While everyone was out celebrating Memorial Day with BBQs and get-togethers, remembering the brave men and women of the military, last night was also the season finale of What Would Ryan Lochte Do?, the Olympic swimmer’s courageous venture into reality television. During the first half, Lochte contemplated moving from Gainesville to L.A., and then went to Miami for spring break with the Lochterage.
But as any fan part of #Lochtenation knows, it’s not just Lochte himself who’s been all over the place. Every week he’s flooded us with hilarious quotes, and last night Lochte went out with a bang. In case you didn’t watch, these are The Dumbest Things Ryan Lochte Said on Last Night’s What Would Ryan Lochte Do?
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On skating with his family: “You know, I thought skating would have been fun, but then, with my family, it becomes, like, a construction derby, like, we’re fighting, we’re pushing each other…construction derby, right? Destruction derby? It turns out to be a destruction derby.”
On his brother Devon revealing to their family that Ryan is thinking of moving to L.A.: “You just started World War IV.”
On his popularity with the ladies at the pool in Miami: “It was like a Lochte feeding frenzy in that pool and I was the bait. They were just nippin’ at me all different directions.”
On what he wants to be in his next life: “Probably like, some kind of bird so I can fly around.”
On his upcoming championship meet: “…I have way too much on my mind. Too many bananas bouncing up, up and down, flying monkeys, purple monkeys. You name it.”
On fixing cell phones: “The science of putting a phone in a bucket of rice? It’s supposed to…help it.”
On Gene talking to the jeweler: “I see Gene over there talking to the…what do you call those people? Not the owner. The designer?”
On his party: “The Lochto-party-meter is definitely starting to get turned up.”
On his deep connection with his friend Jessica: “We have a lot of stuff in common. She likes salt and vinegar chips, like the white gummy bears, she lives here in Miami.”
On Jessica: “Who the f—k was Jessica?”
