In a new interview with Gayle King, the 18-year-old discussed her mental health and coping with suicidal thoughts. As part of The Gayle King Grammy Special, Eilish and King spent the day together, in which the singer gave King an inside look at her daily life. Eilish shared that she used to self-harm and thought she wouldn’t be alive to see her 17th birthday.
“I didn't ever think I would be happy again, ever,” she said. King mentioned that perhaps the isolation Eilish felt as she became more famous added to her becoming clinically depressed. “I don't want to be too dark, but I genuinely didn't think I would make it to 17,” Eilish said.
“You didn't think you'd make it to 17?” King responded. “But did you think that you would do something to yourself?” To which Eilish responded, “Yeah.”
The artist said that one time when she was in Berlin, she struggled with suicidal ideation. “I remember there was a window right there,” she said about her empty hotel room. “And I, God. I remember crying because I was thinking about how the way that I was gonna die was I was gonna do it.”
In her song “Bury A Friend,” Eilish sings the line, “I wanna end me.” King asked if the singer was talking about herself. “It was,” she shared. “It also rhymed.”
“I was so unhappy last year,” she added. “I was so unhappy, and I was so joyless.”
Now, the musician appears to happier and connects with fans who also struggle with self-harm and thoughts of suicide. When she meets those fans, she said: “I just grab them by the shoulders and I'm like, ‘Please take care of yourself and be good to yourself and be nice to yourself. Don't take that extra step and hurt yourself further and then you can't take it back.’”
Eilish will be performing at the Grammys on Jan. 26, where she has been nominated for six awards. Watch the interview up top.
If you or someone you know is in crisis and needs help, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.