The 50 Funniest Celebrity Driving Fails

Pop quiz! In August 2011, The Biebs' expensive black Ferrari was hit by a Honda Civic, and the brushup was allegedly caused in part by (a) an unlicensed tween fangirl; (b) an aggressive pap trying to snap a pic, or (c) Former House of Pain rapper Everlast, whom Bieber was maybe street-racing immediately before the incident. If you guessed (c), you are correct and you have an awesomely active imagination.

When the Jersey Shore cast was filming season four in Florence, Italy, cameras were rolling as Snooki crashed into a police car, wedging her Meatball-mobile between it and a highway protection wall. The craziest part: It was the only high-drama incident in the show's history that didn't involve shots, a black eye, or an arrest. (Just a revoked driver's license for Snooks.)

One morning in June 2011, Tori Spelling was dropping her kids off at school and noticed that she was being followed by paparazzi. The actress, who was pregnant for the eighty-sixth time, tried to evade them but ended up banging her vehicle into a wall. Her immediate reaction: fumbling for her phone and tweeting "...Wht will it take? Someone dying for paparazzi to stop? Going to dr now to check on baby. I think its just shock." Send angry, dramatic tweet...then check on your fetus? Girl, you're on Tori and Dean, not 16 and Pregnant. (Luckily, everyone was fine.)

Think back a long, long time ago, to May 2007, a time when Lindsay Lohan was fresh-faced and DUI-free. Then she ran her convertible over a curb and cops subsequently found cocaine in her possession. Young starlet, big mistake-so she promptly entered rehab, emerging 45 days later sober, refreshed, SCRAM anklet in place, and ready to continue down the good-girl path that she'd veered off of in a moment of poor decision-making. Right? Right...?

...Oh, dear. In July 2007-a mere 10 days after leaving rehab-the then-21-year-old was arrested again for DUI; this time, she prefaced the incident by chasing down the mother of her former personal assistant in her SUV. 911 was called, more cocaine was found in the actress's pocket, and the infamous “Those coke pants aren't mine!” excuse was born.

In January 2010, a paparazzo claimed he was injured when the car Lohan was riding in hit him (outside a nightclub, natch). Lohan was not driving-her assistant was-but the pap sued her anyway, claiming she was directing said assistant where to drive, which led to his being bonked by her vehicle. The pap had reportedly-and unsuccessfully-tried to settle with Lohan's insurance company and decided to pursue legal action against her because, hey, everyone else is doing it.

Drunk driving was actually probably the least of Mel's worries when he was pulled over in 2006 and went on the anti-Semitic tirade heard 'round the world. That incident undoubtedly led to his wife of almost 30 years filing for divorce, which led to the outing of his brief dalliance with Oksana Gregorieva, which led to a messy split, which led to those publicized rage-filled voicemails he left Oksana and a restraining order against him. If only, that night he was arrested in Malibu, he'd stopped at yelling “What do you think you're looking at, sugar tits?” to a female police officer.

She may be a chic mommy-blogger-type as of late, but in 2006, Nicole was in her wild-child heyday. That culminated with her being busted for driving under the influence of pot and vicodin-a combo that would be awesome if you're chilling in your basement...not if you're driving down the freeway. In the wrong direction.

Years before she got knocked up by Benicio Del Toro, this socialite was knocked down by her own lead foot. If you haven't seen the video, Rod Stewart's daughter and her then-BFF Paris Hilton were mugging on matching motor bikes at an event when Kim's engine revved, sending her flying and, a few seconds later, tumbling onto the red carpet, legs and dress askew. Meanwhile, cameras filmed and-even worse-Paris looked on and laughed.

Then-seventeen-year-old Conrad-lil' bro of Paris and Nicky-crashed into a parked car after a night of (seriously, what else?) clubbing in Hollywood. According to TMZ, he was driving with wine bottles and medical marijuana in his vehicle. Hilton left the scene before cops arrived but stuck around long enough to dangle his wrist in front of a witness and say, "See this bracelet? It costs $11,000. I can pay for everything." But there was no need for him to attempt to pay off anybody-his dad, Rick, told TMZ that Conrad had crashed after trying to avoid hitting a dog in the road.

The heiress and her then-boyfriend Cy Waits were pulled over after Las Vegas cops smelled marijuana coming from their car. While at the jail, a gram of cocaine plopped out of her purse and onto the floor. As if her former bestie Lindsay Lohan was feeding lines into her ear, Paris blurted out that the purse was someone else's and also she thought the drugs were gum. What, your Dentyne doesn't come in a vial?

