Image via Complex Original
Yesterday, news broke that Drake had pushed the release date of his new album, Nothing Was The Same. Originally slated for September 17th, the album will now hit stores on the 24th.
It came as a big surprise. This album is the epitome of "highly anticipated." It has been planned all summer. The advance music has been leaked. The triumphant OVO Festival set the stage. The trumpets herald the arrival. The album artwork is complete. The roll-out has begun. What could have happened? What could the reasoning have been for the delay?
Enquiring rap minds want to know. We decided to get to the bottom of this. We left no stone unturned [we left many stones unturned], we put in a million phone calls and contacted everyone in the OVO camp [we did not pick up the phone], in compiling this in-depth, comprehensive investigative report. [LOL]
What was behind the decision? Beyond the sort of irresponsible speculation you might find in the tabloids and at the gossip sites, there lies objective fact. And that is definitely [not] what we bring to you here, with 10 Reasons Drake's Album "Nothing Was The Same" Was Pushed Back.
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Drake wants to go head-to-head on the pop charts with Cher.
That's right, Cher's twenty-sixth solo album, Closer to the Truth, is coming out September 24. And what better way for Drake to announce his industry dominance than a powerful statement about who really rocks the boulevards? Why not beat the pop chart vet at her own game? This sales battle will likely go down in history like 50 Cent vs. Kanye. Let us pray, though, that Drake isn't inspired to wear assless chaps.
The "No New Friends" rule is making it difficult to find a sound engineer.
"No New Friends" seems like an essential strategy—especially, we imagine, when one is an international superstar, constantly being chased by disingenuous moochers (as Drake no doubt is). But at some point, you gotta accept a few new friends if you ever want to get anything done. What happens if 40 has a cold? What if Mike Zombie forgets his password to access Pro Tools? Our guess is Drake's refusal to accept "Occasional New Friends" as a business strategy has caused a few delays.
He's still struggling to figure out how to tie a bandana around head like Ja Rule.
'Pac wore it first, obviously. But 'Pac is a little "mid 90s." And post-Dada video, post-Aaliyah tattoo, Drake is definitely rolling into his late-'90s early-'00s phase—which means rolling up one sweatpant leg and wearing a bandana around his forehead is the next logical step. Disclaimer: He may have already done this, in which case ignore this slide.
After hearing Kendrick Lamar's "Control" verse, Drake hired Canibus to ghostwrite his entire album.
Of course, the big news last week was Kendrick Lamar's "Control" verse. The Compton threw the gauntlet right at Drake's feet, mentioning him by name and, basically, calling himself the king of all cities.
Drake has improved as a lyricist in recent years, but he's always been more about directness, rather than the lexical curlicues that tend to mark a rapper as a "real lyricist." But in light of Kendrick's challenge, Drake realized that needed some co-writing big guns, and has reportedly (not really reportedly) enlisted the skills of the "Lyrical God" Canibus to help "step his bars up." We're definitely looking forward to hearing Drake spit lines like, "It's like Pac Man, don't stop/Til I hear my voice bangin' up and down the block in a Magnavox with a hundred watts/Creating ripples in the water like aquanots breathin' through they oxygen box/I belong on top of the pops, not on the bottom with rocks."
The cronut burger vendor shutdown in Toronto.
According to Toronto's National Post, a local cronut burger vendor called—and we're not making this up, "Epic Burgers and Waffles," was shut down after 12 patrons fell ill—and five were hospitalized. What are the odds that the OVO camp was unaffected? We think—and we're not alone—that it's no coincidence that Drake's album was pushed back a week the exact day that this news broke.
He's still working through the 'Choose-Your-Own-Adventure' book he stole his album cover from.
What was the inspiration for Drake's Kadir Nelson-designed cover art? The Twitter chorale had a few guesses, but after a lengthy investigation we've discovered that it was definitely the cover of The Lost Jewels of Nabooti. Drake has been fascinated by the R.A. Montgomery-penned novel, but has yet to explore every possible outcome, which has held up recording sessions for weeks.
He wants to give himself time to play the new "Grand Theft Auto."
One day, someone will write an investigative report about how the Grand Theft Auto series has had a larger negative impact on record sales than the arrival of the Internet. Let's face it: there hasn't been a single rap album since The Great Adventures of Slick Rick that touches the GTA series soundtracks for consistency and variety. Plus, where else can you get to actually live out the cartoonish rapper role without any consequence? (Unless your Rick Ross.) Of course the new version, no. 5, which is due out September 17th, Drake's original album date, won't just put the record industry in a temporary slump; entire industries will shut down for a week, marriages will end spontaneously, and Barack Obama will replace his Urban Policy Working Group with staff of Rockstar, GTA's creators.
Dinner at the Kardashian's ran late.
While Kanye yelled "hurry up with my damn croissants," Drake sat politely as his deadline for delivering the album passed without comment.
He was adding a guest verse from BFF Kanye West.
Now that 'Ye and Drake have kicked it in both concert (at Drake's OVO festival) and in social settings (the recent dinner at the Kardashian's), it's obvious to everyone watching that they are now close friends. 'Ye, of course, is a notorious perfectionist; recall that Cruel Summer came out on the edge of autumn. Luckily, this happened late enough in the process that Drake's delay was a week rather than an entire season.
Still trying to get into the Miami Heat locker room.
Lebron and Dwayne Wade are sitting on a beach somewhere. The trophy has been carted off and put on display in Pat Rileys' office. The press has packed up there cameras and moved on to the Dolphins training camp. But Drake's still out there, arguing with that security guy.
