Image via Complex Original
This coming Monday will be a day of mourning all across America. Thousands of people will call out of work. A somber pall will be cast over our country’s schools. There will be a rending of garments and gnashing of teeth. The day we’ve all feared is finally upon us. The People's Champion, The Shelby Sensation, The Reverse Apache Master, The Man with the Golden Dick, Doctor Cock and Balls, La Flama Blanca himself Kenny Powers will be taking his snakeskin-booted walk into the sunset.
Kenny Powers has taught us so much over four seasons of Eastbound and Down. Science has proven that those who watch the show are better lovers, fighters, and users of recreational narcotics thanks to the teachings of America’s favorite reliever. But, alas, it's time we send him off with a long overdue tribute to the best dressed professional athlete since Dennis Rodman. Here are Kenny Powers' Best Outfits From Eastbound and Down.
If you don’t appreciate this curveballin’, jet-skiin' fashion killa, you’re fucking out!
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Gym teacher chic means cozy boys putting in work.
Chapter: 1
We all know who the best dressed teacher is in every middle school. This is the ultimate in that fine line where business meets casual.
Black on black on black always matches.
Chapter: 1
He may not have Johnny Cash's voice, but that doesn't mean he can't rock the country singer's style mantra. Every town needs a "Man in Black."
Kenny lays down the law with his tailor.
Chapter: 10
If you get measured for a suit, you do it on your own terms.
Winners always dress for competition.
Chapter: 26
Bandanas let the world know you mean business.
All these sartorial bangers means you must be at the gun show.
Chapter: 18
Sleeveless? Check. Dirty joke? Check. More strange than you can handle? That's going to be a check.
Kenny is man. Hear him roar.
Chapter: 26
Powers has the eye of the tiger, even when he's wearing shades.
Shades everywhere you need them.
Chapter: 14
Our hero never has to worry about whether his sunglasses will look cooler on his face or on his collar.
When in Rome, offend the Romans.
Chapter: 9
The best way to hide how little you know about a culture is to adapt their stereotypes in the biggest way possible.
A Biblical sexual innuendo covers all the bases.
Chapter: 14
Whether she's a lady in the streets or a freak in the sheets, this shirt sends all the right signals.
La Flama Blanca sets his hair free.
Chapter: 8
He lets the ladies know he also plays for Team Natural.
A fine linen shirt fit for a rooster's funeral.
Chapter: 7
You can be the cock of the walk at any pet's wake with a lightweight shirt and matching beaded braids.
Because every lady blinks on the reg.
Chapter: 19
And they all want a piece of Kenny Powers.
A real man sets ground rules with his wardrobe.
Chapter: 19
This is how KP informs those who are thinking about engaging in any acts of "bitchassness" that it won't be tolerated.
The couple that buys airbrushed T-shirts together stays together.
Chapter: 14
Just makes sure you wear the right airbrushed tee around the right lady or things could get awkward.
If your shirt's funny, you don't have to be.
Chapter: 18
If you can combine your sense of humor with your sense of style it's a double bonus.
Our man flips the script on traditional Holiday gear.
Chapter: 28
Kenny Powers finds a way to stand out, even in a sea of red suits.
Your boy wears his politics on his (lack of) sleeves.
Chapter: 19
That's right, it says "Legalize Me." Because petitions are for pussies.
Remember to think outside the box when you accessorize.
Chapter: 16
When thinking of a way to make your nautical themed shirt pop in the streets, go beyond a bucket hat and florals.
La Flama Blanca rides again.
Chapter: 13
Lightning on the shoulders lets her know you're packing thunder downstairs.
These colors don't run and neither does KP.
Chapter: 18
No matter how sexy she is, no lady is going to tread on you if you're this much of a patriot.
