A fun little thing about the Internet is that it is chock-full of helpful tidbits known as "life hacks." For those unaware of the existence of life hacks, life hacks are mostly just ways to save money and get the most out of things you have strewn about your house. It's fun! Here are a few of my favorites:
1. Use bread clips to save flip-flops with broken stems!
2. When you are done with a tube of ChapStick, wash it out and you can store cash inside!
3. Never again waste a jar of Nutella by finishing it off with some ice cream!
4. When robbing a bank, pick a getaway driver who is skilled at driving!
5. A good, cheap gun to rob a bank with is a pistol!
6. Try not to commit any crimes before robbing a bank. Not only will you be able to pass that gun background check, but no one will suspect you did it!
7. Don't wear flip-flops to a bank robbery. Okay great, there are bread clips on the bottom. I don't care. Wear shoes, you goddamn idiot!
8. Pick a bank that doesn't have too much security. How about going to a small town that probably thinks they are safe from rogue acts of crime?
9. Visit beforehand to scout out all potential roadblocks!
10. Building blueprints from City Hall are free and a great way to identify a quick, easy exit!
11. Instead of paying a bunch of money to buy a fancy, former President mask, why not just wearing a cheap ski mask over your face to hide your identity!
12. Don't spend thousands on voice modulation surgery, when robbing the bank, just yell, "GET ON THE FUCKING GROUND!" using a deeper voice!
13. Go over to the teller who looks the most afraid of guns. They'll give you the most money!
14. Be CONFIDENT. An easy way to do this is to take 3 big deep breaths beforehand to calm yourself down! Breath doesn't cost anything!
15. Tell him or her to put the money in the BAG! Jesus Christ, put away that fucking ChapStick, man. That cant only store, like, 20 bucks at most. Just throw it away.
16. Run!
17. Tell your getaway guy to step on it! Also, make sure he has gas beforehand. This will save an awkward gas station trip!
18. Use a website like KAYAK to get you a cheap deal on a one-way international flight to the country you've always wanted to visit!
19. Eat that Nutella ice cream on the plane!
Brendan O'Hare is attempting to be a writer and comedian while living in NYC. Follow his comedy jokes on Twitter here.