In September 2006, Paris was pulled over and arrested for DUI. “It's nothing. I just really wanted an In-N-Out burger,” she explained to Ryan Seacrest the next day on his radio show (this was in that regrettable era of U.S. history when she was relevant-ish and invited on popular programs). But we're calling her bluff: that weird Carl's Jr. commercial, in which she inhales a jumbo-size burger, must have fulfilled her lifetime quota of hamburger consumption (i.e., one).

Would you want a messed-up Mike Tyson jumping on the hood of your car? No, it's not a scene from the next Hangover installment-it's what happened to some poor guy in late 2004 outside a nightclub in Scottsdale, Arizona. For some reason (probably alcohol), the troubled ex-heavyweight champion hopped on the hood of a stranger's Toyota coupe, yelling and banging his fists against it-not surprisingly, causing about $1,500 in damage. A person of normal strength and stature probably would've only made a tiny dent, but Tyson was booked on a misdemeanor criminal damage count.

After falling asleep at the wheel and swerving across the Pacific Coast Highway in 2002, the actor was arrested on suspicion of driving under the influence. Turns out, he was on the club drug GHB-and, once you see his infamous mug shot, this comes as absolutely no surprise.

The repercussions of Khloe's 2007 DUI arrest just keep coming. The next year, she went to jail for violating her probation stemming from the incident. And the reality-show addict's legal record bit her in the ass once again in 2009, when Donald Trump fired her from The Celebrity Apprentice specifically because of the DUI. [Insert joke about The Donald not “keeping up with the Kardashians” here.]

Charles Barkley was arrested in December 2008 after he was pulled over for running a stop sign and had a blood alcohol level content of 0.149. Why the rush, Charles? Well, as he explained to the cop: "I was gonna drive around the corner and get a blow job." (The presumed lucky lady was in the passenger seat.) While we didn't really need that imagery floating around in our head, we guess it's better than a racist, sexist, career-demolishing rant?

In 2007, actress Mischa Barton-whose O.C. character had just died dramatically in a fiery car crash, over the strains of Imogen Heap's cover of “Hallelujah”-was nailed for DUI. Luckily, life didn't imitate network-TV art: She later told Nylon that the incident was her “low point.”

Just this month, Lindsay turned another run-of-the-mill car accident into a drawn-out, headline-grabbing spectacle (she even made it into the intro to this piece!). She reportedly told responding officers that she was in the passenger seat instead of behind the wheel. Then, the driver of the 18-wheeler she smashed into claimed she quickly filled and hustled a mysterious pink bag away from the scene. And the production company behind her current gig ultimately banned her from driving until filming wraps. Reminds us of the time she went jewelry shopping and ended up pleading no contest to theft.

A sprinkling of driving mishaps earlier this year (backing over a curb while texting, holding up traffic) is the most press she's gotten in years, and man, is she milking it. After her most recent, most serious incident-side-swiping a police car and being charged with DUI-she tweeted this to President Obama: “Hey...I don't drink. Please fire the cop who arrested me.” Amanda, we get those frighteningly friendly mass emails from the President too (subject line: “Meet me for dinner?”). They do not mean you're actually friends with him.

In February 2006, ol' Georgie Boy was arrested in London and charged with possession of Class C drugs (British for “pot”) after police found him slumped over in his car. That May, he was found passed out in a vehicle; he was awoken by a passerby, groggily drove off, and hit a traffic divider. In October, he was found slumped over-again-in a Mercedes and blocking traffic in central London. After that incident, he was detained on suspicion of possession of marijuana and released on bail. The aftermath of his shitty 2006 driving record: His license was revoked for two years.

Just two months after he got his license back in 2009, Michael managed to ram into the back of another car. Although he evaded charges, a witness at the scene reported that the star "seemed completely disorientated, like he had no idea what was going on. He looked totally dazed and even tried to climb into the cab of my lorry.”

Finally, in 2010, the singer plowed his Range Rover into the front of a London camera shop called Snappy Snaps. In sharp contrast to the store's chipper name (which could totally be the title of an unreleased Wham! song), his punishment included eight weeks in prison, a fine, and a five-year ban from driving. So, expect this list to be updated in 2015.

While being hounded by paps in West Hollywood, the Mad Men star lost control of her Range Rover and rammed into three parked cars. Then, in a move more perplexing than the father of the baby she had last year, she called TV chef Bobby Flay-whom she'd met only once before, at a Lakers game earlier that night. We're not saying January was having an affair with the burger-loving Flay...but it would explain why her character is now known simply as “Fat Betty.”

