Image via Complex Original
One of the best parts of the internet is being able to anonymously type in whatever question pops into your head and actually get an answer. Thanks to popular sites such as Yahoo! Answers, people daringly ask virtually anything they want, no shame attached. Communities with specific knowledge or experience then (hopefully) can shed some light on the unknown.
Face it, we all turn to the internet for answers. Between Wikipedia, WebMD, and an endless number of blogs, the resources are there, and all of us rely on this seemingly magic genie of knowledge that is Yahoo Answers. The web has seemed to educate us all, but for others, they are all still all but educated. Because of those who are lacking in brain-al region, we have been able to compile a lot of hilarious material. (Now if only these folks thought twice before included their headshot on their icon or filling out their profile information). We really don't need to trace these bizarre statements back to real humans. And hey, it could save them some embarrassment too.
These funny Yahoo! Answersposts include questions ranging from relationship advice, to weight loss, to sex education, to…how to become a mermaid?
Perhaps you’re trolling the internet during your morning coffee break or maybe just slacking off at work. Either way we hope you enjoy these bizarre questions and counter-answers, which just have to be read for yourself. You’re welcome— these are some of the most funny Yahoo Answers out there.
"Can you lose your virginity if you fall?"
Unless you're falling into a vagina or onto a penis, no.
"Does looking at a picture of the sun hurt your eyes?"
The U.S. school system has failed us.
"My girl swallowed after oral now I'm worried she get prenant. i bought her laxtives but don't know how to ask."
This guy thinks the Plan B pill is a laxative. We're being punked, right?
"8=====D is this a shovel or crying smiley face? So confused?"
It's whatever you want it to be.
"Can you actually lose weight by rubbing your stomach?"
So, this is who the Shake Weight was made for.
"What does fall 2010 mean ?"
It means buy a calendar.
"Help! I cannot take off my mother's bra and she's gonna be home in 5 minutes!!! The mirror doesn't help much!?"
Leave it on. It's about time for her discover what you've been up to afterschool.
"Can I tell by the smell of my husband's gas if he has been cheating?"
If you really want to know if your husband's cheating, it's not his farts you should be smelling.
"Do midgets have night vision?"
If we could hang up on you, too, we would.
"What if the girl that thinks I'm the dad isn't the mom?"
This is why the sexual education budget should not get cut.
"How many calories are in a booger?"
If we told you "a lot" would you stop?
"How can I convince my wife to let our hot maid sleep in between us at night? Please HELP!?"
Dude, when you find out, let us know.
"Can you use plastic food wrap instead of a condom for cucumber masterbation?"
We don't see why not. Though, you should still go and get that cucumber tested.
"Is throwing your hair in the garbage safe?"
If you're worried about someone stealing your DNA, you could collect your hair and create a hair sculpture.
"What is the right age to start teaching my dog about sex?"
Right around the time it begins humping your friend's legs.
"My wife wants to eat her placenta. Is it OK if she is vegan?"
Holler when she decides she wants to eat her actual baby.
"How do you tell which side of the potato chip is saltier?"
If you're concerned about your salt intake, try eating rice cakes.
"How do I take care of my pet potato?"
Chop it up and place it in a deep fryer.
"How can I lose weight without moving?"
Easy: Starve yourself.
"How do I get accepted into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry?"
"Is it okay to boil headphones?"
You sure can. Go ahead and let us know how that goes.
"Why is my sperm so powerful?"
Hate to break this to you, but your girl's not your girl.
"Is it weird that my dog likes to watch me pee?"
Your dog's a pervert.
"I was bitten by a turtle when I was a young lad, should I still drink orange juice?"
...We got nothing.
"What incantations work best for summoning Jesus?"
Have you tried looking in the Bible or "The Da Vinci Code"?
"Why do my balls smell like ham?"
Try a shower.
"How do you get spaghetti stains out of underwear?"
Right...
"Is there any possible way of making 2+2=5?"
No. Just no.
"My bro has not had his first period yet?"
Good for him.
"How do I ask a question on Yahoo Answers? pleaase help, i need to ask an URGENT question!!!?"
Trolling 101
"HOW DO I TURN OFF CAPSLOCK?"
Who knew writing in caps could cause so much trouble?
"Girlfriend ain't had period since getting pregnant?"
Another reason why sex education should not be removed from schools.
"How turn computer monitor into mirror?"
SMH.
"How much listerine does it take to get drunk?"
What happened to the days when kids paid adults to buy them liquor?
"Is there anyway I can get this popular guy at school to get me pregnant?"
Teenage girl lost.
"STD from Dog is it possible? help...?"
No, your son did not get the clap from your dog. He got it from a girl at his school. Next Christmas, but him a box of condoms.
"What my wife is going to think about my black crotch on my white body?"
We're going to go out on a limb here and say no woman has ever seen your crotch.
"How long can a little girl hold her breath?"
We're calling the authorities.
"I made Jesus shaped pancakes but I burnt them. Am I going to hell?"
Perhaps you should master making regular pancakes before venturing into different shapes.
"Why does my screen say "www.bangbros.com" after my son leaves even though he tells me he's doing homework?"
Your son is discovering himself.
"Why should anyone judge me because I'm missing 1 tooth, I still have a great smile and a good personality?"
That's the right attitude.
"Are my masturbation habits bad?"
If you're masturbating more times than you eat, you have a problem. And probably don't have a job.
"How can I test if my son is gay?"
We don't know if your son's gay, but it sounds like he would kill it in theater.
"My girlfriend has a lazy eye & she's constantly looking at other women, should we break up?"
Or, you could join your girl for some good old-fashioned people watching. The couple that pervs together, stays together
"Why does steam come out of my vagina?"
We couldn't find anything about this on WebMD. Sorry.
"How does sex start from start to finish?"
If you have to ask, buddy, you shouldn't be having sex. But if you're really curious, head into your father's closet and check behind the shoeboxes for his old VHS tapes.
"I caught my son having sex with a guy and I think he might be gay. Is there a definitive way I can tell?"
What more proof do you need? Does he need to have sex while listening to Adam Lambert albums for you to believe he's gay?
"Is it ok to touch yourself when you hear your parents having sex?"
Pretty sure this counts as child abuse.
"My girlfriend farted while we were kissing should I break up with her?"
Better in than out, we say. But if you have to ask, then, yes.
