20 Classic "Simpsons" Quotes You Can Use In Everyday Situations
Take a look at our list of 20 classic "Simpsons" quotes you can use in everyday situations.
Image via Complex Original
For more than 20 seasons and 540 episodes, The Simpsons has littered the pop culture landscape with classic one-liners and bits of political and social satire for fans of all tastes. Over the years, these quotes have seeped into the mainstream lexicon, making it rare to go a week without someone in your home, class, or office firing off a Simpsons reference under any and all circumstances.
But if you want to impress a real fan, you’ll need to do more than spout out the occasional “D’oh” or “Don’t have a cow, man.” You’ll need to dig deep into the show’s history to find the perfect quote for your situation, no matter how obscure it may be. Don’t worry, we’re here to help with our list of 20 Classic Simpsons Quotes You Can Use In Everyday Situations.
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“There's only one thing to do at a moment like this: strut!”
Who said it: Bart
Episode: “Bart’s Girlfriend” (November 6, 1994)
When to use it: After getting that promotion, tax return, or negative pregnancy test you’ve been waiting for.
“Your ideas are intriguing to me, and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.”
Who said it: Homer
Episode: “Mountain of Madness” (February 2, 1997)
When to use it: As your friend expounds upon the virtues of Ron Paul.
“Everything’s coming up Milhouse.”
Who said it: Milhouse Van Houten
Episode: “Mom and Pop Art” (April 11, 1999)
When to use it: After realizing your waiter forgot to charge you for the extra beer.
“I used to be with it, but then they changed what ‘it’ was, and now what I’m with isn’t it. And what’s ‘it’ seems weird and scary to me.”
Who said it: Grandpa
Episode: “Homerpalooza” (May 19, 1996)
When to use it: When you take shit for having an iPod full of The Fray and Goo Goo Dolls albums.
“You don’t win friends with salad.”
Who said it: Homer, Bart, and Marge (song version optional)
Episode: “Lisa the Vegetarian” (October 15, 1995)
When to use it: When your roommate tries to convince you that you won’t even miss meat once it’s out of your diet.
"I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords."
Who said it: Kent Brockman
Episode: “Deep Space Homer” (February 24, 1994)
When to use it: Whenever humanity is threatened by a rogue species bent on our destruction. This includes apes, ants, locusts, and Justin Beiber fans.
“It takes two to lie: one to lie and one to listen.”
Who said it: Homer
Episode: “Colonel Homer” (March 26, 1992)
When to use it: When justifying any of the countless lies you sprinkle throughout your everyday life.
“I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.”
Who said it: Homer
Episode: “Duffless” (February 18, 1993)
When to use it: Mumble it to your co-worker during your job’s insufferable Friday afternoon Town Hall meeting.
"They taste like burning.”
Who said it: Ralph Wiggum
Episode: “Das Bus” (February 15, 1998)
When to use it: Any time you are forced to take some Fireball shots.
“Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail.”
Who said it: Homer
Episode: “How I Spent My Strummer Vacation” (November 10, 2002)
When to use it: When giving your Best Man speech at a friend’s wedding.
“I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: democracy simply doesn’t work.”
Who said it: Kent Brockman
Episode: “Bart’s Comet” (February 5, 1995)
When to use it: Every November. This should then be followed by a swig out of a bottle of Jameson.
“What’s the point of going out? We’re just gonna wind up back here anyway.”
Who said it: Homer
Episode: “Scenes from the Class Struggle in Springfield” (February 4, 1996)
When to use it: When convincing your friends that staying in and watching Anaconda is more entertaining (and educational) than any bar.
“I didn't think it was physically possible, but this both sucks and blows.”
Who said it: Bart
Episode: “Marge Simpson in: ‘Screaming Yellow Honkers’” (February 21, 1999)
When to use it: Have you seen The Following yet? You can say this during every episode and you'll be a hero to all.
“Loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix.”
Who said it: Comic Book Guy
Episode: “My Sister, My Sitter” (March 2, 1997)
When to use it: On those cold, lonely nights as a single twentysomething.
“You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is: Never try.”
Who said it: Homer
Episode: “Burns’ Heir” (April 14, 1994)
When to use it: When the Kickstarter campaign for your friend's Mr. Belvedere musical fails.
“There’s a 4:30 in the morning now?”
Who said it: Bart
Episode: “Bart’s Comet” (February 5, 1995)
When to use it: After being woken up to go on that early morning hike you drunkenly agreed to the night before.
“Don’t blame me, I voted for Kodos.”
Who said it: Homer
Episode: “Treehouse of Horror VII” (October 27, 1996)
When to use it: When your entrepreneur friend complains about this administration's high taxes.
“I can’t promise I’ll try, but I’ll try to try.”
Who said it: Bart
Episode: “The Canine Mutiny” (April 13, 1997)
When to use it: Whenever your boss assigns you work on the day before a three-day weekend.
“My cat’s breath smells like cat food.”
Who said it: Ralph Wiggum
Episode: “Lisa’s Rival” (September 11, 1994)
When to use it: Any time your pre-med friends try to explain to you what a spleen is for.
“Don’t make me run. I’m full of chocolate.”
Who said it: Üter Zorker
Episode: “Lisa on Ice” (November 13, 1994)
When to use it: When your eager co-workers wake you up to hit the gym before work.