Image via Complex Original
In this week's installment of our Black Twitter roundup: thoughts, musings, cracks on Nicki Minaj's ass, Iyanla's desperation, Mannie Fresh, and ya mama.
Michael Arceneaux is from the land of Beyoncé, but now lives in the city of Master Splinters. Follow him at @youngsinick.
Eye See You
Why does she have an eye on her ass cheek? Why is the eyeball blue? Is the blue-eyed eye on her ass cheek wearing contacts? Oh, wait. It's because she's wearing blue eyeshadow. I thought Black girls don't do that? Help me understand this.
Bae Gotta Go?
I love Mannie Fresh like Beyoncé loves breaking you bitches off on stage. However, I'm not comfortable with anyone saying my old lady resembles someone from Ca$h Money — old or new. This is not shade to their looks 'cause I ain't trying to rumble with people that might shoot me, or worse, stiff me on pay. I'm just saying that if my mama's face makes you say "GO DJ! THAT'S MY DJ!" don't tell me that shit. Even as a compliment. It just feels wrong.
My Anaconda Usually Don't...
Best review ever.
While We're Talking, Tip...
I hate when people try to deflect conversations about institutional racism and some of its consequences — i.e. racial profiling and police brutality — by saying, "What about Black on Black crime?" They're all connected, dummies, and in T.I.'s case, him trying to admonish Negroes over Black on Black crime, when he's made millions off of songs about shooting someone's Black ass, is like Ruben Studdard trying to shame me for wanting to eat the Luther Burger. Gon' somewhere.
Why Ask Why, Troll?
GOPBlackChick is a troll who says dumb shit on the Internet with the hopes that one day she'll collect a check for saying equally dumb shit on TV. To that end, trolls will troll, but there are times when it's okay to shut the fuck up and find some other issue to exploit in some pathetic, self-serving way. Thankfully, Black Twitter roasted her ass. Unfortunately, she's probably already annoying the masses about something else at this very second.
Just Like (Some) Black Folks
This goes out to all the contrarian, faux deep, think you caught somebody slipping but that's actually your brain cells leaking sect of Black Twitter. Hate you always.
Trick and Trina Be Like...
I've always looked at Trina and Trick Daddy as the Dimebag and Cigarillo of southern rap, but I like these choices much better.
Iyanla, Fix This Instead...
I know Oprah has to get ratings for her network, hence why Iyanla, aka Mama Odie, has a show. Even so, flipping the the death of Michael Brown and the crisis it has created in Ferguson, Missouri, to promote her show is lower than the self esteem of the cast of "Love & Hip Hop: Anywhere." I wouldn't trust her to fix me anything but a fish plate, but y'all can have it.
Just Do It For the Gram, Girl
If you haven't read about race theory, or, hell, even finished the Malcolm X movie, no one wants to hear your simple ass try and dissect racism and civil rights. Just be stupid and shut the hell up. God bless.
When Obama Goes Back to Black
... and when this book is written, may it have a forward penned by Eric Holder titled "Let Me Tell You About This Bullshit, B..."