This Woman's Hysterical Twitter Story About Pooping on a Date Is Required Reading

Have you or someone you know ever been involved in pooping? This one goes out to anyone who's ever pooped.

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Complex Original

Image via Complex Original

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Have you ever had to smuggle unflushable fecal matter out of someone's apartment while on a first date? Presumably not. Of course, pooping and dating are two distinctly unrelated activities that should rarely (if ever) cross paths. However, if the latest round of Twitter story superstardom is to be believed, the disparate universes of pooping and dating have unceremoniously collided for at least one person in this endlessly fascinating universe:

The well-paced tweetstorm, which eventually hit that highly coveted viral status before landing onBuzzFeed, begins innocently enough with a simple promise of a surely gripping narrative centered on one's poop:

However, as is so often the case when the tumultuous forces of pooping and dating come together to wreak absolute havoc on the timeline, the narrative shifts quickly from merely a poop-centered Twitter story to an absolutely hilarious (and kind of inspiring?) tale of survival:

Not to get all sports announcer-y about this fascinatingly dense story of triumph, but our narrator has now decided to take matters into her own hands by, well, taking some matter into her own hands. But what's the plan?

Solved! Right? What could possibly go wrong with smuggling poop out of someone's apartment in your purse? For starters, this could happen:

Amazing. So what's the takeaway lesson from this life-affirming story of victoriously overcoming the potentially dire presence of one's poop? @_blotty simply recommends we all refrain from downing a bunch of pre-date coffee unless we want to star in our own sequel to her viral hit:

Stay sleepy everyone.

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