Image via Complex Original
Fair warning up front: we're not judging. All of us, from Complex reader to writer, are probably guilty of at least two behavioral patterns on this list, at the minimum. But facts are facts: certain practices us #fashionable people pull in public are lowkey, type-douchey. Like that poet laureate Future once said, ain't no way around it. You can try and pardon such wack actions as par for the course when one is about this fresh 24/7 life, but that excuse only goes so far. If several of the following slides is you (spoiler: Instagram is a recurring factor), then well, you're just another statistic on the rising wave of millennial narcissism, as heavily influenced by social media. No big deal, though. These are 10 Supposedly Stylish Behaviors That Actually Make You Look Like a Douche Bag.
Checking yourself out in every reflective surface you walk by
Compulsively double-triple-quadruple checking yourself in every halfway reflective surface you encounter during the day is like, the height of Alphet Narcissism. You already spent 20 minutes in front of your bathroom mirror (and the bedroom mirror, and the living room mirror, and the mirror by your front door) before you left, and now here you are needlessly re-affirming that the getup is murdering and ignoring that hilarious anecdote your girl is busy recounting. Lowkey, you're a worse human than Patrick Bateman, fam.
Incessantly 'Gramming everything you cop
Forget about trying the joints on—seconds after that new gear arrives you've already laid it out symmetrically on a flat surface to stunt on the 'Gram, complete with snarky comment about your influencer status and the brand names already hashed out. At this point your followers probably know your wardrobe better than people you interact with IRL.
Smoking
Look, no shots at the nicotine fiends. Do what you've gotta do, just don't let fashion editorials and historic Lucky Strike ads and like, James Dean fool you: puffing on that tar stick doesn't make you look any cooler. At least, not in these post Mad Men days, b. In fact, in these health forward times it may be a turn-off to all the potential baes walking by—actually they'll get over it, or else they're not worth your time anyway. Just know that it's not upgrading your look in any way though, and the smoke you blow in other people's faces and the butts you leave strewn on the ground is pretty dick behavior.
Avoiding creases at all costs
Shout out to all you goofballs tiptoeing down the street in your Jordans to avoid even the slightest crease, while actual sneakerheads embrace their signs of wear-and-tear with pride. Extra points awarded if you're the type to drive in slides or beaters then change into your main kicks upon arrival so as not to crease on the gas pedal. It ain't that serious, breh, and you're straight-up looking like an ass when you're evading creases by any means possible.
Trying to get a perfect #OOTD selfie while with a group of people
This one is two-pronged. You're already doing too much if your requisite 'Outfit Alphet of the Day' selfie shows clear signs of strain and effort to capture the entire look. No matter what filter you throw on it, you'll look less like you're posing and more like someone caught you mid-parkour move.
But the absolute worst type of offender in this category is the like-thirsty individual who's busy trying to get a perfect selfie even though they're the complete opposite of alone. Everybody else is laughing and interacting and enjoying themselves, and meanwhile you're holding up your phone at all types of angles like you're trying to get a good signal just so your followers can be aware that your murder game takes no days off. Way to be a horrible friend, douche.
Wearing sunglasses inside
Unless you're a celebrity. Which, are you? Do you even influence, bro?
Brand-name dropping on dates
Newsflash to all you proud swaglords out there: she probably doesn't care. Don't ever let the names on your tags stand in for personality, intellect, and kindness. By relying on name-drops of brands that she doesn't really give a shit about is a terrible move on your part that might impress some of your hypebeast friends, but isn't going to land you a smart, beautiful woman.
Saying, "Who are you wearing?"
Outside of live red carpets on E! , this is probably the douchiest phrase in the English language. In the midst of casual conversation that's not between two famous people as millions watch on, a simple "Ayyyy where'd you cop this tho?" will suffice if you really want to find out the origins of a garment. No one will doubt that you're about this life just because you're not talking like Joan Rivers.
Attending any and every event that you're invited to while forgoing friends and family
You're so thirsty to be on-site that you're a publicist's wet dream because that RSVP email always reads "Absolutely!" Meanwhile, you haven't called mom back in months, your friends figured you were probably dead weeks ago, and your girl is sliding elsewhere like Ricky Henderson. All this so you can stand around events with people that barely pass as acquaintances. But hey, that brand will probably start seeding you gear now, so it's justified, right? A few weeks later you get a package delivered, and you smugly see how right you were. Joke's on you when you open up the box and it's a pocket square.
Complaining about fashion week
A few weeks out, all of a sudden fashion week pops up in every other conversation you have—and it's faux-negative. You whining about seating arrangements and how many events you have to go to, stressing over what you'll wear and the week-long forced diet of Diet Coke, Kind bars, and vodka sponsors. But, bruh...we all know you live for this shit. You're more excited for this shit than a kid on December 23. Stop loudly complaining to anyone who will listen about how hard fashion week is and just keep it 100 while you gleefully count the days down in your head until you're trying to beg an unpaid intern to let you into a show.
