The 25 Douchiest Bars in Atlanta

Address: 1931 Peachtree Rd. NE
Website: blackbeartavern.net

Black Bear Tavern is a wannabe dive trying to disguise its douchey shortcomings. The mustard yellow walls could've only been popular during the early '90's Friends era. Even the pixellated logo has a certain MS Paint look to it. Avoid Black Bear on weekends or run the risk of being assaulted by out-of-tune acoustic performances from some of the most amateur singer-songwriters in town. Food and drinks are cheap, but neither are worth seeking out. Good luck reading the menu through the plumes of secondhand smoke. The bar is wildly understaffed and if it weren't for its convenient Peachtree Road location, Black Bear Tavern wouldn't stand a chance.

Address: 437 Memorial Dr. SE
Website: therepublicsocialhouse.com

Like lemmings, the gelled masses flock to rooftop patio bars, and Republic takes advantage of this captive audience. Dirt-cheap drink specials help get 'em in the door and the slowest service in town keeps 'em hanging around all day. Live DJs provide rooftop entertainment, but that's not enough of a reason to commit to hanging in Grant Park, especially among sloppy drunks who've spent their days baking under the Atlanta sun. You can smell the brain cells dying.

Address: 1033 North Highland Ave. NE
Website: moesandjoes.com

This little dive isn't trying too hard, it's not trying at all. Typical bar fare falls short of average and can only be washed down with PBR or PBR. "Bros & Bros" doesn't serve liquor, the ultimate blow against this place. It takes forever to puke from beer (unless you're bonging), meaning it takes forever for Bros Squared to pop off and become the kind of for-profit frat party that'll haul your ass down memory lane. You can't even properly flashback to college. No thanks.

Address: 1 Philips Dr.
Website: philipsarena.com/arena-info/inside-the-arena/red

Drinking at Red is the lousiest way to spend your time during an Atlanta Hawks game, or any other ticketed event at Philips Arena. Even the best seat at the bar doesn't provide a clear view of the floor, which will make you wonder why the place exists at all. But then you'll look up to see the Cîroc Super Premium Vodka signage and the water sculpture in the middle of the damn bar. All makes sense now, right? This bar isn't for fans, it's a magnet for monied lames with no sense of cool. People who wear sunglasses indoors while pretending to be luxury-box ballers can't say no to Red.

Address: 485 Flat Shoals Ave. SE
Website: eastsidelounge.net

Though this East Atlanta bar has changed names many times over the years, the place has always had a sketchy vibe. Perhaps it's the long, small, and skinny layout. The gauntlet, er, bar quickly fills up with wall-to-wall hipsters in tank tops who will burn you with cigarettes and then spill drinks on you to salve the wound. The upstairs dance floor is accessible via an extra-long staircase that becomes exceedingly difficult to navigate as the night staggers on. Trend-humping hairstyles on male patrons are often more elaborate than those of their female friends. Resident DJs aren't the worst and the drinks are cheap, but don't stick around for too many wall concoctions. The bathroom line will have you pinching your bladder for up to 30 minutes, depending on how considerate the cokeheads are that night.

Address: 1578 Piedmont Ave. NE
Website: smithsoldebar.com

Smith's is widely regarded as one of Atlanta's best live music venues, probably because it holds the unofficial world record for most covers of "Ants Marching" ever played in a single establishment. Multiple stages allow promoters to book singer-songwriter acousticrap acts to their heart's content. A melting pot, Smith's invites overweight fratboys to coexist with Land Rover-driving, tie-dye-wearing, nug-jug stoners. On non-show nights, the gameroom is a popular diversion for locals. Still, the best game at Smith's is taking a drink for every pre-distressed UGA ballcap you see.

Address: 822 North Highland Ave. NE
Website: limerickjunction.com

Limerick Junction stays stubbornly true to its theme by only playing Irish music. To accomplish this, Limerick houses a rotating cast of warblers that perform the same songs almost every night of the week, regardless of capacity. When the bar is crawling with assholes dressed like golfers, performers turn up the volume to be heard over patrons yelling, "Bro! Car Bombs! Let's go!" Croakies and open-toed sandals are standard issue.

