This is a guide to shaving your balls, your ding-a-ling, and anything else in that general area. If this is a process that you're looking to embark upon, you've come to the right place. If you're going to say "Pause" every time the male genetalia are referenced, then you're probably too immature to even possess the pubes this guide is about.
Transforming your smanging area from a wild, ugly beast into a tame, attractive...well, beast, is like a lot of things in life—it's a process that will require a lot of practice and a few mistakes. Eventually, you'll develop a way of doing things that suits you individually. But if you're new to the game or looking to improve upon lackluster results, we got you. After reading up on almost everything that's out there, as well as doing some disturbing Googling, here is a comprehensive guide on How to Shave Your Balls (in GIFs).
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This is a guide to shaving your balls, your ding-a-ling, and anything else in that general area. If this is a process that you're looking to embark upon, you've come to the right place. If you're going to say "Pause" every time the male genetalia are referenced, then you're probably too immature to even possess the pubes this guide is about.
Transforming your smanging area from a wild, ugly beast into a tame, attractive...well, beast, is like a lot of things in life—it's a process that will require a lot of practice and a few mistakes. Eventually, you'll develop a way of doing things that suits you individually. But if you're new to the game or looking to improve upon lackluster results, we got you. After reading up on almost everything that's out there, as well as doing some disturbing Googling, here is a comprehensive guide on How to Shave Your Balls (in GIFs).
RELATED: Common Summer Style Mistakes Guys Make (And How to Fix Them)
RELATED: How to Stay Stylish in a Heat Wave
Just do it
Sack up and do it with confidence.
Still hesitant? Here's why you need to grab the proverbial machete and start hacking away at the proverbial brush. Pubic hair traps bacteria and moisture, which is what creates that unmistakable odor that unfailingly elicits "smells like balls." Secondly, it will improve your overall aesthetic and appearance (translation: your dick will look bigger). And third, you know how you get a short haircut in the summertime 'cause of the heat? Word. Time to sack up.
Make some private time for your private parts.
Make sure you've done your research and you're prepared. Block out a good amount of time, lock the doors, and close the blinds. The last thing you want is something to interrupt you while you're honing the aero-dynamism of, apart from your vital organs, your most important bits.
If they're still wet, don't start hacking away just yet.
If they're still wet, don't start hacking away just yet.
It's best to shave your face after showering, when the heat and moisture makes your whiskers soft and ideal for sloughing off. But no matter how many times you've been called a dickhead, this ain't your face, cuh. Pat your shit completely dry for ideal conditions. You're already putting a blade near your nuts; no need to complicate the battle.
Don't try to get fancy with chemicals, creams, foams, and any other extra products.
DO NOT USE CHEMICAL HAIR REMOVAL PRODUCTS LIKE NAIR! Otherwise your shmanger will end up looking like that Nazi who melts in Raiders of the Lost Ark.
Use the Right Tools
Use the right tools on your tool.
We recommend using an electric trimmer with a guard that will ensure uniform length and evenness. Using scissors isn't a terrible idea, but since you're not a barber, you run the risk of having your dick rock the same asymmetrical haircut as Danny Brown. Also, scissors are much riskier in terms of slicing yourself. And you don't want to slice your dick, do you? (More on what to do if you slice your dick later)
Once you're prepped, dive right in.
Stop being weird and get in there. It's your dick. You've manhandled it upwards of 900,000 times. It can literally handle a beating, so why are you scared of it now? Squat over your toilet or in the shower, and start stretching everything out like a giant wad of chewed-up bubblebum. You know how you stretch out your face when you're shaving so that everything's nice and flat? Do that, except with your penis and nutsack.
Don't shave all the way down to the skin.
Otherwise, like your facial hair, your nut-follicles might come back all spiky and rough. Besides "burn-y," spiky and rough are the last two adjectives you want describing the situation going on in your bathing suit area. Still not convinced? Do the words scrotal ingrown hairs not make you vomit with fear? Also, you'll have the groin of a 9-year-old. And lastly, you're more likely to come away with cuts and abrasions, which can heighten the risk of STDs. Come on, bruh. Those were the most convincing few sentences you've ever read.
In the cut
If the worst possible thing happens, stay calm.
Despite all the machismo talk on ball-shaving forums about how dudes use chainsaws to trim their pubes and don't give a fuck about cuts, nicking your D is no laughing matter. First, stop screaming and get your hands on a band-aid or a cotton ball or something. Apply gentle pressure to stop the bleeding, and apply some Neosporin or triple antibiotic ointment to keep the area clean. The last thing you want is an infection fucking your shit up, so keep one eye on your one-eyed monster, and if anything develops that reminds you of last spring break's fallout, cancel everything in your life and go see a doctor.
Proceed to the rear with extreme caution.
Let's talk gooch and butt. Go back as far as you want, but this will probably employ at least two mirrors and at least three yoga sessions for flexibility's sake. Warning: you probably don't want to employ a scorched earth policy on your backside's secret garden. All that vegetation is there for a reason—namely to reduce friction. And in case you forgot basic physics, friction = heat. Heat = chafing/rash. Chafing/rash = tears.
Enjoy the fruits of your labor.
Throw some refreshing baby powder on whatever parts of your scro' and shaft you just slashed away at, do a thorough clean-up job, and enjoy the gentle caress of a summer breeze on your newly shorn genitalia.
