Image via Complex Original
When the founding fathers declared the right to freedom of speech—the free communication of ideas and opinion—little did they know trolls would one day lurk in the dark crevices of comment sections on the world wide web. What was once a place meant for global communication has become a breeding ground for discord, unruliness and utter tomfoolery. Don't get us wrong, not all comment sections are marked by biting vitriol, many do embrace a community spirit—give or take a few silver-tongued quips. What follows, then, is a survey of our favorite comment sections on the Internet today. A word to the wise: enter at your own risk.
Most Y.O.L.O. Readers
John Newman: This is what happens when there's no hockey, we turn our attention to things we have no clue about like football. And for God's sake, who books Justin Bieber for the halftime show at a football game? Football fans don't care about Bieber and Bieber fans don't care about football. Perfect!
Much like Post headlines, its readers are bold, unapologetic and typically don't give a f#ck. Word to Eminem.
Most Creative Music Nerds
addo: I like that the lead singer is not exactly fat, but just very well-fed looking. He's like a baby seal who's been doted on by his mother.
We're pretty sure Marcus Mumford's mom would disagree.
Least Likely To Be The Next Lena Dunham
VAW66 (on "Homeland"): If my wife and daughter were as teeth-grindingly irritating as Jessica and Dana, I'd turn terrorist, too. I'm also sick of Roya striding around in her bun and sexy black suits. Max and Virgil and Saul are the reason I keep watching, plus hoping that Carrie will get her mojo back and do something really interesting again.
Something tells us a lot of these commenters are HBO extras trying to get their own show. Believe the hype: It's hard out here for a wannabe showrunner.
Most Fanatical
Evan: I can't stop watching that Barnes dunk. It's kind of like watching The Matrix and Pek is Agent Smith at the end when Neo gets all awesome.
The comment sections on Ball Don't Lie are similar to a typical night at Madison Square Garden when the Knicks are playing: loud, unruly, and full of basketball diehards.
Most Prideful
Deeplyconcerned (in response to "Tory campaign chief calls for electoral pact with Ukip"): Have we not learnt anything from the Liberal Democrat deal with Conservatives??? Come this is an insult to the intelligence of the Uk citizens..for any more "deals". We need more parties offering more choices for voting and proportional representation that the only way that the voice of the true majority will be heard.
A true democracy is built off of a judicious comment section. Well, that and votes.
Probably Least Stupid But We're Not Really Sure
dado: Chris Christie should go on a diet of worms.
Insightful, straight to the point, and funny. Also, true.
Most Diverse (and Probably Most Racist)
mashtoe: All humans used to live in Africa. So pack up everyone because we are going back to the original map from 30,000 years ago. Everyone back to Africa...and we will live in trees. Or wait. Everyone back to the oceans!
HuffPo commenters come from all strata of society, which, more often than not, makes for a lively debate. And by lively we mean highly-charged and prone to racist statements.
Meanest Funny Hipsters
Anonymous: Saw this band last year and that guy is just a fucking douchebag, no way around it. Maybe if he wants to stop being self important he can stop canoodling around in a douchey jean jacket pounding his chest (literally) and be a genuine, no-frills human being. I'm sick of watching fuckheads like this gravitate towards esoteric manifesto babble. Just make music. It's just music. Jesus.
In the Brooklyn Vegan comment section, anonymity and e-courage go hand in hand.
Most Likely To Spend His Day Son'ing Other Trolls
d0_ob: First!...and probably only....
HiDEFtheBasedGod: People still do 1st? lol What a fag. Don't worry, BasedGod loves You, My Daughter.
d0_ob: Please keep me posted on what cool ppl do and don't do.
HiDEFtheBasedGod: I will, My Daughter. I love you, girl.
d0_ob: Aww I love you too daddy :* I'll always be your princess....swag
HiDEFtheBasedGod: You'll always be my little scuzz whore cum bucket. Did you make my money today, baby?
This one speaks for itself.
Most Unpredictable
Tatiana Alvarez (on "Liz And Dick"): I jusst finished watching this. I think my IQ dropped.
BuzzFeed commenters tend to skew toward the younger demographic. Much like the site's MO, which is to provide topical content with the intention of it going viral (no site loves GIFs quite like BuzzFeed), commenters tend to offer short quips on anything and everything.
Most Likely To Be A Catholic School Dropout
StrangeW0lf: Also, Soulja Boy is confirmed to make in appearance in earls new album. Track is called Scrotum so Icy. Add that to the tracklist
Vulgar quips are the norm among OddFutureTalk.com commenters. But that's to be expected when you idolize a crew who's mantra is "kill people, burn shit, fuck school." TROLLWGKTA.
Film School Rejects
Cathartic Bullets: Spoiler! More like Cloud ASSLAS! (really though it looks good, haven't seen it yet, just needed my needless "zinger")
Film snobbery at its finest.
