A Complete Guide to Dating a Woman With Children

Don't be surprised if things move a little slower than you're used to. We don't necessarily mean physically. You could be hitting it on the regular, but still not be invited to her house or have met her kids. As a bachelor, your idea of home is probably transient. You'll probably move out of your apartment sooner than later, and you might share your place with guys you barely know. A mother's house is likely her home. Inviting you into her home or to meet her children may make her feel vulnerable. If she take you to her place, her children's drawings, family photos, and personal effects will be on full display. If she isn't in a hurry to bring you around friends and family, or give you the full house tour, don't fret. When she does decide to let you in, it will mean that much more.

Everyone loves spontaneity, just not all the time. It might sound ridiculous, but if your lady has a little lady of her own, only be spontaneous when appropriate. A romantic night out means a babysitter. An unexpected vacation will have to be cleared with her boss. Unlike some freewheeling singles, your girl cannot afford to be unemployed, as she has to keep her offpsring flush with Lunchables and Snak Packs. You'd best grow accustomed to planning events up to several weeks in advance to ensure that even the simplest date goes off without a hitch. It also isn't a bad idea to think about contingency plans as well. If the babysitter finds herself in over her head or the little guy's playdate gets cancelled, you don't want to be stuck at a club an hour and a half away with no easy route home.

Don't think that just because she is a mother that she isn't dating around. Just like any other girl you might date, she could be interested in a casual relationship or no relationship at all. If you are expecting a homebody mom whose life begins and ends waiting at the bustop before PTA meetings, not only are you setting yourself up for failure, but you're also kind of a sexist. "Mother" is just one of the words a woman uses to define herself. Just because she is a mother doesn't mean she isn't also sexy, independent, or a little bit wild. Not only does "assume" make an ass out of "you" and "me," it could also take you right out of a great relationship.

Being a parent forces you to grow up fast. Not only does this mean far fewer Scarface posters on your wall and a sharp reduction in karaoke nights, but it often means getting your priorities in order. Many single mothers know exactly what they want in a relationship because there simply aren't enough hours in the day for them to play around. The common misconception is that this means she is looking for commitment. That isn't necessarily the case. She could be looking for a casual fling, a longterm relationship, or anything in between. Between her work and her child, simply scheduling time for a love life can be a chore. You can bet that she is taking her play as seriously as her work. If the two of you aren't on the same page, odds are you'll soon end up an old flame.

Even if the father's involvement in his child's life is limited to child support and taking them to the park every other weekend, he will have a relationship with your lady. Accept this and come to terms with it. Don't try to be macho or territorial when you meet the baby daddy. This is not a competition. That doesn't necessarily mean that you should be buddy-buddy with the guy either. After all, you are sleeping with his old flame. When you have to be around him, be respectful but confident. Tread lightly, but don't be a pushover. Show him that you are trustworthy and responsible, but also that you aren't looking to usurp his role in his family. Walk softly and don't get into a stick swinging contest.

Unless you are cold, unfeeling being, you probably already knew this. That doesn't mean you're ready to come to terms with playing second fiddle in your relationship. It's easy to say that you have no problem coming second in a lady's life, but, as with many things it life, this might be easier said than done. It will be frustrating when romantic dinners are derailed by AWOL baby sitters and late-night romance is cut short by nightmare-induced tears. Not every young man is ready to deal with the constraints of family life. If you aren't yet in a place where you can hang, be as honest and upfront about that as possible. The most selfish thing is not being able to admit that you are selfish.

You can't force a relationship with her little man (or lady), but it isn't a bad idea to extend the olive branch as often as possible. Though most men's idea of a romantic night out doesn't involve a toddler, at a certain point in the relationship, you'll want to start planning family outings. Don't book a trip to Disney World after the first date, but after a couple months, expect to spend a romantic evening or two at the zoo or the circus. Something as simple as playing catch or watching some Yo Gabba Gabba while your lady finishes getting ready can be a great way to make a connection with her kid. Don't treat it like you're bribing him/her to like you, but understand that if you don't build a relationship with her children, then your relationship with your lady will likely be short lived.

"You're not my dad!" We've all heard this phrase hurled at a TV show leading man by petulent, door-slamming teen. The last thing you want is to have this sentence flung at you in real life. The best way to avoid a non-paternity tantrum courtesy of your lady's little one is to let them drive the relationship. If he asks you to play catch or she invites you to help pimp out her doll house (or vice-versa because this is the twenty-first century after all), feel free to join in. Before you give them something they didn't ask for, from buying them a small gift to showing up unannounced at their soccer game, make sure that you aren't overstepping your bounds. Consider yourself a vampire, and don't go anywhere you weren't invited.

The biggest mistake you can make when dating a mother is thinking that she is trying to make you into a father to her child from the start. Often, the exact opposite is true. She might just be looking for a casual break from her hectic day-to-day, a pleasant diversion for those Friday nights when she can actually get a babysitter. Just like in any other relationship, it is important to talk honestly about what you both want out of it. Just because you have visions of a house and 2.5 kids dancing in your head, doesn't mean that you can just waltz into pre-existing family and become the man of the house.

Her kid isn't going anywhere. Even if you have a casual relationship, her child is a part of her life, and is, by extension, a part of yours. If your relationship with a mother moves past booty call status, you owe it to her and yourself to be honest about your feelings on children. It is okay to admit that a Baby Bjorn is too much baggage for you to handle. If you aren't mature enough to deal with family life, or if you just don't like kids, step back. There is no shame in your game if you walk away and let her find someone who is ready for the kind of relationship she needs. You'll probably be ready for kids someday, but that day might be far in the future.