Address: 654 Peachtree St. NE
Website: publikatl.com

The food at Publik Draft House is decent, though overpriced. Credit for that is due to the spot's prime location: right next door to the historic Fox Theater. The bar tries hard to stay hip to the mixology trend, but fails. The area behind the bar is so cramped that the bartender (vested, obviously) has to keep several of his used ingredients on the bar itself. Watch your elbows, that's a pool of agave you're resting in. When business is slow, the apathetic wait staff doesn't hesitate to nap in front of customers. There's no smoking inside, but the proximity of Publik's front door to Peachtree Street causes problems for pedestrians and motorists as packs of smokers occupy the narrow sidewalk, flicking their butts into oncoming traffic. Publik was recently an open casting venue for MTV's The Real World. Enough said.

Address: 1170 Howell Mill Rd.
Website: ormsbysatlanta.com

When Ormsby's first opened on Atlanta's west side, the allure of a basement game room was exciting to early patrons. Bocce ball courts, darts, shuffleboard, skeeball, and pool are all great drinking games. Pair that with a large selection of high-gravity beers and you can't lose, right? Unfortunately, bros love drinking games too. Word-of-mouth traveled fast. Within a few weeks, Ormsby's was infected with an incurable case of douche, accompanied by the smell of spilled and souring booze. Keep calm and wrap the North Face jacket tightly around your head to keep out the stench.

Address: 817 West Peachtree St. NW
Website: halolounge.com

Recently renovated, yet just as douchey as before, Halo Lounge loses immediate points at the door. "No ballcaps allowed" is a company policy. What they don't tell you is that the rule doesn't apply to washed-up basketball players, as Halo is a favorite of 76ers great Allen Iverson. The interior boasts several levels of VIP, thus accommodating every class of asshole. The NBA's most overpaid player and former Atlanta Hawk Joe Johnson has often been spotted blowing his $124-million wad in his private section on Wednesdays. You'd think that a teeth-grinding soundtrack of last year's dubstep bangers would be enough to get the folks dancing, but the clientele is either too cool to care, or too afraid to accidentally bump someone and get shot on the way to their car.

Address: 351 Moreland Ave. NE
Website: frontpagenews.com

Apparently, sprinkling seasoning on food qualifies Front Page News as a "Cajun/Creole" establishment. Never knew. The only thing authentic about Front Page News is the wall-to-wall douchery. You're guaranteed to find a Sublime cover band playing right next to a flock of obnoxious SEC football fans. And then someone will spill a drink on you.

Address: 1080 Peachtree St. NE
Website: rira.com/atlanta/

There's no reason a Dave Matthews cover band should be making sounds 30 feet away from a DJ pressing play on a completely different genre. Perhaps Rí Rá is banking on people being too drunk to care about noise pollution? Or maybe Dave Matthews's music must be played at all times because it functions as a bat signal attracting the business of Midtown morons? Don't come here if you're looking to grab a bite and a pint. You'll never be able to place an order, as waiters are aloof, and unhelpful even when you do catch their attention.

Address: 268 East Paces Ferry Rd. NE
Website: buckheadbottlebarandbistro.com

When speaking of douchebags, you can't forget the international scene. Perhaps the vibe at Buckhead Bottle Bar & Bistro is the norm in the Republic of Georgia, where owner (and Hawks player) Zaza Pachulia hails from. Marble bar tops, puke-green padded walls, and a house DJ whose scratches are coordinated with video screens make it hard to take BBB seriously. If you're into cougars, you'll be happy to know that they're buying your drinks all night, so long as you bring your crew. They're loving the crew.

Address: 3177 Peachtree Rd. NW
Website: N/A

This dive has everything you could possibly want in a bar—if you're 15 and trashy. Hole in the Wall is an entry-level fantasy for underaged punks (your grandfather's definition of the word, mind you), located in the heart of Buckhead. Shitty domestic beers, custom beer pong and flip cup tables, keno, karaoke, electronic cigarettes, and hookahs await the most desperate kind of douche looking to abuse any substance at hand. Drinks are cheap and the sex is even cheaper, as most of the regulars know the bar's single-shooter bathroom-from-hell a little too well.

