Location: East Rutherford, New Jersey

New Jersey has its own extension of the mall in Madrid—the American Dream Meadowlands (formerly the Meadowlands Xanadu, but crafty Xenu could not risk exposing his plans of establishing a North American stronghold so easily). This project has a long and tumultuous history and still won't be open until 2013, if ever. But it has opened the door of possibility for other indoor ski slopes around the U.S. (Las Vegas, North Carolina). Still, constant vigilance! Xenu's influence cannot be underestimated.

Note: It could be that Olivia Newton-John, with help from '70s pop-prog rock outfit Electric Light Orchestra, is actually behind these malls. It may be prudent to re-read this piece, inserting "ONJ and ELO" anytime "Xenu" appears.