10 Exclusive Places In Washington, D.C. You'll Never Get Into

The need to belong to something is a feeling that dates all the way back to childhood. While feeling like you have a place can make people feel good, feeling like you’re part of something exclusive can make you feel important. How important it makes you feel depends on your self-esteem. As the nation’s capital, Washington, D.C. is home to a plethora of clubs that the Average Joe doesn’t have access to and probably isn’t even aware of. We don’t mean nightclubs and we aren’t talking secret societies, either. We mean private social clubs housed in buildings that you’ve probably passed without acknowledging.

This list of 10 exclusive places in Washington, D.C. you’ll never get into isn’t meant to crush your life—we promise. However, it will have you shrugging in indifference, second-guessing everything about yourself or striving for excellence. If you do the latter, these doors could open for you one day.

Address: 1801 I St. NW

If the Alibi Club sounds like a group of gents who used each other as lies to escape responsibility, that’s because it’s exactly how it earned its name. This den for grown kids was founded in 1884 by seven members of the Metropolitan Club and quickly became the hot spot for the cool guys in politics. Since 1886, it has occupied the space at 1801 I St. NW—which was added to the U.S. National Register of Historic Places in 1994. Like the Metropolitan Club, the Alibi Club extended membership to out-of-towners. Still, don’t get your hopes up—membership is capped at 50 and members include George H.W. Bush, Allen and John Foster Dulles (Dulles International Airport is named for him) and Nobel Peace Prize-winning General George Marshall. Picture it as a Saturday night at Ron Burgundy’s house with all of the cognac and eau-de-vies you’ve ever dreamed of.

Address: 3206 M St. NW

Housed in Georgetown’s City Tavern (one of the city’s oldest and most prestigious buildings), the City Tavern Club was born during when the decaying building needed to be renovated. You can’t simply let a place where George Washington and Thomas Jefferson once kicked it go to waste. Thus, D.C.’s oldest founding-era tavern was restored and the group that did it gained notoriety for helping the tavern eventually make it to the U.S. National Register of Historic places. These days, the City Tavern Club hosts private events where men have to wear jackets and ties, and women have to wear whatever the appropriate equivalent is in public areas. Slightly more casual dress is allowed in places like the Tap Room and Library, but we’d still direct men and women to the Michael Kors on M Street to get right before entering. So yeah, if you were lucky enough to snag Kanye’s A.P.C. collaboration, you’ll be stuntin’ on the City Tavern Club from the outside. Don’t think about tweeting in the clubhouse either, because cell phone use is banned there. None of that matters, because you won’t be in the building anyway.

Address: 2121 Massachusetts Ave. NW

The Cosmos Club is where standouts in literature, the arts and science gather. Membership is reserved for those who have displayed some form of genius or accomplished something exceptional, for example winning a Nobel or Pulitzer Prize. Women were finally allowed membership in 1988, shattering the glass ceiling to include even more of the elite. This place sports its own vast library; if you haven’t been to the library since 12th grade, you have no business there. Members are allowed to invite guests, and if you’re lucky enough to be one of those guests, you’d better know the House Rules. It’s fine that you may never win one of the awards the club hands out, but you’d better be able to identify the building’s architectural style. Cosmos Club members are among the best and exceptionally brightest men and women in the area, so you must exhibit greatness on some level to fit in.

Address: 1530 Wisconsin Ave. NW

Just because you own a pair of Georgetown pants or three doesn’t mean you’re entitled to a place in the George Town Club. Since its formation in 1966, the club has been a destination of choice for some U.S. leaders. The club proudly bills itself as most likely being John Suter’s Tavern in a past life; this is where George Washington routinely met with Andrew Ellicott and Major Pierre L’Enfant to plan what would one day become the nation’s capital. If you step it up and win at life, you can make the esteemed journey to the club’s oak paneled wine cellar or have a private dinner in the Founders’ Room. Membership is by invitation, and even after you score that invite, you still have to fill out an application that will be scrutinized by the Board of Directors. Because this is essentially like applying for a job, you’ll need two glowing letters of recommendations. Oh, and you better pay your dues on time. Only a select few have a realistic shot at membership—i.e. knowing somebody that knows somebody that…you get the gist.

