Outside, it is raining and the city is completely grey. There is a car alarm that has been going off every 20 minutes ever since I woke up, and one of the overhead lights in my apartment burned out. It’s such an odd little bulb that even the idea of roaming the light bulb aisle and seeking out this little fucker is making me bored and nauseous.

But right now, I feel like putting on a colorful sweater and eating Pixy Stix doing the robot. Because there is a new song by The Derevolutions out, and it sounds how a Christmas tree would sound if a Christmas tree could make music. For more about the one-man band, read this. Or just press play on “Now You Know My Name” and live life like you’re in an Old Navy commercial.