Fearing That It Might Possibly Be Too Lit, Thousands Demand Paris Hilton Be Removed From Summerfest Lineup

Thousands of people spend actual time signing petitions about Paris Hilton.

Image via Kevin Dougans

One could very easily make the argument that we now live in the era of petition ubiquity. Annoyed that your neighbors still regularly blast "Uptown Funk" like they just discovered it? There's probably a petition for that. Do you wish they could somehow make a sequel to The English Patient? I'm sure there's a petition for that. Do you feel in your heart of hearts that R. Kelly's soulfully patriotic romp "Ignition (Remix)" should be the U.S. national anthem? There actually was a petition for that. Sadly, this ubiquity can often water down the results of nobler attempts at upstart democracy. Sadder still, many people use them as thinly veiled acts of not-so-subtle racism - i.e. the culturally deaf attempt by some imbecile to get Kanye West removed from Glastonbury in favor of a "real rock band," whatever the hell that is.

Paris Hilton is the latest victim of fervent petitioners, being asked rather bluntly by thousands of people to simply not perform at this year's Summerfest. Of course, Hilton's DJ career has admittedly been met with tidal waves of disapproval since its inception. As you might recall, we dubbed the whole thing a trainwreck surrounding Hilton's DJ debut. Similarly, though her Lil Wayne-featuring 2013 single "Good Time" garnered a fair amount of press, the voice of the people sang a much different tune.

Though the petition will likely have absolutely no effect on Summerfest's lineup whatsoever, perhaps these petition shenanigans can at least remind everyone that Hilton usually makes around $347,000 to do something that apparently no one enjoys.


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