The <i>Entourage</i> Fashion Recap Spectacular

A decade ago, television's broiest show debuted, coinciding with the broiest years of many of our young lives, altering them, very slightly, forever. I first watched 'Trouge while living in freshman dorms, chasing Monarch Vodka with Rockstar Juiced (purple flavor) and marveling in the glory of a local P2P network which enabled me to download entire seasons of television in mere minutes. Subsequently, the homies and I waded through many a hungover morning binging on 22-minute episodes of Entourage, perhaps America's most prescient time capsule of mid-2000s extravagance.

Watching Entourage again as an "adult," it would be easy to be critical. The blatant sexism and celebration of excess make it an easy target, but it's more fun to look back at mid-2000s hilarity and to ponder if Mandy Moore was actually underrated. Entourage wasn't telling us anything we didn’t already know. Yeah, yeah, Hollywood is a vapid wasteland. But, shit, compared to the celebreality culture of 2014, 'Trouge seems almost, dare I say, quaint. It's just a show about a shitty actor making terrible career choices, while his friends siphon money and babes at every opportunity. Basically, it's how we imagine Shia LaBeouf's life is going these days.

At it's core, Entourage is a show about #thriving. The Four Pins official dictionary defines "thriving" as acting with the same reckless, fevered interest and indifference toward consequences as your 13-year-old self. Jumping a Razor scooter over two flaming skateboards? That's thriving. Stealing seven Coors Light from your dad and making out with babes on a trampoline? Thriving. Anything involving jet skis? Thriving. What's a better example of thriving in modern America than living off a talented friend whilst doing very little, if anything at all, yourself?

But how does one let the world know they're thriving, besides jet skis? Yeah, that's right, one's alphet. Thriving requires giving zero fucks and your attire must communicate that sentiment. The many fits of Entourage illustrate varying levels of thrive as each character ebbs and flows from peak to weak. And, yo, it's really been ten years since this shit first dropped, so you're finna see some of these hot early-mid-2000s trends on the runway or on some asshole influencer's Instagram in, like, six months anyway, so we might as well get a jump on that next wave of the nostalgia fashion money grab. Let's review.

Angelo Spagnolo is a writer living in Portland, Oregon. You can follow him on Twitter here.

General Thriving, Example A

On set of a porn shoot with a table full of Arby's? Crushing copious folds of roast beef, while in the presence of copious folds of roast beef? Draw me a truer picture of thriving than that, bud.

Vince

'Trouge begins and ends with its protagonist, the flimsy, but charismatic Vincent Chase. We all have that friend who dresses terrible, but is so good looking he still pulls hella babes. It's frustrating as shit, man, I know. Is there any clearer illustration of this phenomenon than our bro Vince wearing a fucking full zip, ribbed sweater, while getting textual with your girl on that pre-Android device? Swagless and still smangin, an affront to nature.

E

Eric Murphy is so swagless and, full offense to Kevin Connolly, maybe the worst acted character in the history of television, he can't even get any fits into this slideshow. But dude is redeemed by his dope ass Honda Prelude. The shots of E driving the 'Lude, which he held onto for two seasons until he bitchily accepted a Maserati from Vince, look like stills from some obscure, late-80s Japanese movie I haven't seen, but will still reblog when some nerd posts them on Tumblr.

Drama

Drama is also inherently wack, but it's okay because he's the show's resident old and getting older is the low-key secret to giving fewer and fewer fucks. I really just wanted to talk about how the original iPod Mini was the greatest shape and construction of iPod in history, ever. Mine was still pumping Jimmy Eat World jams after getting run over by a Jeep and that click wheel was so damn satisfying. Modern day Drama would definitely be stoked on the Apple Watch, but I can't even muster a joke about that unfortunate device.

Turtle

Episode one shows Turtle at his frattiest, looking like our own EIC Lawrence in his Wake Forest days. If you were friends with him on Facebook, you would know what I'm talking about. After this episode aired, even the producers were like, "Nah, Turtle can't be full-on visor bro. Let's dial it back a bit." He still got laid that night though, so power on, brother.

