How you'll get busted: Tackled to the ground by stadium security while relieving yourself behind a parking lot dumpster
Penalty: A ticket, and a urine-soaked jean leg

After three Bloody Marys, half a dozen tallboys, and a swig or two from the Captain Morgan bottle, it's time to take a leak. We understand, but don't be brazen enough to piss on a rival fan's car hood like a Calvin and Hobbes bumper sticker personified. The inevitable run-in with police isn't worth the homage's 11 likes on Instagram. Not even a little bit. If you can't hold it, take your chances between a pair of Cadillac Escalades and let the chips fall where they may. Oh, and if you get busted, don't lie to the cop. Remember that you're standing in a puddle of irrefutable evidence and beg for mercy.

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