If the previously reported footage of children willfully brutalizing a harmless robot didn't strike fear in your increasingly less youthful heart, then news of Buffalo's impending baby boom should do the trick. Nine short months after a devastating snowstorm dubbed "Snowvember" pummeled Western New York, trapping citizens in their homes for days at a time, local hospitals are reporting a dramatic increase in the number of births.
In fact, some hospitals are reportedly expecting a birth rate increase of "25 to 30 percent," meaning that once ridiculous fear of children possibly taking over the world is now a confirmed inevitability. "There's no question that [Mercy Hospital in Buffalo] is definitely the heart of where everything was happening," Catholic Health PR manager Dawn Cwierley tells WGRZ. "People were buried in days on end. Being that this coming week is the nine-month anniversary of Snowvember, they're prepared and anticipating a much higher increase."
The typical birth rate at Mercy Hospital is no more than six babies a day, a nightmare by any measurement, but Snowvember Baby Boom rates are expected to increase to as many as 16 babies a day. This means, of course, that the robot-bullying children of the future will now have more robot-bullying friends than ever before.
No one is safe. Don't leave your homes. Trust no baby.