Most Likely To Have A Shrine To Steve Jobs In His Bedroom
An explanation by way of example.
parrishm89: Come on now. I am so sick of hearing about Apple, it's starting to drive me crazy. Guys, more so to the die-hards, wake up for gosh sakes. Anyone dumb enough to spend hundreds of dollars more for a device(s) that offers the same, and even less, of an over-all experience than cheaper alternatives, is just a blind consumer. Today I listened to someone complain about how she couldn't use her sd cards, from her camera, to transfer photos onto an iPad and this guy defended the iPad by stated that you can get an adapter for that. For gosh sakes, Apple can't even put sd card slots on their iPads, which ultimately merits another useless purchase for an adapter. What sickens me is many consumers are okay with blowing all this necessary amounts of cash on a WAAAYYYYY overpriced device(s). Heck, look at Apple's macbook pros; you can literally buy the same thing, with MORE graphical power, for hundreds of dollars less and many consumers still think that the more expensive Apple product is somehow more superior/innovative. I will never understand this Apple phenomena and am sorry for people that can't see this.
richardpaulknight: I don't want *cheaper*. Do you moan at a guy in an Aston Martin and say he should have got a Ford Focus?
Most Likely To Become A Roadie
SpotLight (on "White Dress"): is it Ye feat. RZA? Because I don't need that dude sounding all down syndrome on this. "**** IS FUKIN RIDCILUSSS" ****
Kanye stans are the worst.
Most Likely To Be The I'm-Not-A-Real-Photographer-But-Tell-All-My-Friends-I-Am Douchebag
yabokkie: iso has nothing to do with photography nor image quality at certain exposure. iso exists for chemical developments and digital calculations at a lower level. it cannot tell you how the output image may look like without knowing the format first thus totally unsuitable across different formats. iso only explains unit area, no more, no less.
The DPreview comment section is one giant community forum of phony photographers who argue over cameras and photo quality. It's sad and funny. But mostly just sad.
Nostalgic Hipsters
May (in response to "5 Reasons Why It Would Be Awesome To Have A Boyfriend Right Now"): i thought Thought Catalog had more substance than this, this one sounds like a bad hollywood movie
Me too, May. Me too.
Reality Show Rejects
Meena: I saw Twilight #2 with my niece and her friend. I think I would rather take a crow bar to the knee cap then see another one of these movies. The make-up on the main vampire was terrible. He looked more like a drag queen (love them!) than a vampire. I found the movie extremely boring. That's all.
Deep down the rabbit hole (aka the comment section) on EW.com lives a legion of wannabe thespians, D-list celebrities, super fans (read: stalkers), and canned show runners. No SAG necessary.
Most Likely To Be A Former All-Star Footballer Who Secretly DVRs "Project Runway"
Ambrosini: So if they're gonna have a christmas shirt(wtf), couldn't they at least have some snowflakes or santa claus or something on it...? Why would you make a christmas-shirt for a few games that looks almost the same as the one they already wore?
Dude, it's just a shirt.
Most Likely To Buy TV Dinners
Metz: There really are worse things than seeing Elisha Cuthbert forcing a naked turkey to dance.
Uproxx commenters are a special bunch. They love it all: low-brow comedies, suspense films, obscure sports ephemera, and quirky web trends.
The Politically-High-Minded-But-I-Will-Still-Get-Ratchet-With-Your-Ass Commenter
Chill Chad Stanton: It seems that the Republican Party's inability to recruit diverse and competent Republicans from non-white communities has left them with an inability to self-reflect and properly gauge how others, especially other non-white people, view their actions.
Nothing is off limits in the comment sections of Ta-Nehisi Coates' popular blog on TheAtlantic.com. Politics, religion, sports, American history, and pop culture are recurring talking points. Just a word of advice: make sure you come correct.
Most Clueless Hipsters
javey dones: i remember. wayyyy back in 1736. i was a seapunk bro. nobody else knew about seapunk shit apart from my mermaid bros & some pirates & sea captains via life on the sea. what is my genre coming to?
Huh?
Least Improved Haters
Superkiwizorro (on Donald Trump): it must suck to have a lying blowhard guido-orange dad with a horrible haircut
Aside from YouTube and The Huffington Post, Gawker has one of the few comment sections that can actually draw a large number of readers. And as Gawker itself has evolved from a gossip-driven, e-tabloid to a more investigative news site, its commenters haven't wavered. But be forewarned: haters gonna hate.
Most Diehard Rap Fans
Plug: I still remember being a teen with all that expensinve gear on not having no girls. when I stopped thinking about gear and cars so much and started opening my mouth to actually talk to females is when it all changed
Captain Planet: Keep Going !!!
Since its debut in 2005, Nah Right has been the go-to rap blog. Run by HBIC (the B is for Blogger) Eskay, it became a favorite amongst hip hop cyber nerds for two chief reasons: its ability to provide content fast (the term "first" became a popular meme amongst loyal readers) and its argumentative, though no less democratic, comment sections. There are thousands of rap blogs today, but this is the comment section you got your whole style from.
Most Crunk
Marcelo Jimenez de Arechaga (on Lil B): i should slap the shit outta this mothafucka. making like 5 shitty songs a day.
KC In HighDefinition: needa slap ya dad for makin ur ungrateful ass
World Star is a lot like the wild west but with rap fans: a no-holds barred brawl for troll supremacy. In fact, WSHH may be hip-hop's last true melting pot. Where else can you find a Mos Def super fan debating with a 2Chainz impersonator about the cultural significance of a Barack Obama rap parody?
Most Valuable Trolls
armanpapa3 (responding to "Gangnam Style" becoming the most-watched video on YouTube): it went inside justingayber's ass and he died.
The comment sections throughout the YouTube universe are worlds unto themselves. Commenters offer criticism with equal parts acrimonious vitriol and fist-pumping adulation. The demographic ranges from rebellious teenyboppers who idolize One Direction to content creators seeking online validation to racist, Romney-loving trolls.