Listen up, gentlemen: Summer is here and unless you keep your chinos crisp and your beach sweaters fresh, your wife Cynthia of eight years will probably leave you for some French banker she met at SoulCycle. Whether you're kicking back at the beach or pacing around your lawyer's office while he goes over the latest draft of that cruel wench's FUCKING ABSURD alimony demands, you'll want to look your coolest when the weather gets hot. Luckily, I've got you covered!

No, no, not against litigation or the spasms of emotional agony seeping from the crater of your betrayal-ravaged soul. No one on this godforsaken rock can protect you there. Christ, did she ever even love you to begin with or was this all just a sham? Is love even real? If I had a dollar for every time she...

Sorry. What were we talking about again? Oh, right, summer clothes! These 10 simple warm-weather wardrobe upgrades will help you look impress the lady of your dreams this summer, all without breaking your heart, I mean, the bank. Remember, the keys to the perfect summer outfit are patterns, colors, and confidence (the latter of which you'll be robbed of years later when you discover that heartless succubus has been running around with another man).

Dave Infante is a writer and editor living in New York. Read his work for Thrillist here and follow him on Twitter here.