Remember all the way back to 2013 when the fart-disguising garments, Shreddies, debuted? The brand, hell bent on selling you underwear you could safely fart into without anyone being the wiser, is back and they want to fart-proof your entire fucking wardrobe. Shreddies isn't just offering undergarments anymore. Nope, they've added jeans and pajamas, with intentions of expanding even further into outerwear, trousers and chinos.
At this point, we're gotta be on the verge of building a completely fart-repellent wardrobe, right? All of Shreddies' garments have a panel of "Zortex," which sounds made up, but actually absorbs your butt smells and prevents them from leaking out to the noses of the unsuspecting public. The jeans are completely lined with the material, from the waistband down to the knee for extra coverage in case you eat Taco Bell for lunch. Imagine wearing the underwear and a pair of jeans for double the protection. Shit would be like wearing a bomb suit and a bulletproof vest underneath it at the same damn time. Listen, I just want to say that if you have a flatulence problem so goddamn crippling that this is the best news you've read in ages, I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry. I truly am.
