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Benedict Cumberbatch is a strange one. Just take a look at the talented British actor: jarring, right? To some—basically all Sherlock fans—he's the most handsome man alive. To others—basically the people who only discovered him in Star Trek Into Darkness—he looks like a kneecap, a shaved alpaca, or Sudden Clarity Clarence. Beyond the interesting face, Bennie's best feature has to be his name, which sounds like an uncomfortable British sex position, an alcoholic beverage, or the protagonist of a fairy tale, depending on who you ask.
In an Imgur post taken from the Britannia Awards, where Cumberbatch won British Artist of the Year (he's legit, guys), fans took to the comments to sound off on their favorite name for the peculiar performer. They're all hilarious (and probably taken from this excellent name generator), but it's ultimately up to personal preference. There were a million-plus names, but we've narrowed it down to the 15 most A+ ones. And imagined a completely new backstory for each, just for shits and giggles.
Now it's time to choose your favorite Benedict Cumberbatch name:
Beetlejuice Captaincrunch: A scorned cereal maker who's punished for driving kids to obesity and is sent from his hometown on Crunch Island into purgatory.
Bumdiddily Coomberbot: A robot chimney sweep in a dystopian land that was once known as London who finds he has a panache for preaching the good word of the Lord.
Butterscotch Cabbagepatch: A farmer turned Founding Father who was never taken seriously due to his constant hijinks and lack of education/personal hygiene.
Bandersnatch Helicopter: The coolest dude at college, the one who planned all the good pantyraids... until he was drafted into the Army.
Bandicoot Snootchiebootchies: A mad scientist who must yield his uncontrollable power to time travel at a moment's notice, also known as The Time Traveler's Little Brother.
BippityBop Cosbyspeech: He's the world's most revered speech therapist, but can he train the great Bill Cosby to stop saying things like "zip zop zoopity bop"?
Bombywoodle Compadoodle: A struggling writer who finds himself washed up on what he presumed was a desert island, until he ran into the locals—cannibals who set up a Gladiator-style fight-to-the-death game of Rock, Paper, Scissors.
Billdiddlydoodowhop Cosbyshow: A man with two passions in this world: sweaters and creating a life-sized town from The Flintstones. One of these things will drive him insane.
Bumpersticker Cowboybebop: A professional cosplay artist determined to achieve his dream of becoming a space pirate.
Butawhiteboy Cantbekhan: A man whose mission in life is to represent every character that is a person of color so white people won't feel threatened at the movies.
Bumblebee Crumblysprinkles: A captain who, along with his army of Muppets, collects 1,000 Nazi skulls after the USA and Great Britain find Hitler's hidden camp on the moon.
Bendildblah Cumberflaaahh: A reincarnated Andy Kaufman returns in the form of a dashing Brit, and must convince the world of his true identity.
Bumbleboar Cottagecheese: A dog who's accidentally transformed into a human by a failed attempt by a lonely child to resurrect his dead dad.
Benedryl Candysnatch: A seductive manchild with a curious secret.
Bob Smith: A twice-divorced tax man with a lonely wife on Xanax and a pair of spoiled boys on the lacrosse team. His taste for leggy blondes is threatening his billions.
[Side note: People are real fans of "Blenderdick."]