Your Favorite Video Game Characters Re-Imagined as Sad, Sad Hypebeasts

Hypebeast, like a plague of impossibly resilient insects.

Complex Original

Image via Complex Original

Fashion and video games aren't two cultural institutions that regularly collude with one another.

The video game industry's idea of fashion doesn't normally extend much further than an ill-fitting, special edition, pre-order hoodie. And while an officially licensed Assassin's Creed III bathrobe may seem like a perfect substitute for a napkin, those marinara stains are there for good.

No, video game merchandise is almost famously unwearable, as you can see below:

(Thumbs up on not seeing people openly mock our wardrbrobe choices!)

Why does the hoodie zip over the face? What instance would ever arise where you needed to be both deaf and blind? Video game characters are designed with art direction and marketing at the forefront of their development.

Video game characters need to look cool. A cool looking protagonist on the cover of your AAA box is going to move units. You know who else needs to look cool? Hypebeasts. From camping out for limited edition collab FlyKnits to the profiteering resellers of marked up gear, hypebeasts are compelled to ride the dicks of their favorite streetwear brands straight into the ground.

But what if video game characters began to emulate those very same characteristics that make the nefarious hypebeast dwell in their odious culture of comparison? It would be pretty sad.

How sad? Read on for Your Favorite Video Game Characters Re-Imagined as Sad, Sad Hypebeasts

Kung Lao Rejects His Shaolin Past, Embraces the Billowy Present.

Trading in his razor brimmed XXL fedora this former member of the White Lotus Society is no longer compelled to defend the Earth Realm from Outworld. Kung Lao now spends his days trolling for extra rare Supereme deadstock and channeling 2009 Kanye.

Niko Bellic Now Refers to Himself as Street Goth .

After the decidedly ambiguous conclusion of Grand Theft Auto IV, everyone's favorite bummer has re-invented himself as a street style photog and fashion blogger. Niko's still plugged into the Eastern European counterfeit game, so there's a good chance that DRKSHDW gear he pawned off on you was some expensive knock off trash.

Gordon Freeman and Lee Everet = #Influencers.

Givenchy has two unofficial brand ambassadors as the mains of Half-Life and The Walking Dead creep outside pre-release events and silently judge you by your Instagram feed.

Nathan Drake and His Hunt for Red Octobers.

Aside from saving money for another decorative Highlander replica katana, Nathan Drake puts his treasure hunting prowess to use by trolling Ebay for extra rare Supreme gear.

He'd appreciate it if you didn't bring up his Keffiyeh phase.

Wario Makes Retirement Extra Breezy.

After collecting his pension and cashing in his 401K, from the Mushroom Kingdom, Wario plans on spending his golden years geared out in Publish sweatpants and cruising the halls of his assisted living facility. Scamming on cash rich widows is the only way he can keep himself in StampdLA and Black Market gear.

Vaas Gets His So-Cal Douche Chill Game on Point.

After leaving the island at the close of Far Cry 3, Vaas has relocated to Southern California and gotten his realtor's license. When he's not closing on multi-million dollar listings, Vaas stunts on his coworkers by casually dropping how much he spent on his trip to AGENDA this year.

Spider-Man 2099 Channels His Urban Shaman Vibes.

Dude's gone so next-fucking level, bruh has actually reset the level all together.

Marvel Comics would love nothing more than if people quietly forgot about the 2099 line from the 90s. Miguel O'Hara may have co-starred in Spider-Man: Shattered Dimensions, but still hasn't changed his taste for drapey black man wraps paired with custom snapbacks bearing his own logo.

Don't be that guy, don't be that guy.

The Best Way to Get Both Stopped and Frisked.

Look at fucking Jon Draper over here.

The protagonists from the Assassin's Creed series tend to be a mopey lot. Slipping daggers between the ribs of targets will take an emotional toll on anyone, but you can't rock a draped onesie that doubles as a Pyrex hammock without attracting the attention of local law enforcement.

Jak and Daxter Build a Drop Crotch Empire.

After opening a chain of successful Cross Fit boxes in South Brooklyn, Jak and Daxter have diversified their holdings by becoming self-styled influencers through their Hypebeast media empire.

Like a Lanvin bomber jacket shrouded version of Gawker, Jak and Daxter have an entire family of online publications dedicated to pointing out how basic your gear is. Through overt Hypebeast shaming, the duo's estimated worth is somewhere in the neighborhood of $350,000,000.