Irony is overrated. The opposite of ironic? Breaking up with your girl in Cafe Grumpy. It's that kind of hit you over-the-head symbolism that gives us true joy. If she says she didn't see it coming, tell her the foreshadowing should have made it pretty damn imminent. You tried.
Commiserate with her over a heartbreaker espresso (seriously, it's on the menu), because nothing washes away the residual uglyness of an unexpected split like a strong shot. And for you? Put a hot cup of Guatemalan coffee where your heart used to be.