The then-Mrs. Federline executed crazy-bad judgment more than once in 2006, but the most dangerous incident (that was photographed, at least) was driving her SUV away from Starbucks with baby Sean Preston on her lap. She later explained that the paps in the parking lot had been getting physically aggressive. Unfortunately, Britney made sure that poor baby was at risk no matter what.

After Britney filed for divorce from Kevin Federline-and when she wasn't busy commuting to Starbucks-the young mother of two spent a lot of time being driven to and from nightclubs. And, as we learned with every car exit, she rarely wore panties. (You've either tried to block this from your memory or trolled the internet for photographic evidence.) Years later, while onstage at a concert, she blurted out a phrase mid-wardrobe-malfunction that summed up those limo exits perfectly: “My p*ssy's hangin' out.”

Brit-Brit zoomed over paparazzo's foot in October 2007 while exiting a Beverly Hills parking garage, leaving a tire stain on his otherwise pristine sock. The pap sued, claiming Britney did it intentionally. BUT-despite her rocky driving history (see items TK, TK, Tk, and TK), we think it was a setup. Why else would a man who's not a resident of a Midwestern state be wearing white tube socks with Velcro sandals?

It's the worst part of road trips: You're driving along and suddenly your bladder threatens to explode right there in the driver's seat. In such moments of weakness, we've all peed, or worse, somewhere sketchy-into a empty Mountain Dew bottle, on the side of the road with cars, er, whizzing by-but luckily, it remained a secret between you and your copilot. Unfortunately, photogs once again just couldn't leave Britney alone-they snapped her making a barefoot gas-station pit stop. TWICE.

OK, OK-Shia was injured his 2008 accident, but it was more hand-mangling than life-threatening, so let's take a look. The Transformers star's truck was hit-and flipped over-by a car that allegedly ran a red light, crushing his left hand in the process. Multiple months and surgeries later, he told EW, “My middle finger is still crooked as a f-ing noodle.” We'd sue that reckless driver for the emotional distress of never being able to properly flip someone off again.

When Tiger Woods was involved in a late-night, one-car crash outside his Florida home over Thanksgiving of 2009 and admitted to a nearby hospital with reported serious injuries, his fans feared for the worst. Then, when the truth behind the incident began to trickle it way into the media, it became clear that the most irreparable damage had been done to his reputation. Turns out, the squeaky-clean golfing megastar was leading a double life, with, well we don't want to say hoes in every zip code but...no, seriously, he pretty much had a ho in every zip code, in addition to a supermodel wife.

If you're not familiar with Brandon Davis, here's all you need to know: He's a rich brat, grandson of an oil tycoon, and ex-boyfriend of Mischa Barton. Basically, he's in the news solely because of the more accomplished people around him. Prime example: The time he made headlines for crashing into Pink's car in a liquor store parking lot.

After rolling down the window from inside Paris Hilton's paparazzi-swarmed car, oil heir Brandon Davis declared of his pal's nemesis, “Lindsay Lohan...is a firecrotch.” Let's just hope that his popular nickname-“Greasy Bear”-has nothing to do with his nether regions.

A biker smashed into the actor's parked Jaguar just as he was opening the door-but the luxury car suffered more damage than the dude on wheels, so we can LOL. Plus, if you're going to have a chance celebrity encounter, would you rather come out of it with a badass story (and maybe a bruise) or a lame autograph?

AnnaLynne McCord was involved in a minor accident while driving her sister's car in 2010. The actress put on her big-girl pants, exchanged info with other driver, and somehow, still pissed him off, because he decided to post her cell phone number on Facebook. Not quite sure who this chick is? Go ahead and Google “AnnaLynne McCord accidentally tweets” and tell us she didn't get any skeevy phone calls.

Matthew Fox was busted for DUI on a late-late-late-night fast-food run in 2012. Point: He was driving drunk. Counterpoint: BUT HE WAS ON HIS WAY TO GET SOME CARBY GOODNESS TO SOAK UP ALL THE ALCOHOL COURSING THROUGH HIS BODY!

A sloshed Matthew Fox punched the driver of a party bus in the boob and crotch after she refused to let him hop on-he must've really wanted to get on there, because he wasn't even a member of the party. But even if she'd been running the Charlie Sheen Bus Full of Blow and Hookers™, that's no excuse for boob-punching behavior. (Like Mom always said, never underestimate how far a simple “Please let me on this awesome bus full of blow and hookers” will get you.)

