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A Victorian film about the invention of vibrators sounds a bit odd, doesn't it? Well, that's exactly what director Tanya Wexler's unlikely rom-com Hysteriais all about. The movie, in theaters this Friday, follows two determined doctors (Hugh Dancy and Rupert Everett) on a mission to find the cure for "hysterical" females with a device that can relieve the source of their deepest tensions. "Hysteria," though? Is that what they were called it back in the day? Nowadays we just call it good old fashioned "sexual frustration."
Before you get too excited, let us be the first to warn you: You are not going to see co-star Maggie Gyllenhaal's O-face. But you will be seeing tightly-wound old women in stirrups, who (in case you were wondering) apparently have orgasms in a glass-shattering falsetto. And that's just in the trailer.
Something tells us Hysteria will be anti-climactic due to those old lady eruptions, but the film did inspire us to seek out more awkward, over-the-top displays of pleasure. Come along with us as we build up to, not count down, The 10 Most Ridiculous Orgasms In Movies. Get your post-climax cigarettes ready!
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10. Meg Ryan as Sally in When Harry Met Sally (1989)
We've had the coleslaw at Katz's Delicatessen, and not once have we spotaneously burst into an orgasm, so we'd definitely call "bluff" on Sally's (Meg Ryan) over-the-top faux-gasm from a table or two away.
Still, it's undeniably enjoyable to watch Ryan put her pipes to work to convince Harry of what we hope men already know: Women fake it, mostly because they'd hate to insult you by dozing off when you think you're putting it down like Jodeci. You never are.
9. Jason Biggs as Jim in American Pie (1999)
When foreign exchange sexpot Nadia (Shannon Elizabeth) gives Jim (Jason Biggs) his shot at turning in his V-card, dude is so seriously excited he literally orgasms at her touch. Not one to pass up such a once-in-a-lifetime orgasm opportunity, Jim gives it another go, but lasts only few seconds before he skeets off again.
Preemie-peaker (yes, we just made a cute nickname for premature ejaculation) Jim's embarrassment, much like the mess he made, can't be easily cleaned up; the whole school experiences envy-turned-disgust after watching his painful performance on a live web-cam.
8. Ben Stiller as Reuben in Along Came Polly (2004)
Tightly wound Reuben (Ben Stiller) manages to get over his throw pillow hang-up, but his control issues take a different form with Jennifer Aniston's booty-short-clad ass comes into the picture.
Despite a seriously un-sexy Shaggy song (which should have bought him at least another minute, in our minds), Reuben counts down the remaining seconds of the five minutes he hopes to last in his head, barely reaching 50 before he makes like NASA and lets his rocket blast off. For those of you counting, that means he lasted a very sad four-minutes-and-10-seconds in the sack—never a good look.
7. Seann William Scott as E.L. in Road Trip (2000)
Stiffler Seann WIlliam Scott provides the best supporting evidence that the male G-spot exists since Dr. Ruth in this scene, which will make you look at your yearly doctor's visits in a whole new light. Of course, your doc will never be as sexy as this ambitious nurse, who goes to kinky ends (err, literally) to make sure her patient provides the material she needs. As expected, Scott's ejaculation expression is appropriately douchey.
6. Kristin Bell as Sarah in Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008)
Kristin Bell does her best Katy Perry impression when she fakes sexual interest in Russell Brand in this unlikely, sorta-kinda foursome moment. When Sarah (Bell) realizes her ex (Jason Segel) and his new girl (Mila Kunis) are only a thin wall away, she puts on an enthusiastic rendition of the point-of-no-return (despite what appears to be very blasé boning).
Aldous (Russell Brand), not impressed with her performance, says, "I've heard that women do fake orgasms, but I've never seen it... It really, deeply upset me." Well, that makes one of us.
5. Jennifer Aniston as Grace in Bruce Almighty (2003)
If you were given God's omnipotent power for a day, what would you use it for? Besides procuring a lifetime supply of Funions, of course.
When Bruce (Jim Carrey) is gifted with the Almighty One's touch, he does exactly what any lazy-ass lover would do: He uses his ability to pleasure Jennifer Aniston into a frenzy from the comfort of his bed. Unaware of what's driving her sudden rush of excitement, Grace writhes in mysterious pleasure while sitting on top of a (closed) toliet, which, we promise, is actually much hotter than it sounds.
4. Chyler Leigh as Janey Briggs in Not Another Teen Movie (2001)
Voyeurism is one thing, but accidental exposure is clearly another. In the outrageous opening scene of Not Another Teen Movie, Janey (Chyler Leigh) decides to make her birthday wishes come true with a forearm-length vibrator (ironically labeled "my little vibrator"). When dad and little bro come in to wish her a "Happy Birthday," it makes for an awkward situation, especially when Grandma, Grandpa, and Father O'Flanagan also hit the scene.
And when the dog blows her cover, pulling back the sheets, she has an explosion that launches her slippery "little" vibrator smack into the middle of her birthday cake, covering everyone in the room with whip cream. That has to promise good luck for the rest of the year, right?
3. Marlon Wayans as Loc Dog in Don't Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood (1996)
Ever since The Lost Boyz hit "Renee," we thought ghetto love meant a candlelight dinner with your shorty, but the Wayans brothers' Don't Be a Menace... made one thing clear: That's not where it's at. Ghetto love is actually acrobatic tuck-and-rolling and paranoid pumping while holding a Desert Eagle in one hand and a revolver in the other and haphazardly firing both as you explode over the edge. Emulating Wayans' bizzare facial expressions is optional.
2. Jon Abrahams as Bobby in Scary Movie (2000)
In what may be the finest argument against self-abstinence, Bobby's (Abrahams) plan to gently deflower his innocent virgin Cindy (Anna Faris) is foiled when his backed-up pipes propel her to the ceiling with the force of an erupting geyser. Although, from the looks of the white-washed ceiling, a highly-pressurized can of Reddi-wip might have been a better analogy.
1. Elizabeth Berkeley as Nomi in Showgirls (1995)
If Showgirls is a train wreck, Elizabeth's Berkley's outrageous, horizontal orgasm in the pool is the point of impact. Unlike most of the scenes on this list, Berkley's break-off moment in Showgirls was unintentionally side-splitting, which explains why Berkley approaches the sequence with the the eagerness of underemployed porn star and the spastic moves of epileptic, resulting in an O-face that can only be rivaled by a couple of truly talented seals at Sea World.
