A Survival Guide For Moving Back in With Your Parents After Graduation

Your parents will probably do this for you, but if not, take initiative. You and your folks are roommates now, and roommates have rules. For me, this meant that if I was going to be out after midnight, I wouldn't come home. It wasn't that my parents were pissed off, it was that they had to get up for work at 5 in the morning. We set up a schedule of who would cook when, who would clean what, and where our personal space would begin and end. This is still their house: you may think you know their rules, but it is possible that things have changed since you were a teenager. Get up to speed.

Oh, you're an adult now? Well, you're also living in someone else's house for free, so get ready to work for it. Odds are, you're actually going to end up doing more around the house than you did growing up. You are less of a complete idiot, so your parents might assign you big boy tasks without worrying that you'll completely screw them up. You're parents are four (or more) years older, and mowing the lawn doesn't come as easy as it used to. But, most importantly, you're an adult. The family contract is for eighteen years of free room and board, no more. You might not end up technically paying rent, but you are going to pay to stay there some how. Get used to cleaning out gutters, attics, and garages, because that's every Saturday until you rent that U-Haul and start your life.

If there are any fit, attractive women in your hometown, where do you think you're going to find them? If your hometown is anything like mine, the closest thing to the coffee shop is the local diner where the average patron is a card carrying AARP member, and the coolest bar is known for bar fights and country karaoke every third Tuesday. If there are eligible bachelorettes in your town, odds are they are on the elliptical machine. Even if you aren't looking for love in all the fit places, the gym will give you somewhere to go where you aren't getting drunk. And, let's be honest with ourselves here, you'll probably get drunk a lot. If you thought the Freshman 15 was bad, look out for the i'm-out-of-college-and-my-life-has-no-meaning-or-direction 25!

There is going to be a dearth of nubile co-eds in your life now that you have left the hormonal petri dish that was your college career. That doesn't mean you can't get some. You might be thinking that you don't have anything in common with women in your hometown, filled as it is with Moms, hairdressers, and secretaries. Just because the average woman back home isn't interested in hearing you talk about Nietzsche doesn't mean you can't have a good time. It will probably be nice for you to have conversations about something other than indie rock, weed, and Arrested Development. Get out there. Have fun. Date a mom...just try to make sure that Dad is out of the picture. Since a lot of guys who stayed in my hometown became construction workers and laborers, I tried to make sure any women I went out with were truly unattached, as to avoid a baseball bat to the face.

I bet you can already hear the siren song of keg stands and basement ragers luring you back to your old college town for one last hurrah. Do not listen to their call. Do not wreck yourself on the rocky shores of your old dorm room. College is over and it's never coming back. Down the road, it will be totally cool if you and your boys plan a trip back once a year. Then, you'll be going back to remember how it was. If you go back now, you're jumping back into something that is continuing on without you. All you're going to find on your visit back to your old school is a new face at the desk, on the team, or on stage, doing exactly what you used to do. Your college has moved on to sucking an entirely new batch of students dry of their future income; let the circle of life continue without you drunkenly puking all over it.

While you shouldn't be hanging out at your old college, it will be good to go see your buddies who have landed all over the country. From this moment onward, it is going to get harder and harder to get together. Some friends who you saw every day for the last four years you are never going to see again. Some friends will start grad school. Some friends will start demanding jobs. Some friends are about to get married. You've got the time right now: go see them. If you aren't totally sold on your next move, there is no cheaper way to travel than a Megabus ticket and your boy's pull-out coach. One of my best friends went to Office Candidate School shortly after we graduated four years ago. I saw him that summer and the next meaningful amount of time I'll spend with him will be next month, now that he's finally finished two tours in Afghanistan. Carpe Diem, bro.

After you finish that 9-5 grind, you might not have much else to do. You probably have next to no friends left in your hometown, and the so-called high speed Internet on your rents' desktop leaves something to be desired. For the rest of your life, you are going to have to shoehorn hobbies into your routine with brute force if you want them to stick. For those of you going into the arts, you'll have the day job that pays and the night job that doesn't, so sleeping and drinking will become your primary hobbies. Use this time to play piano or whittle or do whatever the Hell you want to, because from here on out, hobbies are going to mean staying up a little later than you really should or carving out a precious couple of hours over the weekend.

Roll your eyes all you want. However cheesy it sounds, doing things in your home town is going to be better than sitting around bitterly waiting out your quarter-life crisis. When I lived at home I went back to the church community theatre I grew up in and directed a production of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. I made friends with adults. I applied the skills I learned in school while teaching children. It wasn't the most creatively fulfilling project I've ever worked on, but it was a Hell of a lot more fulfilling than my day job mowing lawns at a country club. Whether it is at the library, local fitness center, or a soup kitchen, there are tons of ways for you to get involved, and every single one of them will be more fulfilling than marathoning another season of 24 on Netflix.

You shouldn't obsess over your goals, but you shouldn't forget them either. It might seem like you are a million miles away from what you want, whether that's a Wall Street office or an acting career, but there are some things you can do. Have you read every book on your field? Have you listened to every podcast? Is the resumé ready for action the moment you pack your shit? Do you know anyone in your field who would take a call with you and talk about their experiences? It often won't feel like it, but there is always something you can do to move toward what you want, even it will only amount to baby steps in the right direction.

A lot of the things you enjoyed doing in college aren't going to be available to you now. There are probably no improv shows, open mic nights, poetry readings, or organized adults sports in your sleepy town. But, odds are, there is still a lot going on worth doing. When I was back home, I helped my buddy build his brewery (okay, I provided moral support while I watched him and his father build it) and I barbecued a lot. People have hobbies because they enjoy them, so there is probably something enjoyable to do in your hometown, even if you would never want your college friends to catch you doing it. Fishing and four-wheeling may not be your idea of a good time, but if that's the local flavor, give it a shot. It's not like the boys down at the auto body shop are going to start an improv group with you anyway.