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For those wondering why the second half of the Love & Hip Hop Hollywood reunion was dumped on Tuesday night as opposed to being stretched out for multiple weeks per the franchise’s usual, the answer is now clear: there wasn’t a whole lot to see.

So much happened during the season’s 12 episodes, but for one reason or another, the cast doesn’t have a whole lot to say about it. Yes, Omarion and Apryl had some contention in their relationship due to his mother’s antics, but that’s done now and they seem to have reached an accord to let that beef die. Frankly, it’s a testament to the maturity of Omarion. He’s the only known person to enter this franchise and come out completely clean. Then again, if he can survive Chris Stokes, what’s a Negro telenovela to him?

Omarion is the only known person to enter this franchise and come out completely clean.


Like Omarion, Soulja Boy and Nia have had one hell of a rollercoaster with their relationship, which includes him finding out via social media—where the man truly lives—that Nia’s dad, Teddy Riley, isn’t her biological father, but like Omarion and co., none of them went into any real detail. They’re “good” now according to Nia, or, at the very least, were good the day of the taping. Soulja Boy isn’t as mature as Omarion, but he’s not completely lost the way Ray J and Yung Berg are.

Without those two offering much, much of what we were left with in the conclusion of this show’s first season were the same loud people arguing over the exact same things the day before. Well, Yung Berg did add a few new accusations. Like, him accusing Teairra Mari of giving him head in a back alley. That little fairytale was delivered via Princess, who I wish remained mute because she was never a big deal on this show and it should’ve stayed that way on its reunion specials.

Honestly, I don’t believe Teairra Mari would ever give Berg that much satisfaction. He’s an awful little Leprechaun who needs to go seek therapy to rid himself of whatever root issue has caused him to behave like such a fucking human being. This accusation did once again make Hazel E cry over Yung Berg. I really don’t know what to say about this woman other than lift her up in prayer, y’all. She’s so far gone over someone she admittedly feels is a self-involved, small dick-having sum’bitch. If you already believe this to be true, why offer anymore tears?

Better yet, why be so quick to believe a man you’ve also long felt to be a liar?

Berg has since been fired from the show for allegedly attacking his girlfriend, Masika, but I will note that Teairra Mari could probably take out the entire security team VH1 hired, so you best watch your tiny self, Berg. Detroit people don’t take kind to being tried. That said, “My head is good, baby!” was a wonderful declaration. Incorporate that into a future song, Teairra. Also: Get the fuck off this show.

We did get a little bit of Fizz and his baby mama, Moniece, along with Fizz’s now ex-girlfriend, Amanda. Moniece seems so many steps away from sanity, but dear God, is she ever hilarious. Long live Moniece for declaring: "I'm beautiful. I'm gorgeous. I'm funny as shit."

Now, let’s get to this show’s biggest tragedies.

Again, Ray J is a terrible person. Terrible people are so often consumed with “loyalty” and the notion of people never bringing any “negativity” to them. This is awful person speak for, “I want people around me who won’t hold me accountable for my actions.”

Princess is the perfect match for him in this respect because she’s literally just here for the status and credit card statements she doesn’t have to pay. At one point, during an argument, with his former assistant, Morgan, Ray J instructs Princess to knock Morgan out. What does Princess do? Gets up and swings on Morgan.

Your name is Princess, but you’re acting like someone’s attack dog. In front of a studio audience for a program recorded on national television. I do get the idea of fighting for the person you love if required to, but this is not the case. And reminder, this is the same man who tossed Princess into a pool. The same man who didn’t have any problem throwing their relationship away the second she got fed up with this nonsense.

Uh, good luck with that one, Princess, and like Berg, you best watch yourself on the street. Morgan turned into a Mighty Morphin Power Ranger backstage after being separated from you by security. That woman carries an armored truck of rage in her heart.

Oh, and then there was Masika vs. Nikki once more. Masika thinks she’s funny and if someone in her life truly loved her, they would inform her that this is not the case. However, it was hilarious to see Masika pretend that her mouth is of natural causes.

To wrap this season up nicely, here are a few suggestions:

Teairra Mari: Get the fuck off this show. If you don’t get the fuck off this show, go watch K. Michelle on Love & Hip Hop Atlanta and learn how to really flip this reality show shit into your favor.

Ray J: Apologize to Brandy for embarrassing her. Stop being terrible.

Princess: Go far, far away.

Morgan: Turn being messy into a business model. God bless.

Yung Berg: Find a rock. Crawl under it. Never get up.

Masika: Call Iyanla Vanzant. Let her yell at you, beloved.

Hazel E: Call Iyanla and then call around to find yourself a good therapist.

Fizz: Stop trying to make every girlfriend a step mom.

Moniece: Go to your pharmacist and say, “Please advise.”

Soulja Boy: Stop blocking your girlfriend’s on social media like a raging teenager.

Nia: Stop dating Soulja Boy forever.

Nikki: Umm, yeah, I don’t know about you, but good luck.

Michael Arceneaux hails from Houston, lives in Harlem, and praises Beyoncé’s name wherever he goes. Follow him @youngsinick.