Struggle Ari

Yo, if you were reading this piece on GQ.com, you'd probably be clicking through a slideshow of Ari in Tom Ford suits. They'd be real ass licensed images too. But on the real, Ari stays pretty tame throughout the shows run, which is fine because his character is boisterous enough. But many people might forget how in the first two seasons, Ari's wardrobe was firmly entrenched in strug mode. Seen here, trying to meet Vince and the crew at Starbucks for pleb coffees, Ari looks like he just got off his shift as night manager at the Des Moines Banana Republic.

Turtle's Jeter Swag

The end of Season 1sees Turtle flossing real hard on some LFO music video type shit. There were definitely some assholes in my sixth grade class rocking this exact look, mirrored sunnies and all. And even though I don’t fucks with baseball (at least until they institute a shot clock between pitches), I can't deny that Derek Jeter is top thrive dead or alive, so you gotta let this one slide.

The Boys At Sundance

In season two, the crew heads to Sundance, which is a town in a state called Utah. It's the first time we really see the cast outside of Los Angeles and boy do they stunt. Drama kits up like a San Francisco ranch hand, while Turtle goes full Birdman to keep the digits warm. E holds it down for the real peoples with the stock image North Face puffer. Even though Turtle and Drama end up in a threesome with Cassie the bomb blonde, the thrivingest moment comes at the end of the episode when Vince, with characteristically poor delivery, utters the phrase, "Fuck it, let's go boarding." LEGENDARY.

"Fuck it, let's go boarding."

SEE?

Harvey Weinstein

Crushing Utah in true oligarch swag, the fictionalized version of Oscar machine Harvey Weinstein gives E the same look I give dudes when they try to talk to me about my dope 'Gram game in the fucking bathroom. Let me piss in peace, bruh.

Mandy Moore Wifed Up

This is that face you make when old bae is back in town and you hit her up to get a drink and she's like "YA!" all excited and shit in the texts and you think you finna cop that nostalgia smash and then when you finally meet up she's all like, "I'm engaged." Real talk though, the Mandy storyline would have been stretched too thin if not for Moore's rock solid performance...as herself.

Vince, Sadboy On The Couch

In true "how you gone be mad on vacation?" form, Vince, my guy, how you gonna be pouting while relaxing in track pants on a couch in Jessica Alba's Malibu abode? Like Ricky Rubio once said, "Change this face. Be happy. Enjoy it."

Debi Mazar Appreciation

Debi Mazaar is criminally underrated and wildly unheralded as Shauna, Vince's no bullshit publicist. She goes obscenity for obscenity with Ari, flips shit to the whole crew, bosses around her hapless assistant Christie and sometimes comes with the space waitress cyber fashions and that's tight af. Plus, she reps Stephen Dorf and Gary Busey. Did you see Somewhere? It's actually pretty good, man.

Busey And The Great Lineage Of Washed-Up Celebrity Cameos

Usually, I'm not into the trotting out of Surreal Life cast members for cheap gags, but Entourage is unique in it's handling of the D-list. It works because Drama is somewhat in their league—a washed-up, aging actor who brings a sympathetic eye to the struggles of Pauly Shore, Gary Busey, Bob Saget and James Woods (who, like Mandy, kills it...as himself.)

Eric Roberts

ER is so fucking icy because he totally got to take baths with Julia Roberts as a kid, but more so because he has this random Jon Moy looking ass motherfucker breezing through his living room all casual like. Trying. To. Get. On. This. Level.

Turtle And The Greatest Jersey Of All Time

As you’ve figured out by now, this post is mostly about Turtle. The New Era-wearing Queensian has the least talent, swags the hardest and wrangles the most strug tail of the whole crew. But let's look a little more closely at this scene. The dudes are on a private jet with a bomb, caramel skinned flight attendant serving them tequila. BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, TURTLE IS WEARING A SEBASTIAN TELFAIR LINCOLN HIGH RAILSPLITTERS JERSEY. As the only other person in America to own this jersey, I applaud the stylists of the show immensely. For those unfamiliar, Bassy Telfair was New York City's all time highest scoring player, until "Born Read"y Lance Stephenson broke that record at the very same Brooklyn institution, Lincoln High School. Although Turtle pulls out a couple dope jerseys over the course of the show's history, all other bow down to the ST31kit. Welcome back to the league, Bassy. Good Luck in OKC, homie.