Address: 1135 16th St. NW

Founded in 1904, the University Club welcomed alumni from 66 colleges and universities for its inaugural meeting. Grads in D.C. figured that if 24 other cities can have similar clubs, they needed one too. It’s a bad look for the nation’s capital to be last to the party. It’s like the fraternity and sorority you can never get into, and for a while, it was mainly a fraternity—women weren’t allowed to join until the 1980s. The University Club of Washington D.C. is proud to include both national and international members who work in the public, private and non-profit sectors. To be eligible for membership, you must have received a university, college or military degree. If you’ve completed at least a year of work at some institution of higher learning and are well-versed in business, the arts, science or literature, the board might consider voting you in. Inclusion into this elite group is for “all of ye who have a degree of good fellowship and learning,” meaning women and men who are advocates for academic excellence.

Address: 1700 H St. NW

Another one of the District’s historic sites, the Metropolitan Club is another club that’s been added to the National Register of Historic Places, which just decreases your chances of membership. It was founded in 1863 by members of the U.S. Treasury Department, and seven members branched off to create the Alibi club so they could do things with their friends without their families knowing. The goal of the group was the advancement of “literal, mutual improvement, and social purposes,” which sounds like code for “hold the world on your shoulders like Atlas or you aren’t good enough.” The club also happens to be celebrating its sesquicentennial this year. Almost every president since Honest Abe has kicked it at the Metropolitan, and it also finally extended membership to women in 1988. If you’re fortunate enough to be a member or get an invited by one, the club isn’t about to let you tarnish its reputation. On weekdays, members and guests dressed casually are only allowed to enter through the back door. These folks are legitimate influencers; struggle influencers need not apply.

Address: 300 First St. SE

Republicans can thank onetime New Jersey Congressman James C. Auchincloss for doing them a solid and deciding that Republicans needed a special place to gather and unwind. Better known as the Capitol Club, the National Republican Club of Capitol Hill is a premiere post for GOP chillin’, but make no mistake—it is a separate entity from the Republican National Committee. Since 1971, the Capitol Hill Club has inhabited prime real estate on the Hill, about a block away from the United States Capitol. From Presidents and Vice Presidents all the way down to important (i.e. loaded) Republican party members, the Capitol Hill Club retains a VIP list of people that matter. Membership is by invitation only, and to even be considered, you have to be nominated by a member and then co-signed by another member—as long as one of them is a voting member. After the red tape, potential members have to submit their applications, cough up the application fee and wait four to six nerve-wracking weeks. All of this for membership to a group where the Board of Governors can change dues and initiation fees whenever they feel like it. Your chances of membership may be Wiz Khalifa slim, but don’t let that discourage you.

Address: 529 14th St. NW

Home to current and former journalists, this National Press Club is one of the largest collections of news sources in the country. It bills itself as “The Place Where News Happens,” boasting over 3,500 members made up of journalists from all major news organizations. It also acts as a conference and networking hub; a place where careers can be made or advanced if you play your cards right and rub elbows with the right people. Lucky aspiring members might be able to learn something through the National Press Club Journalism Institute. Miracles do happen, but in the meantime, get back to minding your Tumblr.

Address: 601 F St. NW

It shares its name with the strip club and namesake of Ice Cube’s hood classic; of course you want to step foot inside. Keep dreaming. The Player’s Club is a members-only club located on the suite level of the Verizon Center that offers special treatment to members at all preseason and regular season Wizards, Capitals and Mystics games. The opulence extends to all Wizards and Caps playoff games, Georgetown University men’s basketball games and events like concerts. The 5,000-square-foot space has two private entrances, a full bar, a full size pool table, 14 flat screen TVs, private bathrooms and fireplaces. Oh, and there’s Wi-Fi too. This is the good life—the good life only members get to experience.