The Best and Worst Dressed at the 2014 MTV VMAs

No disrespect to the journo legend, but you have to do better than Security Guard Chic, fam.

God-level, as usual. The records show that the last time Jeremy Scott gave a fuck was a few moments 1981 when he was stressing about what to wear to the first day of kindergarten. Since then, the legend hasn't stopped having a blast.

Common's appearance during the show served as a very brief, but still very important acknowledgement of the Ferguson controversy and the ongoing cry for justice, which deserves all of the props. His sweater, on the other hand? Giant thumbs down, unless dude's about to announce that Star Trek 3 casting.

No one flexed harder last night than Jody Highroller—besides Beyoncé, of course. The Versace Python closed out the red carpet show in style by revealing himself as the driver of Katy Perry's arrival-Lamborghini and then, bigger surprise: they were dressed in matching denim alphets, a direct nod to Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears' top 10 most memorable couples' getup of all time, with a Versace update, of course. Of course this look would normally get the wearer tossed into the loony bin, but you gotta give it to Riff for the pop culture homage and sheer ridiculousness.

America hasn't experienced a universal SMH moment like this since 'N Sync's days.

In the Dapper Hour.

It sucks that we have to kill Jimmy Fallon since his brief bit was a genuinely funny breath of fresh air in the wake of those struggle Jay Pharaoh pop-ins. But throwing a blazer over a polo, G? And Dad jeans on top of that achromatic fail? Considering how fresh James stays on The Tonight Show, we were disappointed to see him dress like a guy who just got released from Normcore Anonymous trying too hard to reintegrate into society.

Came through with the ketchup jacket, bricked it.

Your boy was definitely the only guy in the house wearing shit you can easily cop in any decent mall.

Real friends brick the carpet together.

Thou shalt not hate on Jigga's Hip Dad Fedora—or any fedoras, ever again—let him enjoy this phase.

We get it, Breezy. The flannel around the waist move is "your thing." This was definitely a step in the right direction for the singer, but still a whiff.

We cringed when Jim sauntered on-stage with Dumb and Dumber To co-star Jeff Daniels rocking a regrettable summer scarf. Then we cheesed as their bit quickly evolved into a fun bit of banter and physical comedy on the sheer swaglessness of Jim's pointless accessory. As for Jeff's 17-button jacket, it looks like dude got a hand-me-down from an NBA player circa 2005.

C'mon J, didn't you get the memo that all-cow-everything was murdered back at last year's Summer Jam? If Juicy wants to snatch up next year's CFDA Fashion Icon Award to put next to his Oscar and Moonman, he better step it up.

This was kind of corny and basic but given the year Usher's had, this could've been so so so much worse. So there's that.

Good job subverting those Bargain Bin Bieber jokes, fam.

Miley ceding her platform to her homeless runaway friend Jesse was the sweetest (and canned) moments of the night that wasn't related to Blue Ivy. But in addition to drawing attention to the endemic issue of the runaways and homeless youth of the country, Cyrus' +1 looked pretty sharp in a clean layup of fresh blazer, crisp white shirt, and air tie.

Yep, Derulo takes his alphet cues from the Kim K game. Would you expect anything less from one of the most swagless "Why Is He Still Around?" names of the past few years? (Also he definitely pulled a few metal thingies off of Amber's "dress.")