Aside from giving us stunningly beautiful photos without her iconic ponytail, Ariana Grande revealed the deep impact the Manchester attack has had on her life in her new Elle cover story.

“When I got home from tour, I had really wild dizzy spells, this feeling like I couldn’t breathe,” she told Elle. “I would be in a good mood, fine and happy, and they would hit me out of nowhere. I’ve always had anxiety, but it had never been physical before. There were a couple of months straight where I felt so upside down.”

Grande admitted she still sometimes struggles to go onstage, no thanks to the growing number of mass shootings in public spaces. In her interview with The FADER last month, Grande disclosed that she has PTSD because of the incident.

“You hear about these things,” she told Elle. “You see it on the news, you tweet the hashtag. It’s happened before, and it’ll happen again. It makes you sad, you think about it for a little, and then people move on. But experiencing something like that firsthand, you think of everything’s the most inspiring thing in the world that these kids pack the venue."

The pop star also explained how the bombing pushed her to speak on things she cares about, like gun reform and Black Lives Matter. “There’s a lot of noise when you say anything about anything," she said. "But if I’m not going to say it, what’s the fucking point of being here? Not everyone is going to agree with you, but that doesn’t mean I’m just going to shut up and sing my songs. I’m also going to be a human being who cares about other human beings; to be an ally and use my privilege to help educate people.”

Grande recently got engaged to SNL cast member and comedian Pete Davidson. Her new album Sweetener comes out Aug. 17. Read her full Elle cover story here.

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