Address: 2369 Market St.

From its name, you might expect this to be a cute little French bistro-influenced gastropub, but nay. The only cream you'll be sipping here will be served body temperature, probably in the bathroom. The Café is a cut above for its raw sexual aggressiveness. The ripped go-gos help whip themselves into a frenzy, swinging their hard-ons to no particular tempo. The main bar is located at the front of the dance floor, so you'll have to squeeze through a mass of sweaty, grinding bodies to get there. I hope you're down with a little goosing, 'cause these boys don't necessarily ask before touching. This fertile scene is hemmed by old librarian-looking dudes who stand stock-still at the edge of the dance floor, talking to no one and feasting their pervy eyes. If you crave easy, casual sex with strangers, by all means, please have fun.