Turtle In Another Jersey

Speaking of dope jerseys and high school to NBA jumpers, here Turtle rocks the slightly less rare, but still fire Kevin Garnett McDonald's All American joint, reminding us of a simpler time when Garnett seemed up to the task of bringing swag to the chillingly white wasteland of Minnesota.

Kanye

The episode where Vince and co. catch a ride to Cannes with Kanye made me nostalgic for the days of Corny Kanye, when you could just throw on College Dropout and have a good time with your buds and not have to dissect Kanye's impact on the dominant cultural paradigms of our time. Miss that sweater vest (Pastelle?), 'Ye.

Nicky Rubinstein

Entourage employs a lot of hyperactive Jews, but none more emphatic and erratic and, maybe, actually stylish than Nicky Rubenstein, financier of the eternally doomed Escobar biopic Medellin. Played brilliantly by veteran neurotic actor Adam Goldberg, Rubenstein can be seen here reenacting looking like me vacationing in Cape Cod, preparing to crush several lines from the bosoms of two hired babes.

Turtle's "Bae Look"

That face you make when Bae says she can't hang tonight then 'grams drinks with "the girls," while you at home just smoking and playing Madden. SMFH.

Ari Thriving

Though Ari eventually runs a big agency and starts dressing like Duncan Quinn, mid-arc Ari, complete with a straight banged Caesar, is the more interesting iteration of Mr. Gold. Assistant holding a flip phone to one ear, while you check tha Berry and the world's blingingest hairdresser caresses the follicles? I defy you to find me a more accurate depiction of thrive.

Mrs. Ari Appreciation

Like, this is what I'm looking for when I let the Tinder discovery settings slide up to include 39-year-olds. Where you at, ma?

Saigon

Speaking of Turtle's many missteps, his failed representation of IRL failed rapper Saigon was the beginning of his desire to forge his own career aka his eventual downfall. But dude still made $30k off not signing a rapper LMAO. Real talk, I'm the only dude in the world who stans for Saiginny, but that's because I read about him before he was ever on Entourage and because I'm one of the few who seem to remember when rap was about cool shit like crime and poverty. But fact remains, dude had a tape full of Just Blaze tracks and couldn't get any traction anywhere. V sad, overall.

"Love To Hate Me, Hate To Love Me"

I'm 100% positive this is exactly how you guys feel about Four Pins.

LRG

It doesn't matter which season this skeet shooting scene is from. What matters is there was a sale at the LRG outlet and we fucking missed it, fam. What a fucking brick.

Billy Walsh In Mexico

Manic indie director Billy Walsh was always a favorite character of mine, given his penchant for strip clubs and general appreciation for #grimyliving. The Sundance wunderkind hits peak thrive while filming Medellin, and though the film eventually flops, I'd like to think Billy earned enough film nerd cred to land a deal modelling in the next Saint Laurent campaign.

Drama On Five Towns

Drama finally getting a hit network TV show warms everyone's heart, but in the second season of the fictional NBC primetime vehicle, it looks like they hooked Drama up with the stylist responsible for bringing the L.L. Bean Signature aesthetic to an affordable pricepoint at your local JCPenney.

Vince On Hiatus

The one time Vince looks even remotely chill is when he torpedoed his career so tough he had to hide out on an island banging randos, rationally opining, "I have everything I need for $60 a day, why would I leave?" But, OF COURSE, dude can't help bricking the shit with those Scott Storch shades.

The Fall Of Turtle

True 'Trouge scholars will notice this post stuck only to canon episodes, those from seasons 1-4. But just once we'll jump into the scary late-era seasons to witness what became of the once proud swaglord Turtle. Here he is in season 6 or 7 (it doesn’t matter which because neither are watchable), breaking the cardinal rule of #menswear: NEVER LET YOUR WOMAN DRESS YOU. The moment Turtle stopped wearing his fitteds, the show took a serious nosedive. Writers want you to believe static characters are boring—that characters must evolve. But Turtle's nonchalance was a pillar, steering the show back to its comedic roots if ever it veered. Like Turtle's continually failing business aspirations, Entourage should have stayed in its lane and focused on the silicon and silliness that made it great. R.I.P.