The monomania surrounding Fifty Shades of Grey has now caused chaos on a global scale. Over Valentines Day weekend in Florida, a group of about 100 cartoonishly horny, entitled teenagers squadded up and rushed the theater who refused to sell them tickets because they were unaccompanied minors under the age of seventeen. While nobody was stabbed with a wine bottle, they made sure their riotous presence was felt and feared, threatening the paying customers of the theater with violence.
A terrified witness who wanted to enjoy their smut in peace called the police and described the scene:
There's a bunch of — about 35 teenagers running in and out of the movie threatening people. … There's no control here. They were saying, 'Shut the f— up, or I'm going to kill you.' … I'm trying to get out, and I don't feel comfortable leaving the theater."
Police eventually arrived to break up the debauchery. While nobody was severely injured, one teenager was arrested for juvenile battery and resisting arrest. I hope these rambunctious kids learned their lesson and remember next time to stay calm and watch free porn at home like the rest of us civilized Americans.