madden11The second Tuesday in August is notable for two things: the 45th day in a row your balls have felt like an executive desk toy thanks to global warming, and the annual release of a new Madden game! Yes, Madden NFL 11 comes out today—which you probably didn't already know because of any incredibly intrusive advertising that may or may not be on any particular websites this week. And while we didn't go to any of the midnight launches that were held around the nation for slightly pudgy dudes in football jerseys, we DO plan on playing a shitload of Madden this week. And because we live for virtual human contact (just ask our credit card bill), we already know what we're in for. In fact, we've already gone to the trouble once of rounding up an octet of high-octane online a-holes, and because you appreciated it (and possibly exposed the fact that you've never seen anyone intentionally use improper grammar before), we thought we'd bring it back. So click on to re-familiarize yourself with the various people you'll find yourself going head-up with (II) once you unbox Madden NFL 11...

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