Battle of the Platforms: Netflix vs. Amazon vs. BBC

We asked, if the BBC was a streaming service, would it be good value for money?

Everyone loves a good bit of BBC bashing. Well, I say everyone. I mean ‘people with media empires’. But they’re by far the most important people. That’s what my newspaper says anyway.

Anti-BBC feeling is stronger than ever these days, not least because John Whittingdale, Secretary of State for culture, media, sport, leisure, board games and whatever else has been swept up into that department, has said the license fee is “worse than a poll tax”, and unsustainable in its current form. And sure, paying £145.50 a year for the privilege of owning a television, whether you watch Strictly Come Dancing or not, does seem pretty steep to a lot of people.

Now, there are plenty of reasons to hate the license fee. Comically aggressive letters threatening to steal your TV is one. The Voice is another. But is value for money really one of them?

To find out, we’re going to drag the BBC into the modern world, by holding up the old-fashioned premise of the license fee (pay annual subscription, get ad-free TV content) to the dangerous, sexy, game-changing models of Netflix and its ilk. (Pay monthly subscription. Get ad-free TV content).

In the world of paid-for content, is the BBC overpriced?

A list of important films you’ll never watch because you’re ploughing through all 5 seasons of Breaking Bad.

Cost: £7.49 a month / £89.88 a year.

Most Popular For: Orange is the New Black, House of Cards, Breaking Bad, Daredevil, Better Call Saul.

You’ll also get: Sharknado 2, Spy Kids 3, and Adam Sandler’s Jack & Jill.

Verdict: Everybody loves Netflix. Which is weird, given the fraction of content it has compared to its American counterpart. But for seamless streaming of movies and TV across all your devices, it’s hard to beat. And it still has a lot of great stuff. From RuPaul to Reservoir Dogs, it has something to please everyone. I genuinely don’t know what I’d do without Netflix. Read books, maybe. Remind me what the monthly subscription to books is?

Amazon - Condition: Used, Acceptable.

Cost: £5.99 a month / £74 a year for Prime.

Most Popular For: Outlander, Transparent, The Walking Dead, that thing with Halle Berry where she’s in space, the first 3 seasons of 30 Rock but not the last 4, and all 74 seasons of Grey’s Anatomy.

You’ll also get: Free parcel delivery. Win.

Verdict: Wow, there’s so much stuff on here. So much stuff and almost none of it is included in the cost of my membership. Once I get over that, and an interface way less sexy than Netflix, there are actually many good things to watch. There’s something called Vikings. It’s fine. It’s like the B-movie version of Game of Thrones. Actually, Amazon feels like the B-movie version of Netflix. But it is cheaper, by a whole £1.50 a month.

Now TV, or rather, Sorry, Who Now TV?

Cost: £6.99 a month / £83.88 a year

Most Popular For: Is this popular?

You’ll also get: To fund Rupert Murdoch’s yacht habit.

Verdict: You want Sky, but you resent paying £20 a month to have your shows be interrupted by adverts? Here’s your solution! A limited streaming service made up of all the stuff Sky buy from HBO. What it lacks in content, it makes up for in exclusivity, and ads telling you to get Sky. Who doesn’t respect a monopoly, amirite? Speaking of which…

Because you hate yourself.

Cost: £20 a month / £240 a year (based on their ‘original bundle’ – you can spend much more)

Most Popular For: Game of Thrones with adverts in. Girls with adverts in. True Detective with you get the idea.

You’ll also get: Sky Poker. Kay Burley. A satellite dish bolted to the side of your house.

Verdict: Perhaps you just need to sit back and watch twenty episodes of The Simpsons in one go. Or maybe you’d like take a show created by premium cable service HBO, designed to be watch in one smooth sitting, and stab five commercial breaks into it while paying for the privilege. Or maybe you wish that TV news was more confrontational and one-sided.

For you, my friend, there is Sky.

A baking contest between Graham Norton and Claudia Winkleman written by Steven Moffat.

Cost: £12.12 a month / £145.50 a year whether you like it or not, unless you only use iPlayer.

Most Popular For: Doctor Who, Eastenders, Strictly Come Dancing, The Great British Bake Off, Top Gear, The Voice (why?), The Fall, Call the Midwife, Luther, internationally renowned news reporting, 40% of the UK’s radio stations, and having no adverts, even in the middle of films when you’d quite like them.

You’ll also get: Mrs Brown’s Boys, and University Challenge. Figure that one out.

Verdict: For the amount of clamouring amazement that happens when a new season of OITNB drops online, you’d expect people to drop dead every time they so much as look at iPlayer, where you can find hundreds and hundreds of hours of new content every single day. Sure, it’s pricier than a streaming service, but you really can’t beat the BBC for quantity or variety. The best might not be quite as dazzling as the gems of prestige cable, (though it has its Sherlock moments), but the Beeb is most successful at pleasing a crowd: at always being there with something to eat your dinner in front of.

Yes, for every show I love, there’s a show I despise. But that’s surely a sign of success for a company tasked with literally making everyone happy. I don’t resent my license fee going towards making Miranda any more than I resent Netflix making Hemlock Grove. But I’m sure some people do. You can’t please everyone, after all. Though the BBC does a pretty damn good job.