Image via Complex Original
In this week's roundup of Internet craziness, Michelle Williams puts her Bible down long enough to smite the po' folks making fun of her online, NPR pulls a prank on your non-direction following friends, plus Trick Daddy's mug shot, your racist uncle in drag, and Marie Claire thinking a Jenner created a "bold" new hairstyle. Oh, and James Franco because he really left me no choice. The jackass.
Michael Arceneaux (@youngsinick) is a writer, but some days when he looks at his student loan debt, wishes he worked at The Players Club. For more of his work, check out The Cynical Ones.
#PoorMichelle
Ever since Michelle Williams busted her ass on 106 & Park while performing "Soldier" alongside her Destiny's Child band mates Beyoncé and Kelly, their has been a target on her ass. Some folks are meaner with their insults than others, but even the biggest Michelle fan might chuckle at the site poormichelle.com, which is an everlasting pity party for the other key piece of DC3. However, after #poormichelle started trending on Twitter, the VERY RICH Williams reminded you sum'bitches that while y'all are clowning, she's looking at her checking account and chuckling at those who think their pity matters to her. Yes, folks, Michelle gave y'all that good Christian read. She's cursing you out, only in a really classy way.
James Franco Used "Bad Judgment"
Of the stories about his 35-year-old self trying to get with a 17-year-old via Instagram DM, James Franco said on Live with Kelly & Michael: "I'm just a model on how social media is tricky...I used bad judgement and made a poor decision." Some suspect Franco of pulling an elaborate hoax in order to promote his next movie. Possibly, but what kind of prick do you have to be to sully your reputation with an SVU plot line just for cheap press? James Franco.
Cuban Twitter
According to a recent Associated Press report, the USAID, best known for overseeing billions of dollars in U.S. humanitarian aid, funded a project known as "Cuban Twitter" or ZunZuneo, a social-media website it hoped would facilitate protests against the Castro regime in Cuba. There are questions over its legality, depending on whether or not it was classified as a covert operation. Yeah, I don't care. What I do know is if that if you really want to boost U.S. interest in Cuba, you'd lift the embargo and also allow me and mine to go down there and twerk something (with a direct flight). There, I just solved one matter of U.S. foreign policy. Hit my email for my thoughts on Crimea.
NPR Got Jokes
As a working writer, I can attest that of all the critiques about one's work that you can read, the most annoying come from commenters who you know didn't read a damn thing in the article. Instead, they saw the headline—usually the brainchild of the editor and not the writer—and decided to react to that and that alone So, NPR decided to pull a prank by asking folks, "Why Doesn't America Read Anymore?" The copy specifically says do not respond and guess what happened? Bless people's reactionary hearts. Bless them.
White House vs. Samsung
Boston Red Sox star David Ortiz visited the White House as a part of the team's tour for winning the World Series. Ortiz, who has an endorsement deal with Samsung, took a selfie with POTUS, which Samsung retweeted. In response, White House press secretary Jay Carney said, "I can say that as a rule, the White House objects to attempts to use the president's likeness for commercial purposes. And we certainly object in this case." Yeah, because anyone elected president certainly doesn't have orgies with various fat cats and corporate interests. No, no. Not ever.
April Fools, Fantasia
There were plenty of memes going around the Internet on April 1, but there were two that stuck out to me: One was a picture of Keyshia Cole holding Grammys; the other, one of Fantasia holding a diploma. Did I laugh? A little bit. Still, y'all ain't shit for that.
"Only In Cleveland"
Just when you think to give up on humanity, you log onto Twitter and see a widely retweeted picture that confirms you really ought to stop giving so many people the benefit of the doubt. Thank you, racists.
Trick Daddy's Mugshot Hit The Web
Trick Daddy was arrested and charged with multiple felonies including cocaine possession and possession of a loaded firearm. Given he's a felon, and thus not allowed to carry a gun, things ain't looking too good for him. Actually, just look at his mug shot. Trick Daddy looks like life defecated on his face and stole his piggy bank. God bless.
Marie Claire vs. Black Twitter
Marie Claire got the online clapback after it tweeted a picture of Kendell Jenner with partial cornrows: "Kendall Jenner takes bold braids to a new epic level." What exactly was the "new epic level?" The hell if I know. I'm black so Kendell's hair wasn't anything that I haven't seen before. After Black Twitter did what Black Twitter does (roast and ridicule), the Marie Claire account tweeted: "We didn't mean to offend or imply that cornrows were new. Our tweet was poorly worded. We thought her hair looked great and recognize women have been styling their hair like this for ages." Uh-huh.
Cut That Bitch Off Bash
The event is called "The Cut That Bitch Off Bash" and it is hosted by "The Messy Crew featuring Da Crew." Oh, Facebook. You never, ever let me down. Ever.
P.S. If you are in attendance, please tell me all about it.
