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Fresh off a rivetingly written report that Travis Scott was allegedly stoked to be on the road amidst the wave of ultimately inconsequential Jordyn Woods x Tristan Thompson updates, Woods joined the Red Table Talk team for an-depth interview featuring a surprise pop-in from future blue genie Will Smith.

During the discussion with Jada Pinkett Smith and Adrienne Banfield-Norris, Woods shared her side of the story regarding the night in question. The interview's premiere was followed with a predictably prompt tweeted response from the Kardashian side of things, with Khloé Kardashian calling Woods a liar:

Below, we've meticulously broken down a few key moments from the interview while pondering the overwhelming weight of years' worth of buried existential angst. Peruse at will.

This interview is the hardest one Jada Pinkett Smith's ever done

"This has been difficult for three families and it's been rough," the Red Table Talk co-host said at the top of the interview. (The Kardashians, the Woods, and the Smiths, evidently) "I've known her her whole life." Jada then explained the connection, noting that Woods' late father was a sound engineer on Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.

"Jaden and Jordyn ended up becoming true day ones by forging a close lifelong bond since they were infants," she said. For the interview, Woods reached out about clearing the air. By Will's assessment, the show's table possesses "mythological cleansing and healing powers."

Tristan Thompson didn't personally invite Jordyn Woods to his house

According to Woods, she was initially out with friends for dinner and then at a bar on the Sunday night in question. Eventually, she overheard some friends talking about taking the party to a house that turned out to be Thompson's. Woods decided at the time to go ahead and accompany the group because she felt it was a "safe" space.

"I'm not thinking I shouldn't be here, and that's my first step where I went wrong," Woods said around seven minutes in. "How would I feel if someone close to me is hanging out at my ex's house, or the father of my child? I didn't think about that. Thats the first part of the problem . . . The first step is I should have gone home after the party. I shouldn't have been there."

There was "never anything intimate"

Later, Woods disputed any claims that a lap dance or making out occurred. "Never once did we leave the public area . . . all in plain sight," she said. Though there was "never anything intimate" going on between them, Woods said she could understand how someone in need of a story could misinterpret the party atmosphere.

"Because there's so much history involved, I wasn't thinking right," she said. "I take full responsibly for that."

Woods was never "belligerently drunk"

Last month, entire articles were written about the alleged drunkenness of Woods on the night in question. By Woods' assessment, she never had a blackout moment but was intoxicated. 

"I never was belligerently drunk to where I can't remember what happened," she said around the 12:30 mark. "I was never blacked out. I was drunk, I was not tipsy—I was drunk but I was not beyond the point of recollection. I know where I was."

Thompson allegedly kissed Woods

"On the way out, he did kiss me," said Woods, who left early the next morning when others were also still allegedly at the house. "It's just no passion, no nothing, on the way out he just kissed me . . . It was like a kiss on the lips but no tongue kiss, no making out, nothing. And I don't think that he’s wrong either because I allowed myself to be in that position and when alcohol's involved people make dumb moves or get caught up in the moment."

Woods left immediately, later telling the Kardashian-Jenners that Thompson had just been "chilling" that night. "She doesn't deserve this either," she said of Khloé.

Woods doesn't believe she's the reason Kardashian and Thompson split

Around 16 minutes in, Woods stated adamantly that she doesn't believe she's solely to blame for the split.

"I know I’m not the reason that Tristan and Khloé are not together," she said. "Now, this situation may have made it harder for her to want to be with him and I understand that, but I know I'm not the reason." Woods added that there's never been a thought or consideration of engaging in any sort of relationship with Thompson.

Woods is willing to take a lie detector test

By Woods' account, nothing beyond Thompson's alleged morning exit kiss went down. Speaking on the situation Friday, Woods said she'd be up for a full-blown lie detector exam.

"That's why I'm willing to be put up to the test," she said. "Attach me to a lie detector, whatever it is. I need people to know the truth. And more importantly, I need the people involved to know the truth."