She has had at least three fender benders in 2010 (one for each High School Musical installment-cute). Because they didn't cause any injuries and she's seemingly been free of road troubles since then, we'll give her a pass and rank her low on this list. What we can't forgive her for? Ruining female fetish gear forever in Sucker Punch.

Stick figure LeAnn Rimes was involved in multiple fender benders in 2009 alone. Each time, she felt the need to issue a release release blaming the paparazzi. If that's how we're going to play, maybe the public should issue a statement every time LeAnn Rimes bother us.

The newly sober actor was involved in a head-on collision last spring and bravely refused pain medication at the hospital due to his history of drug abuse. So what's the “fail” in this incident? That would be TMZ filming, and then posting, footage of him bleeding, sprawled on the ground, and being loaded into an ambulance. Classy.

Crash #1: Billy smashed into a fire well in East Hampton, New York, in 2002 but escaped serious injury. He also escaped any formal charges, but notably checked into rehab a week later. “Glad he's getting help,” thought America. “Wouldn't want this to happen again.” Gosh, we're naive.

Crash #2: The next year, Billy drove his Mercedes into a tree in Long Island. He was hospitalized but not injured too seriously. This was a good thing for many reasons, especially because he was determined to get back on the road and prove that he was the worst celebrity driver ever in the shortest span of time.

Crash #3: After driving into a freaking house in 2004 (and escaping with a simple cut on his ring finger), The Pian-ow Man summed it up best himself: He sheepishly told a witness at the scene, ''I can't believe I got in another accident.”

OK, OK, Chuckles wasn't behind the wheel when his 'spensive car was driven off a ravine near his home in Santa Monica-it was allegedly stolen from his garage. But isn't it fun to picture a Wily E. Coyote scenario in which Charlie, tiger blood coursing through his veins, flies his Mercedes off a cliff, pauses in midair, and then plummets into a gorge filled with hookers?

Keep that visual handy, because four months later, in June 2010, the same damn thing happened: A Mercedes owned by Charlie Sheen went off a cliff near his home; he wasn't inside. So...anyone know where Denise Richards was at the time?

Bieber has run into car troubles at high speeds, and now, at a standstill as well. He and girlfriend Selena Gomez were recently trying to exit a shopping center parking lot but couldn't maneuver through the throng of photographers surrounding his car. So he reportedly hopped out, brawled with one of the paps, hopped back in, and went on his merry way. Kids these days keep saying the Biebs is multitalented...and we're finally beginning to believe them.

Permanent blonde hottie Heather Locklear was arrested on suspicion of DUI in 2008 after someone witnessed her driving erratically and called 911. But-cue dramatic prime-time soap music-the caller was a celebrity reporter who took pictures of Locklear being arrested and sold them to TMZ for almost 30 grand. Sounds like a scandalous subplot on a current-day version of Melrose Place, no? (She pleaded no contest to reckless driving in exchange for the DUI charge being dismissed-not a bad deal.)

Just days after she separated from her husband in early 2011, petite actress Jaime Pressly was busted for DUI, complete with a BAC of more than three times the legal limit. She also needs to separate from the people she was out with that night-everybody knows that friends don't let about-to-be-divorced friends drive drunk. (They get them really, really effed up and then call them a cab.)

In 2007, fresh off a Best Actor Emmy win for 24 and at the height of the show's popularity, Kiefer Sutherland was charged with his second DUI in three years. But if he's such a talented actor, we say, couldn't he have faked composure for those field sobriety tests? Or, at the very least, convinced the arresting officers that he was simply getting into character for an upcoming role as a self-destructive alcoholic? Opportunity blown, Jack Bauer.

While on tour with Lil' Wayne in 2009, T-Pain was involved in a luxury motor-vehicle accident-but it didn't involve his Escalade or some ridiculously expensive car service. The rapper actually flipped his tricked-out golf cart backstage, in a mishap that cost him four teeth. After some quick emergency dental surgery, the rapper was good as new-especially his grill: He bragged that he was now the proud owner of “an Akon smile.”

The creepily precocious little boy from The Sixth Sense grew up and blossomed into...yikes-a young man who was charged with DUI and marijuana possession in 2006. Luckily, in that incident, he didn't see any dead people.

In 2007, Enrique was in such a rush to flee from fans outside a California radio station that he ordered his manager, who was driving the vehicle, to step on it. Unfortunately, “it” ended up being an 11-year-old girl's foot. The girl's mother sued for $25,000 in damages, but Enrique made an outstanding point in his own lawsuit against her: What kind of mom teaches her young daughter it's OK to get that close to a moving SUV?