Address: 816 North Highland Ave. NE
Website: darkhorseatlanta.com

Unwilling to admit college is over? You're not alone. Join the massive herd at Dark Horse, where you'll get through the door, but not to the bar. Dark Horse's calling card is Metalsome, a rock-inspired karaoke trainwreck with a live band. It's not uncommon to witness fratties getting their swerve on to Van Halen. Might as well jump (off a bridge)!

Address: 752 North Highland Ave. NE
Website: neighborsatlanta.com

Despite popular belief, flip flops and cargo shorts are not handed out at the door here—people arrive that way. Neighbor's isn't strict on checking IDs and remains popular among recently graduated yuppies and underaged Emoroids (Emory guys you wouldn't let near any woman). You can find them sitting outdoors on the large patio that also doubles as a puking ground during 21st birthday celebrations/nightmares. The food is awful and open parking spots are rare, just like certain species of bird, or the service.

Address: 2937 North Druid Hills Rd. NE
Website: meetatmaggies.com

Maggie's, often referred to as "Schwaggie's," is a grimy neighborhood bar located in the Toco Hills strip mall. The inviting slogan "Meet at Maggie's" should be revised to the warning "Meat at Maggie's." The bar's proximity to Emory University has earned it a reputation for being a frat-heavy haven, the kind of place with a permanent Jäger special. The bar's three pool tables are commonly misused as giant coasters by underaged kids using the pool cues to maintain an upright position. Maggie's is a great place if you're interested in meeting a Snooki lookalike and having her put roofies in your drink.

Address: 3179 Peachtree Rd. NW
Website: peachtreetavern.com

Peachtree Tavern is the brightest star of the Atlanta cover band constellation, so you'll have to pay $10 to get in the door. The bathroom makes a port-o-potty look luxurious and if you want to walk out alive, you'll have to fork over more money to the hovering attendant. Maybe the Atlanta Braves would actually win another playoff game if they weren't so concerned with getting blackout drunk here on Busch Light. The sports ties to Peachtree Tavern don't end there, unfortunately. This is the same establishment where Jamal Anderson (former Atlanta Falcons running back and original Dirty Bird) was caught snorting coke off a toilet in 2009. Reflect on that next time you're in here, pissing on the floor.

Address: 3717 Roswell Rd.
Website: theivybuckhead.com

Did people wear seersucker and boat shoes without socks before the Emancipation Proclamation? The Ivy is a southern plantation with modern advancements in alcohol and throwback social norms. Rap is expressly prohibited before 1 a.m. for fear of attracting "the wrong demographic." Although no membership is required to visit this horrible time capsule, you're probably not welcome.

Address: 1140 Crescent Ave. NE
Website: flipflopsatlanta.com

YOLO spring break forever! Ace Amerson from MTV's The Real World: Paris owns the Mecca for reality TV as real life: a beachside frat house in Midtown Atlanta called Flip Flops. Enjoy a slushie! Take a body shot off a teenybopper! What else could a junior Parrothead want from the world? Trash Can-Barfing and Fist-Pumping are organized sports here. Don't forget your visors and polos, brahs!

Address: 56 East Andrews Dr. NW
Website: facebook.com/eastandrewsfan

East Andrews Cafe & Bar is the most central and popular bar in Buckhead's East Andrews complex. The clientele consists of three types: 1) Old, rich skeez-bags desperately trying to get their balls touched; 2) younger skeez-bags aspiring to wealth; and 3) desperate and wild women looking to bang the richest dude possible. It's typical to overhear humblebrags like, "I have a guy that stocks my humidor," and "You gotta diversify, bro." It's hard to tell the difference between these mating rituals and the ones you see on Animal Planet. The nightly soundtrack for social climbers at East Andrews doesn't vary much from Maroon Five to 50 Cent's "In Da Club." If you're lucky, the 311 cover band will blow—your eardrums out.