIS LITTLE JERKOFF TO BLOOMIE'S AND GET HIM SOME 'LO. DON'T LET HIM SINGLE-HANDEDLY RUIN HIS OWN CHILDHOOD.
